Moral ocd : I feel selfish

Hey everyone, my dad and I are going to Japan in about a month and I found out about a month back he went through a hard time financially back in the winter I was not made aware of (he purposefully kept me and my sisters out of the loop). We just booked our plane and hotel yesterday and my sisters have been making me feel and think differently about everything. My sister said it was a lot of money which I was aware of and that instead of Japan my dad could take me to Mexico (our home country) to visit his parents gravesite (since he hasn’t visited in years and frankly, I have not gone) and since it is also cheaper to do so. Despite this I still wanted to go to Japan and didn’t suggest Mexico to him partially because I was thinking that since we are from Mexico and it is cheaper to travel there, there’d be more opportunities to go compared to Japan. I feel selfish for this as my dad and I aren’t on the absolute best of terms which makes me feel worse about the fact that he’s paying for everything (I am very young and starting college next month and do not have a job). I talked with him on the phone and he reiterated to me that he has saved money for the past months just for our trip and that despite us not being on the best of terms it, in other words, wouldn’t change a thing in terms of us going or him making this effort for me. My sisters thought he might’ve taken out a loan for us to go and he reassured me he did not (if that were the case I would’ve absolutely made him cancel) and since his hardship I was worried overall I just feel really guilty and I don’t want my ocd to interfere and keep making me run through the details or ruin my time when we go because of the guilt I’ll be feeling. Any advice or wise words?

Jabre7

Date posted: 5w

Take this chance to grow, learn new things. I don't know your situation but do try to get him to visit Mexico sometime if it's causing you genuine grief.

justsome0ne

Date posted: 5w

I would say if you thought abt going to Mexico he definitely did too! Him reiterating that your guys are going to Japan is reinforcement that you have not done a single thing wrong! I’m sure abt you and your dad’s situation but it seems like this is an amazing life chance for you AND an amazing opportunity to make memories with your father! It also may help to just talk abt Mexico to put your mind at ease. Even if it’s not a choice now talking about it and having an idea to make a future trip will make you feel so much better!🫶🏼

goy

Date posted: 5w

@justsome0ne Thank you! I do want to mention Mexico to him and I didn’t want to quite go this time around since I have some mixed memories there and there’s so many things I’ve done over there already (we used to go every year) but besides that I do still feel bad because we could’ve decided to go there to visit my grandparents at their gravesite.

Summer 💗

Date posted: 23w

HELP ME PLEASE

Hi, so my mum and sister are going away for 5 days this week/weekend and i genuinely dont know how i am going to survive. I still have my dad, but i feel my mum is the only person who knows what to do with me, and if i stress out/feel sick then she knows how to calm me down. My sister also is okay with this, and def better then my dad so idk what to do. I have cried so many times over the last couple of days and usually the longer ik abt it and the more i think about someone going away i start to feel better and see the positives, but this time it just keeps getting worse and worse. I also feel horrible that i am making my mum feels bad for going on a trip she is excited about just because of my stupid OCD. I have talked to my therapist about it but no one truly understands what it is like so they cannot really help me.I honestly dont know how i am going to get through this and go to skl for a couple days and act like everything is ok. Please help me and tell me tips or advice for this.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 19w

I’m feeling bad now and scared

Hey everyone, I’m going through something that really shook me up and triggered my OCD. Today I was talking to my mom about how people in our family have been talking badly about my cousin, who’s 17 and pregnant. I haven’t told my cousin anything about what they’re saying, because I don’t want to add any stress to her. I’ve honestly tried to protect her from all the drama. But then my mom told me to be careful about what I say to her, because she’s really worried my cousin could have a miscarriage from stress. She said if that happened and I had told my cousin anything, it would be my fault. I think my mom meant it out of concern, like she just wants to protect my cousin—but the way she said it came off as really harsh and it hurt me. Especially because I’ve never said anything to my cousin and I would never want to cause her any stress. Now my OCD is grabbing onto that fear. Even though I haven’t done anything wrong, it’s making me feel like, “What if something happens to the baby and it somehow ends up being your fault?” Logically, I know that doesn’t make sense. But the guilt and anxiety feel so real, and it’s hard to shake.

danielllll

Date posted: 16w

Feeling extremely guilty and don’t know what to do

I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.

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Moral ocd : I feel selfish

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