Meta OCD

@smileycat7 Thanks I really appreciate that, and I am hopeful that I can find some relief from this even thought there are fears that are stuck for years. It’s like I truly believe the exposures are the very things that I labeled as compulsion but it’s makes zero sense. Like I said I’m starting therapy on Thursday so hopefully I am able to work on some these. In the past I began doing the things that I labeled as “compulsions” because they scared me the most and I ended up getting over those fears. There are still certain fears of compulsions that I have avoided for years and that have left me with so much lingering anxiety. That is why I am so confused because everybody says just let the “thought be thoughts” but In my case it’s like unless I do the things that I label as compulsion then I stay sacred of them forever and the anxiety stays with me. So confusing and I feel like such an outlier. Meta OCD is such a confusing theme even though like you said the treatment is the same. It has caused me way more anxiety and despair than my original theme.

@Right270 It’s great you’re starting therapy! Doing things that you’re scared might be compulsions sounds like a great tactic too, because it’s an exposure in itself. Over time you’ll respond less with fear and the urge to ruminate, and you’ll respond more like “hmm maybe this behaviour is a bit compulsive, oh well it’s done now, let’s move on and next time I’ll try something different”. Try not to fall into the trap of theorising and analysing recovery (I did this a lot). Try to focus on the basics: accepting discomfort, following your values, accepting uncertainty etc. I know how painful meta OCD can be and it definitely feels like it layers over other themes for me too, but you can overcome it 😊

@smileycat7 Thanks I appreciate it gives me hope to know others have dealt with this as well

@dulara I appreciate it, when the symptoms are physically paralyzing for years it’s hard to think that way.

@Right270 Go for help because this is not ocd but a rational thought that it might help you. And also why you are not going for help may be a fear of change.

@dulara Thanks, I am starting therapy this week, I think I just struggle because I have been feeling so physically anxious for so long and never really understanding why that I am convinced I will always be that way. There is a part of me that remembers who the real me is but there is always some anxiety there to knock that back down. Deep down I just want to experience the full range of emotions again (not just the happy ones) without the underlying feeling of anxiety behind every single thing.