How seeking validation can fuel OCD

It’s one thing to want someone’s opinion. It’s another to feel like you need it just to calm the anxiety or uncertainty in your mind. And with OCD, it’s not uncommon for people to feel that way. OCD can make you question your every move, thought, or even the core of who you are. Each time doubt arises, it can feel like getting validation will somehow ease the anxiety it creates. And it might seem to help—for a moment. But soon, the distress creeps back in, often with even more intensity. Tackling this behavior starts by understanding the problem. From there, proper treatment and practice can help you start reclaiming your confidence—because you deserve to live without the constant pressure to seek validation, and you’re capable of so much more. Read more about when seeking validation becomes compulsive, and how you can put a stop to OCD’s second-guessing.

TanyaC

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4w

I am leaning into trusting my gut as much as possible - which is hard for me.

CalimariSafari

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4w

@TanyaC I’m working on doing the same. It’s certainly not easy!

Mreow

Date posted: 21d

@TanyaC It’s definitely hard. Especially when we’re always told we have a doubting disorder which seems to sometimes reinforce the difficulties we have in learning how to trusting ourselves! Maybe the key here is not in trying to trust our gut to tell us the right thing, but instead being with the uncertainty that it may or may not tell us the right thing, that we may or may not be making the right decision..

TanyaC

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21d

@Mreow Yes be with the uncertainties- the hardest part lol

Lindalu66

Date posted: 4w

I found myself seeking validation when I started a new job. I pushed people away- now I’m more aware of that. I’m very unsure of whatever I do or don’t do. I do get positive feedback but try to deny it- more aware of that- I say thank you- not the excuses I give myself after doing something good. I deny myself kudos. Painful but true.

Marcosz

Date posted: 24d

When I have anxiety and I am home alone, I feel like I need to call someone and explain how I am feeling. Is this behavior seeking validation? Sometimes I even call a crisis line just to tell someone I am experiencing anxiety.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24d

@Marcosz I also feel this when it gets really bad. For me it became a compulsion bc I felt like I needed company or someone to understand what was happening in order for it to go away…but it often didn’t. I would also seek reassurance, which would of course never help. Getting support is one thing, but feeling that world ending type of need is probably a compulsion. However, I still have a really hard time telling those two things apart so if anyone else experiences this and has tips I’m all ears.

Mreow

Date posted: 21d

I thought that there’s a difference (which NOCD therapists have emphasized) between seeking validation vs. seeking reassurance. For example: validating/acknowledging we are struggling with something (like letting the feeling exist, acknowledging it without trying to fix it) is good vs. seeking reassurance that say, everything is going to be ok can be harmful for our OCD. I know that OCD can take almost anything that is good and magnify it into a compulsion, but after years of hearing what’s in this post written in regards to reassurance-seeking, not validation, I’m surprised to see that the two words now seem to be used interchangeably? Whereas even a little reassurance seeking is a slippery slope, and I get that, validation seems healthy in moderation and therapists and others in community groups have always encouraged it as a helpful support tool.

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