I left my faithOCD and the concept of scrupulosity

So I grew up Christian and walked away from my faith as a teen for 12 years I recently came back to my faith for about 3 weeks and then I started scratching my scalp raw with bleeding scabs from my anxiety due to this worry of condemnation and am I sinning am I not sinning am I going to go to heaven or hell. I have officially left my faith again and feel kind of guilty about it. I believe that the world is about love and am spiritual but not religious but my OCD has been so bad about it that I can't believe in Christianity anymore. I can't even hear the name Jesus or heaven or sin or bible without feeling like I'm gonna throw up. I can't believe that a loving God sends people to hell. I can't live my life in fear. Has anyone else had to leave their faith for something more peaceful and less judgemental because of their OCD? Please no judgement or anything about how the Christian God is the only way.

Erika McKenzie

Date posted: 3d

I’m so sorry your faith is being attacked by your ocd. I’m recently getting back into my faith in God too and it’s scary. It feels as though He might take away all the good things in my life because I deserve it, or I need to be punished. But that’s the ocd talking, it’s taking away all my love for my faith but I’ve been praying and going to therapy and I can already see an improvement with my ocd quieting down the more i spend with His word. Every day isn’t perfect, there are days where I don’t pray or read the Bible but I know God is there for me and is waiting for me patiently. And there are still days where I think that I’m not good enough or that God will send me to hell but that’s where I learn from the Bible and can dive deeply into is His word. Spend time on some podcasts, devotions, and some people online that can help you with how to read the Bible. Please forgive me if this reply isn’t helpful. I can pray for you if would like me too!

r.m.1

Date posted: 2d

Sometimes seeking different perspectives can help. I used to think God sent people to hell and my OCD makes me think “what if he sends me to hell?” But my new priest (changed denominations and it’s been so much less judgmental and so much more peaceful) helped me think about how maybe that’s incorrect interpretation and that people choose to go to hell because they reject God and God lovingly and graciously allows those people to choose to live without him (free will). If they didn’t want God then they would not enjoy heaven and it would not be a perfect peaceful place anymore. It helped me see him as gracious and not as judgmental (and also allowed me to lean into him as a loving Father instead of merciless judge). I’m not saying you need to adopt this mindset- trying to make the point that OCD makes us see things in black and white and often there’s a lot of gray that we can tap into that is very helpful. Maybe looking for other perspectives can help you determine how you truly feel about it (not how OCD makes you feel). ERP is tremendously helpful with scrupulosity as well as talking to an honest, well studied, and compassionate priest/pastor. I hope this was helpful to you. It was helpful to me

Rosesrred

Date posted: 2d

I appreciate your perspective. Thank you for responding. :) I can't get over the fact though that it's either God or hell. I can't think of a loving God sending people to hell. I just can't. That's not love to me. In fact if anyone else said it's either me or I cast you I to flames it would be considered an abusive relationship which is exactly what my relationship with the Christian God felt like. I just can't do it anymore. At first it was very peaceful but then when people started putting their input as are you gonna go to hell are you ready for judgment day that's when my relationship took a turn for the worst. Being in church made me feel like I was in a cult I became severely anxious and severely depressed. And it was a very new age nice peaceful church. It's like here's this good message about god but if you don't accept it... Well God loves you so much he will send you to hell.

Cantal

Date posted: 25w

Theme switch: Scrupolosity

OCD has decided to latch onto my religion (Christianity) and I find myself doubting my belief in Jesus Christ. Yet when I research, I even find myself doubting the atheistic and agnostic approach as well. I’ve been a Christian since I was 13, growing up in a non-Christian in truth but nominally Christian household. This is rough. Any advice?

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

Religious OCD

I used to have religious OCD. Still kinda do. Accidentally thought something bad about God once, panicked thought something bad about the Holy Spirit. Fell into doom. This was recently after recomitting myself to Christ. Since then I pretty much gave up. Unfortunately, it also led to me compromising my morals many times because I figured I was going to hell anyway. I wish I knew what OCD was then. I think it would have saved me a lot of pain. I no longer have a relationship with God, and fear I never will again.

Cammy123

Date posted: 5w

Religious OCD

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

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I left my faithOCD and the concept of scrupulosity

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