- Date posted
- 13d
hocd
could this be normal for a straight girl with hocd backdoor spike and meds or am i more likely attracted to women: basically i gave chatgpt my story that i wrote about basically my whole life and asked to give a list of what can’t be explained by hocd backdoor spike avoidant attachment and platonic feelings for women and it gave me this long scary list now im tweaking out because it says im like lot genuinely attracted to women more then men even tho i thought i was straight my whole life. i also deleted some that i didnt think were accurate and sounded to real and scary please help 1. i have vivid, detailed fantasies about women—like dominant, feminine women pinning me down or wearing sexy outfits—that feel rich and really arousing that don’t always feel like just abstract mental tests but still cause questioning 2. i get crush-like butterflies around girls that come from excitement, not from panic or obsessive questioning like when im excited and want them to like me 3. i really long for close emotional bonds with women—i prefer hanging out with my girlfriends, feel so much closer to them, and daydream about vacations or shared lives with them which might be platonic but idk does it sound like it’s more? 4. i feel avoidant or indifferent about dates, texting, or missing my boyfriend—i notice i don’t look forward to those things the way i do with female friends. 6. sometimes i feel genuine arousal around thoughts of women that doesn’t instantly trigger panic or compulsive checking. might be meds idk or backdoor spike but idk what do you think 7. imagining a life with a female partner—vacations, emotional support, happiness—brings me comfort and a sense of fun 8. even when my anxiety is low (on meds or pausing ERP), attraction to women stays strong or even becomes clearer which makes me wonder what if it’s real but it doesn’t cause me anxiety 9. i recognize comphet signs—like chasing ego boosts with guys 10. i replay past crushes on guys and wonder if i only did it for social validation rather than genuine desire. 11. i don’t feel strong emotional connection or romantic longing for men i’ve dated seriously after like 6 months 12. i’m more on edge or sensitive around women—nervous, protective when they make new friends im scared it’s not platonic 13. i can picture myself in both traditional gender roles with women—sometimes imagining being the “girl,” sometimes the “boy” 14. romantic or sexual excitement with men often feels performance-based or like acting, rather than natural desire but maybe that avoidant attachment 15. i’m way more drawn to certain women’s personalities and energy—like confident, dominant women—than to men’s emotional depth. 16. i’m scared that attraction to women might feel “too real,” which is what happens when new parts of identity emerge through HOCD BUT MAYBE ITS BACKDOOR SPIKE 18. my strongest emotional connections and sources of happiness have always come from female friendships, not male romantic relationships. 19. i feel little curiosity or excitement for typical guy, 21. i want to be straight so bad 23. i’ve had orgasms with men, but i question whether it was emotional or romantic—whereas with women, the emotional connection feels more strong but friend wise lily with my girls and girls i want to be friends with 25. when my anxiety drops (thanks to meds and therapy), the attractions that remain feel so real but still with dread and some anxiety