Meta OCD

Hi, My OCD tells me that everything I do is a compulsion and that even seeking help means I am doing a compulsion and I will be stuck forever. So that’s a really fun subtype. Yay.

smileycat7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21d

Hey, I’ve experienced meta OCD and I know how much it can mess with you - it gets so confusing! Just remember it’s treated in the exact same way, even though it looks a bit different. When OCD creates doubt about whether you’re doing a compulsion or not, try to go with your best bet and really commit to it. So you might say “maybe going to therapy is compulsive but I’m pretty sure it’s not and it’s something I want to do, so I’m gonna go ahead with it anyway and resist any compulsions.” In my case, I was being very rigid with my treatment approach and obsessing about my recovery too much. I had to really practise sitting with the discomfort and accepting that nothing is perfect, even recovery. Allowing more flexibility can be really helpful ❤️

Right270

Date posted: 21d

@smileycat7 Thanks I really appreciate that, and I am hopeful that I can find some relief from this even thought there are fears that are stuck for years. It’s like I truly believe the exposures are the very things that I labeled as compulsion but it’s makes zero sense. Like I said I’m starting therapy on Thursday so hopefully I am able to work on some these. In the past I began doing the things that I labeled as “compulsions” because they scared me the most and I ended up getting over those fears. There are still certain fears of compulsions that I have avoided for years and that have left me with so much lingering anxiety. That is why I am so confused because everybody says just let the “thought be thoughts” but In my case it’s like unless I do the things that I label as compulsion then I stay sacred of them forever and the anxiety stays with me. So confusing and I feel like such an outlier. Meta OCD is such a confusing theme even though like you said the treatment is the same. It has caused me way more anxiety and despair than my original theme.

smileycat7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20d

@Right270 It’s great you’re starting therapy! Doing things that you’re scared might be compulsions sounds like a great tactic too, because it’s an exposure in itself. Over time you’ll respond less with fear and the urge to ruminate, and you’ll respond more like “hmm maybe this behaviour is a bit compulsive, oh well it’s done now, let’s move on and next time I’ll try something different”. Try not to fall into the trap of theorising and analysing recovery (I did this a lot). Try to focus on the basics: accepting discomfort, following your values, accepting uncertainty etc. I know how painful meta OCD can be and it definitely feels like it layers over other themes for me too, but you can overcome it 😊

Right270

Date posted: 20d

@smileycat7 Thanks I appreciate it gives me hope to know others have dealt with this as well

dulara

Date posted: 21d

You are NOT your OCD!!!

Right270

Date posted: 21d

@dulara I appreciate it, when the symptoms are physically paralyzing for years it’s hard to think that way.

dulara

Date posted: 21d

@Right270 Go for help because this is not ocd but a rational thought that it might help you. And also why you are not going for help may be a fear of change.

Right270

Date posted: 21d

@dulara Thanks, I am starting therapy this week, I think I just struggle because I have been feeling so physically anxious for so long and never really understanding why that I am convinced I will always be that way. There is a part of me that remembers who the real me is but there is always some anxiety there to knock that back down. Deep down I just want to experience the full range of emotions again (not just the happy ones) without the underlying feeling of anxiety behind every single thing.

Cody Fournier

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 23w

OCD switches themes

I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15w

I feel like I am OCD

It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.

AnthonyB71

Date posted: 10w

Mild OCD and mostly compulsions

I think I have mild OCD. Maybe that's why I can't relate to many of the difficulties experienced by other posters. My OCD is more on the compulsion side performing certain rituals at key transitions or points during the day. I honestly cannot figure out what the underlying obsession is other than some kind of weird mental hoarding to acknowledge and cherish a moment but also to protect my family and even my pets. I get little or no anxiety (I used to when I was younger). Even mild OCD absolutely sucks and is debilitating to an extent.

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