Dating can be stressful and overwhelming even when you don't have OCD, but if you do, it can definitely add an extra layer of confusion to the process. Here are some ways OCD might affect dating; have you noticed any of these things, or do you have other experiences you'd add to the list?
Can’t trust them. I feel like they’re not honest and only say lies. Wanting to know details for everything. Need reassurances
@Blair1234* What if they are lying? What if they dont actually like you? Sit with that feeling. Maybe they do like you and do tell you nothing but the honest truth, maybe they dont. Youll never know and thats where peace is found, in not knowing
@slippery_salad - Can you chat a little more about what you mean about finding peace in ‘not knowing’?
@GettingThere2 People with OCD crave certainty.. or knowing, hence why the disorder is so debilitating… because life itself is very uncertain and contains many gray areas that we just dont and might never know. The key is to say to yourself “maybe” when the thoughts come and then to just sit with the feelings and embrace them… no matter how bad they get
@slippery_salad - Thank you for this
@slippery_salad - Been married 9 years and still deal with all of this
100% all of these, plus other feelings and thoughts of “what if there’s someone else out there who would fit me even better?” “Do I like/love this person enough?” “What if my thoughts are trying to tell me this isn’t the right fit” “what if I’m with the wrong gender?”, thoughts that come up when being intimate and struggling to enjoy the moment and then wondering if that’s a sign this is the wrong relationship, repetitive worries about pregnancy/STIs… the list goes on and on!
I have a funny story about disclosing OCD! I started my relationship with my boyfriend terrified that he would discover "how terrible I am". I have Harm OCD and POCD among other themes, and was certain he would leave me. It was a weird struggle between "He needs to know who I really am" and "I'm going to lose this wonderful person and get arressted". Then, one random night on the phone, I told him everything. The events I over-analysed, the fears I have, the elaborate schemes I came up with to repent for my crimes etc. He literally laughed at my OCD and told me he loves me no matter what. We now jokingly refer to my sexual OCD themes as "nonce island". I love him <3
Constantly wondering if you should break up or not
@slippery_salad Trusting yourself is the greatest power any one person has. I mean that in a way when you know you can trust yourself, including your thoughts. Not that you are always right and that you are perfect... not that. Our greatest protection, outside of our highest power, is discernment. Our ability to grasp and comprehend what is not easily seen, to judge well, and to distinguish between truth and falsehood, good and evil, or right and almost right.
But back and forth pondering is insanity. Either you are going to shut up the negative thoughts and build up the positive or exit. Why drive self and that person and everyone else around crazy?
So in this world of OCD, you have to ask, WHAT IS REALITY? Discernment helps you through that as long as you understand your disabilities, your flaws and how to hold yourself accountable to your own faults and self sabatoshing behaviors... IF those are their. Never ignore the YOU in any situation. Once you check that, your skill in discernment handles the rest.
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