Did ERP not work or make anyone worse?

I had an "OCD episode" several months back from NOT doing the compulsion. Or at least not "resolving" / dealing with the intrusive thought. What if "Not" dealing with it creates an issue that never subsides or makes you worse? This sounds dramatic, but I literally feel and believe like I was psychologically traumatized by not doing a compulsion --- which for me has been ruminating and "problem solving" to "deal" with whatever "challenge" / intrusive thought comes up. When I wasn't able to "deal" with it properly in a kind of stalemate, the "anxiety" last for at least a month. And it was severe -- brain fog, sundowning, cognitive difficulties, I think maybe even disassociation. You could even call it a mental breakdown and burnout (from OCD itself). Even went to a neurologist 'cause I think thought there was brain damage or some sht. I'm STILL recovery from that. I feel worse cognitively, and even think it that episode pushed me into some type of clinical depression. So isn't that lovely that "not dealing with the OCD / not doing the compulsion" is actually a shtty choice (for me) as well.

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16d

It seems like it curated more intrusive thoughts “what if I get worse? What if I just caused myself brain damage? I need to figure this out and make more meaning to my symptoms to avoid more bad things happening” OCD is sneaky and will get you in any type of cycle it can. This now sounds like possibly Real Event OCD from not doing a compulsion. Your brain believes in consequences from not doing your compulsion — so round goes the vicious OCD cycle and lands you here. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I believe you can conquer ERP alongside a professional, even when it is scary. You are powerful 💪

Dude01

Date posted: 16d

Appreciate you :) I mean Idk, I think it was some combo of OCD + anxiety worried about my brain health + not doing compulsion etc. All I know is that 1) not doing the compulsion definitely triggered it because that's when all the symptoms started 2) what I went through was not business as usual (with OCD), it felt like whatever it was was severe, psychologically traumatizing, and it had severe symptoms that went well beyond anything I experienced from OCD before. So now there's a real fear of "not" doing the compulsions. Or maybe it needs to be monitored by a therapist idk.

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 15d

@Dude01 I felt that way when I experienced existential OCD for the first time. It was extremely traumatizing. I wonder if a professional would have a more gentle angle of helping you. Hang in there, friend!

Dude01

Date posted: 7d

@Stay.Fluid - Thanks :) Do you feel like you recovered from that initial traumatizing episode?

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d

@Dude01 You’re so welcome. And yes, I do! I feel like on the other side of it I’m sitting with more compassion than trauma now. Like wow, that was a really hard thing I experienced and I made it to the other side and I’m really proud of myself. It is crazy how strong people with OCD truly are.

Dude01

Date posted: 3d

@Stay.Fluid - That's awesome to hear. Yes I believe OCD sufferers are some of the strongest and resilient people there are. Not just saying that 'cause I have it lol.

Dude01

Date posted: 20w

How do you deal with "undefined" things?

So I think what's been so specifically tough for me (idk if this is what others go through with the real event stuff) is that ... Well I basically have this mental system... - Something has been dealt with -- which means it's "ok" it's "acceptable" assessment of ___. Rumination to "problem solve" with the intrusive thought. - CONSTANT inquiries to Challenge that previous assessment conclusion i.e. "no that hasn't actually been deal with, you didn't think about ____ or this other angle or this other new thing related to it" etc. Idk how tf you fix that with ERP? Idk up from down at this point Is the "system" OCD? Should people not try to problem solve (even though it's actually rumination)? Should I not engage with the "challenges?" HOW TF does Peace of Mind actually happen when the answers seem to be "you must be delusional" or "you must leave (significant) things un-dealt with / open ended" Like, what's that actual solution here? Hopefully this made sense. Thanks

Real Events OCD

Abuchs

Date posted: 17w

Length of episode - highly distressed please help

Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.

POCD

Perfect Impe...

Date posted: 12w

Question

What would I do for ERP if my OCD says because I didn’t do something correctly or remember something I will have panic attacks that don’t end?

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Did ERP not work or make anyone worse?

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