Is this normal or just an anxiety thing? 18+ only

So there's this lady that I'm thinking about all the time and I would love for us to hang out more than anything. I think she's cute and we get along pretty much flawlessly. We have a lot of things in common and it always feels like my day is so much better whenever I get to see her and talk with her. I want to ask her if she wants to hang out with just the two of us someday, but I just seem so nervous and unready for dating. My mind is always thinking of cop out responses like "she's too good for you" or "You're not ready for this" or worse, "You're gonna mess this up and hurt her" which is the one I'm really scared about because that's the last thing I want to do. I would not want to hurt her. I'm not even sure I want to date but I do want to just hang out with her. I haven't gone on a date before, so it gives me a lot of this anxiety, but I don't know when it will ever go away. I don't know what to do about this.

nae nae

Date posted: 10w

I think it's normal to feel at least SOME sort of anxiety in these situations! It's a new experience (if you do choose to go on one with her), so it's expected :) If you do go out, the anxiety might linger for a bit, but I'm sure it'll fade once you settle into conversation and get more comfortable. Your brain will learn to recognize that there's no real threat.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 10w

That's true. But another part of me just doesn't feel ready to date because I'm always worried I'm going to hurt this person I'm with. Even if I think I'm ready, I could worry that I'm not or something bad would happen.

nae nae

Date posted: 9w

@BigGyro09 If you're genuinely not ready, then of course there's no rush! I myself have decided to hold off on getting into a relationship until I'm comfortable with where I am. I want to focus on other aspects of my life, career and education wise, before getting into anything. That's my personal preference. Everyone is different, obviously! Maybe people hold off because they want to practice being comfortable on their own, or perhaps they're focused on resolving internal issues of some sort... I also know people who have things they want to work on AND are also in perfectly healthy relationships. Everyone goes at a different pace. But if it's more OCD-related or anxiety spinning stories, then here's what I'll say... And if this doesn't help, that's okay! It's just advice I've been given in the past that might fit the situation :) In any relationship, romantic or platonic, there are going to be moments where we may hurt the other person's feelings (intentionally or not). Or maybe they'll hurt yours, who knows. It might be over something small, or it might be over something big... Either way, it's unavoidable in life. Mistakes will be made, but that's a part of learning—a part of being human. We can't let the possibility of something bad happening prevent us from going after opportunities like this. There is just as much of a possibility, if not more so, of something really beautiful coming out of it, too. This isn't to try and convince you to pursue anything romantic, obviously! Just my two cents lol. This can apply to more than just personal relationships!

savannahframe19

Date posted: 24w

ugh help.

my ocd and anxiety has been so bad a couple of days… so i started liking this guy that i am friends with and we also went to prom together… after prom, i caught feelings for him even more because he’s so respectful and nice… but he is also a boy that acts like one… but overall he’s rlly sweet.. the other day though since we go to the same school we were in the parking lot after school with our friends just talking and socializing… but once he was leaving i went to go give him a hug and hugged me… my other guy friend was with us who’s also friends with him and hugged him too and whispered in his ear and said “yo u and sav would be a good couple” and he nodded saying “yes” (my guy friend told me that) so eventually i told him saying “yeah i like him” blah blah but there is a problem that bothers me so badly… my friend likes him… i didn’t tell her for a while until i think my OCD was just bothering me sm if i didn’t tell her so i told her how i felt and i was just saying like “i don’t want this to ruin our friendship or anything but i have feelings for him…” yada yada… she was like “i understand but if i’m honest with u if u ask him out i will be upset” i’m just like i wasn’t planning to rlly i can’t tell if he rlly likes me anyways but i didn’t say that… i said “i’m just telling u how i feel” and she goes “i mean i would see u guys anyways because u guys are closer” then she says “can i ask u something and a non rude way” and i was like sure…. she goes “since i’m the first person that liked him can i give it a try if it doesn’t work that’s that” and i was like girl idk it’s Gods plan if it doesn’t work it doesn’t if it does it does” and i’m saying that in the most mature and respectful way yk? because i am christian i’ve been praying about it also. so we were good after that but my anxiety and OCD has been so horrible… i’m uncomfortable around them because she flirts with him but i don’t and she did it on ft when i fell asleep on ft and my best friend was on there and had to hear it….she told me that he does it back she just can’t tell if he’s joking or not… but i’m so overwhelmed about it i’m having thoughts like “what if u and him stop being friends” … “what if something bad happens” …. “what if ur not confident in yourself enough where he won’t like you” …. “what if this is a love triangle” i’m just so sick of this and i don’t wanna be so distraught over a stupid boy because i’ve been through sm with my past talking stage thinking it will work but now im like rlly cauious over being in a relationship now…

Ferrety

Date posted: 21w

Panicky around my girlfriend

I posted the other day and I'm still panicky and nervous around my girlfriend. It all started over a week ago with the first panic attack I've ever had while at the store with her. I looked over during it and saw her face during it. A day later a thought popped in my head that I should "break up with her." I fight the urge every day as it is not something that I want. I don't want to give up on her but the more I fight it the more my body seems to get stressed and anxious. As it stands right now my back is going crazy, tense as anything along with a tight feeling in my stomach and chest. It's causing me so much distress. Is this normal?

Relationship OCD

BigGyro09

Date posted: 14w

This is confusing 18+ only

So I know for a fact that I'm not ready for relationships. It's just not something I feel like I can do due to insecurities, self confidence, anxiety, and self esteem getting in the way of that. It's something that's always on my mind due to fomo and societal norms. I know I would like one but I haven't found any other reasons beyond the biological want. There's a woman that I really do like spending time with and I kept thinking of trying to chat with her more just as a friend to hang out and just get to know her more. Everytime I've seen her it's been a great time and we get along really well. We click on a lot of things and have big interests in common. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her as a romantic partner but I just know that's not something I can do. Is it disingenuous to try and be friends with her despite having this on my mind time and time again? This is the one thing I could never find myself getting over.

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Is this normal or just an anxiety thing? 18+ only

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