Terrified of getting canceled

Yesterday night I drank a bit too much and felt like I wasn’t in as much control as I’d like to have been. I took an uber with some friends home and we had a really chill driver, my friend was having a good conversation with him in the front seat and the driver seemed to be chipper and in a good mood the entire ride (which I feel like is good for me in this situation). Anyways, I woke up this morning anxious that I said something or did something bad in the uber because I remembered there was a front facing dash cam and being around video or audio recording spikes my fear of being cancelled (especially things that passively record like ring door bells or dash cams). I asked my friends if I said anything bad, the one in the front seat said not to their knowledge and the one on the back said no but I was speaking in an accent for a little bit to them quietly (which is what im worried about since it could be seen as offensive or insensitive). The front seat friend said they didn’t even hear anything and they both assure me its fine but im terrified of the dash cam having audio and the driver posting me all over social media saying something and cancelling me to people who know me/career.

Real Events OCD

ihateocd

Date posted: 27d

I would appreciate any responses as I am currently spiralling

Jenny14

Date posted: 27d

I’m turning 21 soon and will start drinking, and I’m also scared I’m going to do or say something wrong. OCD thrives on uncertainty and being drunk can definitely cause some. Without trying to reassure you too much (because reassurance is a compulsion), I would say try not to worry about it. Say: could I have done something bad? Yes. There’s always a chance. But did my friends tell me I didn’t do anything bad so there’s a strong possibility this is just ocd causing uncertainty? Also yes. People do crazy things when drunk and I’m sure Uber drivers are used to it and take nothing personally. Those cameras are just there for extreme cases, not some friends goofing off! Cancel culture is scary, so it seems like your ocd is trying to make it seem like you might get canceled, even though nothing you did would warrant a canceling

ihateocd

Date posted: 27d

@Jenny14 Thank you for your response. Alcohol definitely can cause real event and false memory ocd to flare up because of doing something embarrassing or having blurred memory (especially if taking medication as well). “Hangxiety” is definitely a real thing as well to watch out for and I am unfortunately aware that that imbalance of chemicals in brain after drinking can exacerbate ocd. Although I would agree that an accent wouldn’t warrant a canceling and I would not cancel anyone for that, I feel like employers and some people can be very strict with this kind of stuff. I’m sure this guy has heard and seen much worse and I know it’s pretty irrational but so is ocd i guess.

Jenny14

Date posted: 27d

@ihateocd Thanks for letting me know. I’m also on Prozac which I know can make me drunker even faster, so that’s another thing I’m worried about and need to be careful for. I definitely will only drink small amounts. That is true, some employers can be strict. OCD is definitely irrational but that doesn’t stop it from getting at us. My intrusive thoughts I get are very irrational but my brain makes them seem like facts that I need to obsess over. Anyways, I hope you still can go out with your friends and have fun. I’ve isolated myself due to ocd and it only worsens things.

ihateocd

Date posted: 27d

@Jenny14 Yes I think its important for me not to hide away from the world to avoid being canceled but also I need to be better and make better decisions.

🌟✨️

Date posted: 24w

Ruminating abt social media again

Adults only as pocd mentioned I'm still thinking abt all the friends online who have unfollowed me,some cases even i think softblocked or fully blocked me. My brain is convinced that I must have done something gross and predatory or I did something racist or in general bigoted and they came to terms with it and left me. I can't stop thinking abt it. I just remembered checking an old discord for a fandom I was in when I was 17,half the people there had unadded me when we were friended and possibly even blocked,I hadn't talked to a lot of them in a long time though,but I thought we were on good terms. I think we also used to follow eachother on tumblr but before I made a new tumblr I remember not seeing their posts after some point and I can't remember if it's just bc I wasn't on much or i unfolloed or I got blocked. I feel I must have done something awful. One of my worst fears is people i care abt or was friends w leaving me and not telling me why,I have so much stuff I did on the internet I feel regret abt and it could be any of those things,as i mentioned i cant stop goint thru old messages and there have been times ive seen me make like a nsfw joke as a teen in a group chat or me not react negatively when someone else in the chat does something weird . I'm constantly scared who the next old friend i have will suddenly disappear one day,letting me wonder if I did something hurtful or predatory or bigoted to them or someone they know. I have so much stuff I regret a lot when i was younger,I have so much stuff I wanna confess but I'd be here all day and I'm bound to forget something then remember it later and spiral.

Elizabethalb...

Date posted: 13w

Keep checking cameras

On Sunday at work I was stressed and I was anxious all day about ruining my relationship and I disappeared off camera for 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m trying to figure out why and it’s bothering me because I don’t remember I know all morning I was trying to stay on camera so I can prove to myself that I was fine but I think as the day went on like after I video called my boyfriend I felt better and wasn’t paying too much attention to being off camera but I went into the back of the store like the kitchen area and there’s no camera so I was off camera for 2 min 30 seconds and it’s scaring me because idk what I was doing so I’m trying to figure it out and it’s driving me nuts my mind is saying that I did something to ruin my relationship in those 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m so anxious and spiraling I can’t stop thinking about it and talking about it. I just want to enjoy my relationship without feeling guilty.

🌟✨️

Date posted: 11w

Scared I acted on my thoughts while out of it

I woke up disassociating really bad ,I was super tired and if you read my prev post I've been having problems w depersonalization after a bad thc trip the other night. Im so so so scared I just said a slur or whispered it to myself because I cant properly remember things rn. I remember getting the thought and im scared i whispered it to myself and I cant tell if it happened or not bc waking up things feel rly blurry . It feels really real. I would never want to say such a word and im scared i did bc I was so out of it. I dont remember if i just had the thought or acted on it

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Terrified of getting canceled

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