is it possible to ONLY have rocd and only experience it for the first time in your 20's?? maybe i had ocd growing up and i just didn't know but i still don't really know where i would've had it, but it feels like this came out of no where and my life isn't my own anymore
My ROCD first appeared full force a few months before my wedding. I had been very sure about the relationship before that - probably more sure than my partner. However, prior to dating him I had gotten out of an abusive relationship. The year of our wedding I was experiencing major transitions - we bought a house, I sold my business, and I was starting a new career. In hindsight I can see that those transitions of identity were a huge part of the ocd appearing. I did some work and my ocd got better and I didn’t think about it much but earlier this year it came back again with a vengeance. This comes on the heels of a miscarriage, my beloved dog dying, and restarting ivf treatments. Again - MAJOR transitions! So yes. OCD can appear seemingly randomly - but I can see now that it is often related to stress in my life. I’ve also had OCD morph from ROCD to health ocd and skip around. OCD goes after what you care about most - for me it’s health and relationships. Hope that is helpful!
@Anonymous aw thank you for sharing your story! that does help, i met my boyfriend in highschool and now im 21 so ive been through transitions of identity since then, and another guy confessed his love for me while im with my boyfriend so that didn't help, completely turned my world upside down and got raging rocd, I definitely care a lot about my own identity but i'm also a people pleaser so those can get complicated because i put my all into people but then lose myself in the process, so it makes sense that ocd is coming for me lol i could only imagine having ocd while going through what you explained, i hope you feel strong for overcoming all those obstacles in your life! :) and i wish you the best moving forward
@Anonymous I feel this 100%. Thank you for sharing.
@Pandora_2003 Thank you, you too! ROCD is very upsetting. As a fellow people pleaser I can relate to you. It’s difficult to balance your own shifting identity through life and wanting to make people around you happy. This is a big part of my struggle. I continue to work through ERP and challenging my upsetting thoughts.
@Anonymous First time I’ve seen someone with a similar timeline of onset for ROCD to mine. Thank you for sharing!
@NatSwai I really haven’t talked to people with a similar timeline as mint ROCD either so thanks for sharing! It feels like an island so much of the time.
@Anonymous Yes it definitely does! And OCD likes to use that uniqueness and rarity to add fuel to the fire. If you ever wanna chat just let me know!
Yes. I think I had to ROCD when I started dating my husband in my 20s, but I didn't know it (I only knew ocd as TV portrayed it). I just knew I was stressed about my relationship with my boyfriend, God, and everyone else I was trying to people please. It didn't show up in a majorly debilitating way until 11 years later when we bought our first home, my husband lost his job, and I found out I was pregnant again (major life stressors). It took me another 3 +years to finally get diagnosed. I can see OCD affecting other areas, but nothing as debilitating as ROCD for me.
@Maeday oh wow, you went a lot of time without being diagnosed or getting treatment, how did you cope? mines weird, i only have rocd with my boyfriend and no one else, we had a major life stressor happen where another guy tested our relationship, and now my ocd has gone crazy
@Pandora_2003 I'm religious, so I don't believe in divorce unless it's for adultery or abuse. I coped because I married a good man, but I did feel God was punishing me for not listening (I'm realizing that's an OCD story). So I didn't cope very well. It's really discouraging trying to find the belief that I can undo that story.
Hey there, for me it seemed like the ROCD came out of nowhere too. I hear OCD can be like that. It was years ago I was in a long-term relationship but out of the blue I had intense fear that I wasn’t in love with him and wasn’t supposed to be with him. I may have had OCD as a kid too, with having an irrational fear that haunted me every time I tried to go to bed. But I don’t remember OCD flaring up between the years of 10-23ish. We don’t fully know what causes OCD, a variety of factors but for me I suspect trauma is a contributor. I almost wonder if it like flips a switch in the brain, that’s what it’s felt like for me.
@SeptemberSky THANK YOU, that's literally what it feels like, i somehow feel like im dying while being in a healthy long term relationship, idk how much longer i can deal with feeling like this, it would be much easier for me to be on my own yet it's incredibly hard to walk away do you still have other ocd subtypes after leaving your long term relationship?
@Pandora_2003 Ugh I am so sorry you’re going through that 😞 yeah it sucks so much. It really hijacks and feels so real. I do have other subtypes like scrupulosity (religious ocd). But that also blends with ROCD bc my relationship with God is often my most important relationship. Sometimes I get responsibility ocd. It’s fascinating how when you learn more about ocd, you find you do sometimes have other subtypes, they can just be subtle or you might not realize you were obsessing in a different area too.
@SeptemberSky exactly, i do relate to the other ones in a way, but not as intense as rocd, what did you end up doing in your long term relationship? how did it end? if you don't mind me asking
@Pandora_2003 I actually stayed with him for about 7 months through the anxiety, I told myself that love is a choice not just a feeling. I didn’t know it was ROCD tho and didn’t know about ERP, so it was miserable. But during that I started to seek God and my bf didn’t want to be a Christian, so I took that as confirmation we weren’t supposed to be together. Only because that was essentially a dealbreaker for me at that point- my belief was that I wanted to be in a relationship with a Christian. That could be a slippery slope for someone looking for incompatibility though, which is what my ROCD is doing currently even though I’m getting to know a guy who is Christian and has many great qualities.
@SeptemberSky thank you for sharing, i get the miserable feeling as that's how i feel, but my bf doesn't have any deal breakers as of now😭, which should be a good thing but i really want to go back to a life without rocd thank you for responding i feel less alone
@Pandora_2003 You are definitely not alone 💛 and yeah, the anxiety is awful until we’re able to do ERP and rewire a bit! At one point, I had avoided dating for years because every time it gave me awful anxiety that I was idolizing someone and sinning against God. But right now I’ve gotten to a point where I can actually go on dates, I never thought I would get to this point! So there is hope, even though it’s painful and difficult to work through, it’s worth it.
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
So basically I didn’t know till my hocd started. But looking back at my life I had ocd since I was a kid. Like 6-7 years old. First time happening I remember that when I was doing stuff many times I had to say something like a little poem in my head to stop it. Then I had this thing were if I felt my left foot touch the floor 5 times I had to do the touch the floor with my right foot too. Then I had something I guess contamination??? Basically after washing my hands I had a sensation on my hand like I could still “feel” the germs and I had to wash them again. Then I started having thoughts of my family members getting hurt. I had intrusive thoughts about me hurting my dog. Then I had this obsession that a guy who used to be in my school is looking for me to beat me up. And how it’s this obsession about my sexuality even tho I never doubted or questioned it before. Is that possible??? Like can you be born with it? I’m pretty sure both my parents have it too. At least at some level. Take my father for example he had an obsession that he was going to die the moment he turned 30.
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
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