Sometimes this app is triggering…😅 Someone said that if erp didn’t work, i should try gender affirming…its so scary! Even if im not diagnosed officially but still,what do you think?(I don’t want gender affirming 😔)
No worries :) It's important to note that not all advice given is beneficial or factual, as we are not professionals, but I'm sure the advice is given with nothing but good intent as people genuinely are trying to help in a way they see possible. Gender affirming treatment would indeed be harmful for SOOCD because that treatment would validate our intrusive thoughts ("Am i actually gay?) as actually being real, when intrusive thoughts are just meaningless chatter that we shouldn't pay any attention to. That treatment would also involve constant reassurance and constant arguing with the intrusive thoughts (compulsions) about what orientation we are that we are doubtful of. But we always wanna stay away from compulsions if we have OCD. SOOCD is supposed to be treated the same way as any OCD theme: they are all treated with ERP, which is awarded as the gold-standard treatment for Ocd. ACT, self-compassion, and a healthy lifestyle also help a lot. ERP therapists often teach those practices in combination with ERP. Aside from that, I would stay away from using anything else that ERP therapists don't advocate for.
@Love1another<3 I wanted to say,is it still so ocd if im scared of being into women,not being gay itself? Like,if i was a boy,and gay,it won’t be scary cuz if mean i love men,but if gay woman? No..im a woman but my head is so tired
@Mimo116 Yeah :) Anything in the world can turn into an obsession. There’s no limits on what counts as Ocd or not. I have had obsessions and compulsions over something as small as what pair of earrings I wanted to order on Amazon haha 😄 For SOOCD, I’ve even heard of gay people afraid of turning straight! I also hear of people afraid of turning bi or lesbian. OCD will attack all angles. All of those have in common- the obsession of losing your sense of identity and therefore, accidentally making life choices against your values/morals. This is a common core fear across many OCD themes
@Love1another<3 I said that because SOOCD is fearing of being gay.but i fear being into women in secret and not into men,so in scared im a lesbian! But im not upset of “gay”,like,if im a boy i wont mind being gay and that mean im for men,so its confusing,am I really experiencing HOCD? :( I wasnt upset at all,the point i joined an online game and put mlm flag and pretend im a gay boy.it wasn’t for to be boy as a gender ,but facing the fear but with still show that im for men.and when it was fun and not bad,my brain saya that im secretly a boy or trans. Im tireeeedddddd
@Mimo116 I get you completely 🫶 Yes, if you have an obsessive fear and you do compulsions around it (mental or physical), then it’s most likely OCD. I hear some rumination in your post and that’s one form of a compulsion. The obsessive fear of being into women/being a lesbian is definitely part of SOOCD as well :) SOOCD pertains to any orientation- the fear of being bi, straight, lesbian, gay, transgender, nonbinary, etc. It sounds like you’re also experiencing a theme called “Meta OCD” which involves having questions like “is this really OCD or is this something else?” Also, I’m sorry you’re so exhausted. I find that the compulsions are what makes us so tired and when we get those under control, life starts to feel more peaceful again 👍 I think ERP therapy would benefit you
I am a man from the Netherlands and I am in my early 40s. When I was 36 years old I became diagnosed with ADHD. At that period of my life I already have had treatment for borderline personality disorder. I might have an impulsive nature due to my ADHD, though unlike many people with BPD I don't act impulsively but I am hindered in my life by indecision and perfectionism. It wouldn't surprise me if I turn out to have OCD. Thanks to a blog from NOCD in which transgender OCD was described it became more clear to me my doubts and anxiety of possibly being a transgender + a coward because of remaining in denial for that, is more likely the cause of OCD. I noticed as well I made progress during the years, because of course it didn't take my doubts away, however I was able to believe dealing with uncertainty probably contributes more to my well-being than finding the answer of my doubts. This specific type of OCD keeps coming back, because it is a fact that I as a homosexual man am very insecure about my masculinity. I had experienced an unsafe childhood with emotional neglect from a mother with autism and also emotional abuse from a father with definitely traits of a narcissistic personality disorder. As an only child who also turns out to have ADHD I felt chronically lonely and grew up with the belief I was a complete failure: not only my actions were wrong, but also my thoughts and emotions. At school I was an outcast. I felt unsafe everywhere. I often escaped into daydreaming and fantasies, because for me it was the only way to bare the reality. As a child I was introvert, anxious and feminine. That's why I developed a feminine alter ego of myself in which I could escape in my fantasies. However I didn't develop an identity align with my biological sexe. When I hit puberty I became worried about it. I was convinced I eventually have to come out of the closet as a transvestite or transgender. I really didn't want that; I wanted to have a stable self-identity align with my biological sexe instead of regularly pretending to be a woman, because I am not a woman. However as you all know very well the suffering is about not having control over yourself. When I was 17 I decided to look for a psychologist, because I definitely didn't want to waste precious years of my life. I assumed a psychologist can help me, because I definitely am not the only homosexual man struggling with his masculinity and sexual orientation. I felt so much ashamed of myself I repeatedly held myself back explaining my problems, though I forced myself to speak up my mind; after all he can't help me if he doesn't know what it's all about. I was very disappointed he replied with "What are you complaining about? Count yourself lucky you live in the Netherlands where you can be yourself." He was bringing up my perfectionism: in my perception he did so because he refused to admit he couldn't help me, so by bringing up something else he still was able to profit about my suffering. Looking back to it now I can understand why he responded like that. Still I think it's disrespectful, because I feel treated in such a way like a disobedient dog that has to learn to obey. I have had a lot of therapists and they regularly responded similarly. What I find striking is that my perfectionism and worrying is one of the first things they notice, but it doesn't occur to them that I may have OCD. I have now signed up for another treatment and at the intake I indicated that I suspect OCD in myself and am open to following exposure therapy, but so far they just don't seem to take it seriously. Over the years, my fears have become less strong. By that I mean that it no longer leads to panic attacks and street fear. The more confident I feel, the more comfortable I feel with my masculinity. But when I feel less good about myself, I get doubts again and especially shame and guilt. It makes me hesitate going to the gym (in the past the gym was too much confrontational) and I cannot at myself in the mirror. I am quite sure my so-called borderline personality disorder at least partly refers to complex PTSD. Actually I don't care anymore which name is assigned to my problems. I just want to be helped. I understand bringing up fears like "Am I transgender or not?" doesn't help me. However it doesn't help me either if they refuse to respond to me. Then I feel like it's some kind of test to observe if I am able to figure it out on my own, and if not then I cannot get better.
I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.
I’m thinking about doing erp but my ocd is so severe the thought of accepting my fears happening to me makes me sick to my stomach. I also believe in the power of my words and saying I accept this Bad thing will attract it into my life. I’m not sure what I should do🥲
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