Even if I think I truly like someone else and think something negative about my partner & have found all the evidence I’m going to sit in the discomfort. Has anyone else had to do this in a similar situation? I love my partner to death. So hard.
Yep. It blows. What worked for me was to delay it. Ok, you have all this evidence so it must be true right ? Ok sure, but unless you are in a dangerous situation and your partner is abusing you, there is no need for urgency here. Let’s set a date, say a few days or a week. We will then revisit this evidence if necessary and re-evaluate the situation. Until then we will love our partner and be present with them. I would do this and found most times , that sense of urgency left. OCD has the patience of a child. It wants its compulsion and it wants it now. If you delay it, sure it will start to toss a tantrum and make you feel bad, but like a child it will give up and move on once it realizes it’s not getting what it wants. And a lot of time that evidence, I would forget about or realize it was ocd all along and not revisit it.
@I’m Batman That’s a great idea. Thank you. I know my therapist always tells me if it’s a real problem you can deal with it when you’re better from this OCD shiz. Right now my brain is so scrambled. The evidence is just random feelings and thoughts. Probably all dumb and not important. But my ocd makes them important and then I’m lead to thinking I like someone else. It’s like I just like someone else . Hate it
@Mk3 Yeah I’ve been there. I think it’s called thought action fusion or some crap . I thought it so it must be real. And because it’s real I must do something about it right now because ocd said so. Nahh ocd, I’m good, if it’s real, we can deal with it later. I wish you and your partner well!!
@I’m Batman Thanks so much. I truly love my partner. And yes! Same thing with, “I felt it so it must be real.” I’m assuming? Gotta treat this as ocd and if anything is an actual problem, it’ll still be there.
@I’m Batman I’ve also realized both ocd & the cognitive fusion crap both contribute to making it real and such…… yay! And I feel like instead of delaying a week I should just say until I am in a better place from this ocd crap. Or else after a week I feel like I’d just get myself wrapped up in it again. Yanno??
@Mk3 Yeah you can pick what ever time works for you. I always picked a week or some random date cause then I felt like I was not lying to myself. Realistically I know the ocd will never be over right? We will always have it. So having an actual random date just worked better for me. But what ever works for you best would Be the best choice for you. There are no wrong answers here I think, as long as we tell ocd to piss off and live our lives the way we want too 😆 either way you are not alone and all the awesome folks here support you!!
@I’m Batman Yes I totally get what you’re saying! I think in my mind saying when I’m in a better place with all the OCD crap is a good option for me :) then I’m not telling myself it’ll be completely gone but I’ll hopefully be in a better place to see clearly- kind of how at times you were able to see clearly through the crap by setting a date!
That’s the idea. Most times ocd wants fed and fed now. If you delay the feeding , most times ocd moves onto the next opportunity. If it’s actually something that’s real it will still be there when you are not on your ocd brain. Thats not to say ocd can’t revisit that well… but we cross that bridge too later. Another good trick is to do the opposite of what ocd wants. OCD says to avoid your partner ? Spend more time with them . OCD says the way your partner chews their food is annoying? Tell your self you like. Not only do you like it , you hope they keep doing it. OCD says you don’t like the way they dress ? Nahh f that , I love the way they dress. I think I might start dressing that way too. What ever ocd demands , do the opposite and lean into it. Make it a game. The more you can f with ocd , the more it shrinks and backs off.
@I’m Batman Yes. My issue is I’ve been dealing with the same thought and different “feelings” all surrounding my relationship & partner for a year. My OCD brain is always there. I can never seek clarity when it comes to these topics. Essentially when these topics come up my OCD brain will always be there. It does happen sometimes that for like A WEEK I don’t think much into the negative thought I have because I’ll be focused on whatever I think is the greater issue. But then it always resurfaces.
@Mk3 Oh yeah for sure. I’ve learned that voice is always there. We can’t change it. It’s there with the same old stupid questions and doubts and concerns and shit we know no real answer exists for. I’ve learned over time, I however can change my response to it. I don’t have to answer it. I don’t have to figure out what it wants. People without ocd have intrusive thoughts just like us. The difference is when that voice asks that question, they say that’s weird , what’s for lunch. While you and I bend over backwards to figure out the answer it wants. When that voice comes calling today, how about you and I respond with , what’s for lunch. 😆
@I’m Batman Yess!! I think I’m going to try the delaying stuff you mentioned. This could all just be OCD problem yanno!?
I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now, and my rocd has become really really bad. I keep feeling like I fell out of love and I just have eyes for other people now, and that I would rather be with someone else. It feels like I’m infatuated with other people and it makes me so guilty. It’s been so hard for me because it’s hard to tell if it’s just my brain convincing me I don’t love my partner or if this is really my desire. The biggest fear I have is hurting my partner, so there’s also a sense of urgency that I need to tell them how I’ve been feeling to prevent myself from leading them on I guess. This is compounded with a history of porn addiction that still affects me and makes me feel like I’m more attracted to others. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel like I’m alone and that this is the sign that I’m terrible and shouldn’t be with my partner and that the end of our relationship is inevitable. I can’t tell if I really love them or not and if I really want to still be with them and I hate that I’m having that doubt.
I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end
I am in an endless battle to figure things out. I think I figure something out that makes me feel better about my thoughts and then I find something else to prove it wrong and the cycle continues. I have so much discomfort I want to confess to my partner so bad. How do I handle this. I don’t think I’ve ever sat in this much discomfort. Why does it feel THIS BAD.
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