pocd :(

I started reading this romantasy book and I envisioned the characters as 22 years old and then 1/4 of the way through the story, I think there was something that made me think one of the main characters was 17 and then I searched it up and I saw websites say she's 18 but not defininitvely and then I saw that there was spice in the book and then I got excited to continue to read the book because I do like reading spice but then I felt super guilty bc it made me feel like I was excited to read spice with a 17 year involved which was not the case bc I've been envisioning the characters as 22....now when I read, I feel like i'm an awful person and now the book def says she's 18 and i am still keeping my envisionment as she is 22, but my mind is saying that i was excited to read spice when i thought she was 17

Love yourself

Date posted: 14w

Remember the book is not real. It’s not like you saw the face of a child on the first page that said this character looked like this. You said yourself you envisioned the characters as older. So what’s the problem? I promise you didn’t make any fictional characters uncomfortable. Remember to breathe. Yeah, this is a tough one. But you’ve done this before. Smile at the thoughts. ❤️❤️❤️

ryy123

Date posted: 14w

but as i started reading again my mind told me that i was picturing her as 17 years old (even tho I wasn't and literally kept telling myself she's older) and despite my mind telling me that, i continued to read even though my brain told me i was picturing her as 17. i wasn't but idk how to explain it felt like i was okay picturing her at 17 which i didn't and wasn't but i still kept reading and now i feel awful for reading it makes me feel like i accepted it

Love yourself

Date posted: 14w

@ryy123 OCD will always make you wonder if you like the instructive thoughts. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Your actions say you’re a good, thoughtful person. Real “p”s don’t care about things like this. You’re good, I promise ❤️❤️❤️

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14w

So sorry you’re struggling with this right now. The best way I know to move through this theme/obsession is to say “maybe I was excited to read spice when I thought she was 17, maybe I wasn’t” and then continue your day.

ryy123

Date posted: 14w

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14w

@ryy123 You can accept your thoughts as just thoughts if that helps 🙂

Oh Dear

Date posted: 6h

@ryy123 I’ve been dealing with this exact same problem I’m 22, and love reading all genres, romance being one of them. When I was 17 I got I introduced to so many books through tik tok and would read dark romance books, contemporary, romantasy etc... I literally get all my book recommendations from tik tok but recently I’ve been getting so triggered by things that I see online pertaining to romance books and the ethics surrounding them . One example is how theres this book series called boys of Tommen that takes place in a private high school with characters ranging between 16-19. I saw lots of people praising this series online so I read a couple of the books in the series and enjoyed it. People online are calling it out because it contains scenes with spice (nothing crazy or insanely detailed) but people are saying it’s basically cp. My brain is now telling me that I’m a pedo because I liked those books. Before I recently developed this subset of ocd I genuinely never thought about it as being weird because in my mind it was a fictional book with fictional characters that have no basis in reality. But now I’ve been spiraling and ruminating on every romance book that I’ve read between the ages of 20-21.

genicrop09

Date posted: 25w

21+ only

TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Maybe it is OCD (please say anything)

I have no idea anymore. I guess this all started with me worrying about whether I was gay, then whether I was a P, then worried about being just attracted to teenagers. After that I started freaking out about not feeling “grown up” enough. Like “I’m an adult wtf is wrong with me for seeing someone who is probably younger and thinking they’re physically attractive. Then I started overthinking not finding older adults (like 30 or 40) very attractive. Like ofc I’m probably not gonna find them attractive, they’re not anywhere close my age. Maybe the desires are half real. Maybe as a 21 yr old young adult I do find older teenagers (16+) somewhat physically attractive. I still think it’d be weird to date one. Maybe that’s the normal reaction I’m supposed to have. If not, please let me know. I just don’t wanna do anything illegal one day and I’m super scared I will. I can’t tell if the fear is my just being afraid of the law though, in which case I might actually just be a bad person. I hate that my brain is just rationalizing thoughts now. I feel like I can’t do the ERP thing of “just accept that the thoughts are there but don’t engage.” Like what? How can I just think a thought that might be so integral to my identity and just ignore it? If it’s all true and I don’t like people my age anymore then I have to know and plan around that, that could change my entire life. I’m rambling, my b.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

Pocd?

Since I don't experience attraction towards children so I'm not a p*do. But I've seen some not really child looking character. Thought he's attractive. And scared if he's minor so googled his age. Says 11. But I didn't stopped and kept thought "no but he doesn't look 11", "he's attractive" I'm so scared. Some people says don't live in past but my another past mistakes are just.. disgusting. So lets say if one is caused because I was groomed, another one is caused because I was lacking of social skills. But I don't know if I'm still attracted to 14~16 year olds... I'm scared if I do. I think I'm an ap*ebophile and is also having pocd Lets say the thought "he doesn't look 11" is the reason why I'm not. But it's disgusting. Doesn't look 11 doesn't mean it's exceptional..

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