Something happened 21+ ONLY

So I just took a trip down memory lane and it felt great. It felt like things were better in that moment and it just reminded me of the one thing that's been keeping me down for so long. Adult content. I had a bad relapse that led to shame that it still there. I think before it used to be a lot worse but it's still bad feeling this. I hate adult content, yet I feel like it keeps possessing my mind like poison. I've been making posts like these for years and it sucks that this is still affecting my quality of life by a lot. There were really bad taboos that I remember going through when escalating and I just hit one that was pretty awful. This never feels great to deal with in the long run yet it keeps repeating. I went on a binge of searching through wildly taboo contents that I deep down don't like and am against, yet I kept browsing anyway. I hate how much I remember of specific things that I remember. I just wish I could cleanse all of it from my life. To just go back to the time where I wasn't exposed to it all at such a young age

This Too Sha...

Date posted: Yesterday

Sounds like you had some morbid curiosity. It’s like the saying that goes something like “a car crash so bad you can’t look away.” If something stands out to us either negatively or positively, especially if it’s something that doesn’t align with your true inner values, you do invest interest because it’s something different or new to you, wether bad or good. If something affects you enough it’s hard not to give it attention. “Morbid curiosity refers to an intense fascination or attraction to things that are considered gruesome, taboo, or potentially harmful, such as death, violence, or crime. It's a common human trait, with many people finding themselves drawn to topics that might otherwise be avoided due to their unsettling nature. Here's a more detailed explanation: Focus on negative stimuli: Morbid curiosity is characterized by a desire to learn about or experience things that are typically associated with negative emotions like fear, disgust, or sadness. Not necessarily unhealthy: While the term "morbid" can imply something unhealthy, morbid curiosity, in itself, is a normal psychological phenomenon, according to Psychology Today. Driven by various factors: Research suggests that morbid curiosity may be driven by a desire to understand threats, learn about unusual circumstances, or even experience the emotional arousal associated with such topics. Examples: Common examples of morbid curiosity include an interest in horror movies, true crime documentaries, or even the tendency to "rubberneck" at accident scenes. Related to other traits: Some studies suggest that morbid curiosity is linked to traits like rebellious nonconformity and a lower fear of death.”

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

The morbid curiosity I had involved adult content based on celebrities, which is something I've seen a lot of before when I was a lot younger and it happened again when I escalated to it recently. Normally I don't look at that kind of stuff but this one time I did and felt bad while doing so. I hated it deep down but it's like it just took over my mind into wanting more of it

Canofbeans

Date posted: 23w

Adult content and OCD (18+)

I thought I'd gotten over sexual obsessions, since they haven't been bothering me at all until I had a flare up yesterday. I usually struggle with masturbation due to a combination of both anorgasmia from SSRI medication along with intrusive thoughts, so I thought that an adult film should work fine and went on the hub as per usual. Everything went well until I "finished" and looked at the video title afterwards. My stomach dropped as the title had the word "teen" it in. I felt nauseous and gross because I'd previously struggled and became horrifically suicidal due to the pocd I thought I had under control. Now I know that by the word teen, it means an adult actress that's 18-19 and I'm only 20. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm gross for watching and that it was illegal material, even though I am fully aware that it wasn't, so I've been ruminating over it endlessly. This is more of a vent, but I feel like all the progress I've made with my ocd just went down the drain ☹️

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

genicrop09

Date posted: 13w

21+ only

TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Something happened 21+ ONLY

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community