My hands are red

Thank you for your support. Great job out there. Keep fighting.

what would happen if you didnt wash your hands?

@ivefailed. I would feel that warm, numbing feeling at the front of my head that I feel whenever I am terrified. I would panic, I would stand there and not move a muscle until the opportunity to wash my hands appeared.

@Guest1488484 is that the sole reason you clean your hands or do you feel that numbing sensation because you feel dirty/contaminated ?

@ivefailed. The numbing sensation has always been there, both during my pure O obsessions and the physical obsessions. I recognize it as the physical feeling of fear and terror. I clean for a variety of reasons. It has to be just right.

@Guest1488484 what abt like decreasing slowly through each day the amount of time you can go on without washing? maybe you can challenge yourself with a timer, your aim is to increase your tolerance to distress and uncertainty. "not feeling right" is the way to go. i know how difficult it really is, easier said than done, but it's a question of trusting the process and make the leap of faith. you make the most progress when you try it without questioning and see where you land. chance is that you'll bruise a bit but you'll have made the jump over the big gap.

@ivefailed. I have recently tried delaying it for hours and days and can't say I've seen any improvement. It causes me immense distress and agony to the point I cease eating. I must keep fighting I know, but the delaying makes my compulsions that much more violent when I am able to perform them.

@Guest1488484 from my own experience delaying was the best thing that i ever did, there was almost half an year where i didnt get triggered because i would delay the addressing of a triggering event so much that i would go to sleep through the next day, well it wasnt easy at first obviously. i would try to keep the longest streak without compulsing. So i'd say you try to delay the furthest you can, and also challenge yourself to eat regardless of how you feel. The only way to break a bad habit is by learning the opposite habit. Also it helps to have a idgaf mindset, maybe when you feel the urge to clean your hands you could think "ahh fuck it idc, im tired im skipping this time"

@ivefailed. because sometimes we forget how easier it really feels to not do a compulsion at all, lean in more to the thought that it's so tiring to wash your hands, allow yourself to feel that uneasiness from uncertainty and uncompletedness, as long as you feel that you're actively destroying the neural pathway of obsessive cleanliness, it's the greatest revenge you can do against ocd. "if i dont this im going to suffer? who are you to decide? fuck it ill suffer if i have to, you oblige by me, not the opposite"