I really really need advice on how to deal with the guilt. The guilt is what keeps me in the ruminating loop. I can’t sit there and say “maybe it’s true maybe it isn’t” because the guilt of the maybe is terrible!
This is almost verbatim what I used to ask others in support groups. I’d say, “how can I combat OCD with ‘maybe, maybe not’ when the possibility of the maybe feels so unacceptable?” Turns out, I was not the only one who had that same roadblock, and got some great advice. We started incorporating more values-based response prevention phrases, along the lines of: “It’s possible that happened, and that possibility is very upsetting. But I know I cannot get certainty, and today, I choose to live by my values.” My therapist helped me work on clarifying what my values are, incorporating values-based actions into my daily routine, and utilizing values-based response prevention phrases. Once I started incorporating and working with a more values-based approach with my therapist, I eventually became more and more able to accept “maybe, maybe not.” Maybe it’s worth speaking with your therapist about values & seeing if maybe a similar approach could be right for you. Wishing you comfort and peace 💙
Your goal is to catch yourself ruminating and naturally let it fade away. Do not push it forcefully. You will do it a million times for a million days, but it will get easier and easier.
Thank you for asking this question. I don't really have a solution for this. All I can say is that I'm struggling with the same problem.
-What is Rumination? https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-rumination-trap -Forgiveness for Past Mistakes Video: https://youtu.be/2Lq1Su3mEHw?feature=shared
I think what you’re actually describing is shame, which is different than guilt. Therapy resources targeting shame have helped me cope with that feeling. Hope this helps!
@toristiredoftiles Its guilt. I feel guilty for liking these thoughts
@Anonymousssssss I don’t want to invalidate your feelings. I apologize if that’s how it came across. Guilt is actually a healthy emotion. It helps us correct mistakes in our lives. Shame is chronic. Instead of saying “I made a mistake” and helping us correct it, shame says “I am a mistake”. It takes our traumas and twists them, makes us feel like everything is our fault. In order to counteract that, use shame-targeting strategies. Then, slowly, you can work to dismantle the obsessions. I hope this helps, you got this!
@toristiredoftiles No it didn’t come across that way at all!! I appreciate your help
The human brain produces thousands of thoughts every day, many estimates land around 6,000 or more. Most of them are automatic, repetitive, and unchosen. I think of these thoughts as bullies. A bully shows up loud, intimidating, and demanding attention, but it has no real authority unless you engage with it. Arguing with a bully, trying to prove it wrong, or constantly checking whether it’s right only keeps it in control. The healthiest response is not to fight or obey the bully, but to refuse to engage. You can acknowledge it: “There’s that bully thought again.” And then choose not to respond. Bullies lose power when they are ignored consistently. These thoughts are the same, they don’t need answers, explanations, or punishment. They are just noise, not truth.
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