The struggle is real.

I've been having a really tough time lately with a recent workplace interaction that occurrd today, and my mind just keeps replaying the events over and over. It feels like an endless loop, and I'm finding it incredibly hard to let go. I'm trying to figure out if this intense replaying is more about my OCD, or if it's a typical reaction to a stressful situation that's being amplified by my OCD tendencies. The specific details of the incident involve a colleague engaging in a racially insensitive discussion that I tried to disengage from. Despite my attempts to steer the conversation away and remove myself, the situation escalated with direct confrontation and accusations. This led to significant emotional distress for me. Later in the day, the same colleague misunderstood another conversation, making baseless accusations and publicly confronting me in a very aggressive way. I kept quiet throughout, just a bit of muttering. The emotional toll of these interactions has been immense. Now, my mind is stuck. I can't seem to stop dwelling on every word, every gesture, and every imagined alternative outcome. Hoping I'm not viewed as the "angry black woman" which is such an affair narrative why can't I state grievances of racism, without this narrative. * how do you manage the relentless replaying of stressful workplace interactions? What are your go-to coping mechanisms when your mind gets "stuck" on these loops? * Have you found any specific strategies helpful for navigating interpersonal conflicts at work when your OCD makes it difficult to process and move past them? * When you're feeling emotionally vulnerable due to work stress, what helps you prevent these situations from turning into prolonged rumination cycles? Any advice or shared experiences would be incredibly helpful. I'll be so grateful for any assistance. I just feel like I'm not good at life.

I don’t think much of this has to do with OCD and the subtypes that I struggle with: Harm OCD and religious OCD and Guilt OCD. Yesterday, I felt like a failure. I’ve been volunteering at my church to help families affected by some wild fires and I’ve been managing a lot of the logistics associated with it. I love this type of work and the people I work with. I consistently struggle with not giving my heart away so easily to the various interns or full time staff there. My affections were all over the place yesterday and thinking about how I looked or appeared toward one person in particular. I tried on four different occasions to remind myself and to refocus that she was an just like an older sister in my faith and to try and think of her as a literal sister as well, but it didn't really change how I was feeling. It was really cool at some points I felt very comfortable to talk briefly about my story. Told her about my wife and my son (we are currently separated and living in different states) and the battle I’ve had with OCD. Yet I could see that I was jealous for her attention. It was pretty much just us there yesterday. There was a guy named Jim and I felt like I was just irritated that he was there, because he was taking the attention from me. It wasn't all bad, we were able to help a lot of families, I made my son and awesome video, there were moments of relief when I recalled her as my sister and got to hear more about her testimony, in a way deeper conversations helped me see her more than just a crush or temptation. Idk. I've asked for forgiveness to the Lord and I know even though I feel guilty and upset at myself, that He is rooting me on. My wife and I have been going through an uncontested divorce, a lot of it has to do with OCD and this new diagnosis, but as you can see by what I’m struggling with there are other problems as well within me as I’m trying to be a faithful husband, a strong father, and a just good friend to the people in my life. For so long I went to relationships and the hope of one as a source of life, but when I got married I kept trying to find life in “what if I was with this person?” I’ve caused real hurt to my wife and struggling to stop the way I feel so easily when I’m around different people and love everyone how I am supposed to.

3 years ago I got a job that was fully remote. Pay was great, but it took a few months for my life to change. Without getting into too many details I thought I was a full blown schizophrenic that cried in the fetal position every night. As a 27 year old young man who thought I was tough as nails, this crippled me. Learned more about OCD and did some therapy sessions on here. Sessions were great and I highly recommend. However, the exposure and response treatment they recommend is really all you need. It all boils down to facing your fears. No amount of supplements (I spent thousands on them) will get the job done. I said fuck this and just started doing everything I dreaded. Even sat in my own head and let the intrusive thoughts play out on purpose. Harm ocd and psychosis ocd was my main issue. Still is, but whenever I get any intrusive thoughts, I purposely think of something worse and say “top that” (it sucks I know, but it has helped me). I got a new job to where I’m fully back onsite and around people daily. I make it a non negotiable to move everyday even if it’s skipping lunch to take a walk. ALSO… and this is huge. I stopped drinking and smoking and put a huge focus on exercise and nutrition. (Still casual drinks with friends every other weekend, but only light beer. No shots no hard liquor. The socializing is good for me) Dr. Paul saldino and Dr. Chris Palmer are my go to for getting on track. Focus on protein and healthy fats and limit the carbs / processed oils. It’s simple everyone. Face your fears, move around as much as possible, and fuel up and real food. (Cars need gas, not soda). OCD is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s way worse than anyone unaware can imagine. BUT….. recovering is the best feeling possible.