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@OutstandingCutieDisorder yes I think that’s all accurate along with analyzing feelings. Would a way to redirect be to not engage with this topic? It’s very hard when this all makes me feel so guilty and nauseated

@Mk3 - Yes, that's a great strategy. If you're able to redirect and distract yourself with something else, that's an excellent way to prevent the rumination responses.

@Mk3 - The OCD cycle goes: Trigger - Obsession - Anxiety - Compulsion - Temporary Relief - Trigger The way to heal OCD is to interrupt the cycle. So distracting yourself and refusing to engage with the topic stops the cycle after that anxiety step. If you don't prevent the response (aka resist the compulsions) you only feed back into the cycle and help it to continue spinning. By refusing to engage, you opt out of the cycle. The more you are able to stop the cycle, the weaker it gets. Eventually, it will be so weak that a trigger won't even pull you into the cycle at all.

@OutstandingCutieDisorder Yes that makes sense. So eventually hopefully I won’t be bothered and guilty and all this stuff? If it’s ocd related

@Mk3 - Yeah, probably. People without OCD still feel guilty and anxious about stuff, obviously. But they don't have that debilitating need to solve and resolve it. They don't have the same obsessive drive for certainty. So it's possible you would still feel guilty, but the way you would tolerate the guilt, respond to it, handle it, and think about it would be different. Healing OCD is not about getting rid of the bad feelings; it's about changing your response to them. Try your best to resist figuring this out.

@OutstandingCutieDisorder Yes I get that too. But I’ve heard and have been told sometimes once someone is in a better place with their OCD that whatever was making them feel guilty and anxious turns out to be an ocd problem all along.

@Mk3 - Yeah, for sure that happens a lot. But if you're telling yourself that as a way to ease your guilt or affirm that your worries are "not real," that's a compulsion. It's one of the sneakier compulsions and it's very common. But excusing your worries as "just ocd" is not accepting uncertainty. It's trying to find a definite answer or reassure yourself.

@OutstandingCutieDisorder Right, so I basically take what you said before and what you just said and accept the uncertainty. So it’s possible I would still feel guilty OR it’s possible that it’s ocd problem. And to help me do that I will not engage with the topic .

@Mk3 - Precisely!!!

@OutstandingCutieDisorder Okay well here I go with trying not to engage with this topic! So hard when it feels so terrible but I can do this. If it’s a true problem it will still be there when I’m “better”. Oh and not just confessing to partner The scary part is if I flirted but I’m digging deep for that and it seems like I should not be doing that and just hang with the uncertainty because I know I can convince myself of anything. If I was flirting I feel like I would feel bad about that like immediately not week or months later

@OutstandingCutieDisorder This crap makes me feel like I’m a disloyal partner. I hate living with this

@Mk3 I’m sorry I know it’s so hard :( practice just feeling it

@OutstandingCutieDisorder Thanks so much. And then I think about the thoughts and feelings of wanting to cheat. But they are just that. Thoughts and feelings. I hope I’ve never flirted but idk. And I hope I’m not a monster for liking hanging around someone I’m attracted to. I hope I’m doing the right thing by not engaging with this topic. I know my OCD makes big deals out of these topics typically.

@Mk3 Not engaging is definitely the right thing to do for your OCD. And in turn, the right thing for your relationship too. Because healing your ocd strengthens your ability to connect with those around you. It’s the right thing.

@OutstandingCutieDisorder - I know this post was from a while ago, I read through your responses because I've been struggling with the same kind of thing lately. Just wanted to say thank you for such solid advice! It's so easy to forget how OCD can creep in, and I did not even realize I was doing so with some of my thoughts lately. It's important to accept the uncertainty and so easy to forget to do so. I hope all is well with you both. Take care!