myfunnyvalentine

Date posted: 22h

Fear of never getting better

So after going back to therapy, I’ve been doing really good. I didn’t care about the thoughts or any of my obsessions. But this past week, my mind has just been looping so many thoughts that are scary and sad. The rumination cycle feels like how I felt before even receiving therapy. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m not doing compulsions as much, but I’ve been so afraid this is never going to away, and I’m going to feel anxious and scared forever:(

notrich

Date posted: 22h

I have that same fear since my OCD relapsed this week. 2021 I felt the same way I didn’t think I’d make it out of that year alive tbh but you can get better. Are you on medication?

notrich

Date posted: 22h

@notrich I feel like I’ll be stuck like this forever

myfunnyvalen...

Date posted: 22h

@notrich I’m not on medication. By God’s grace I am very high functioning with my OCD. I can still do things and get through my day. I was much worse in 2021, and even when I was diagnosed I wasn’t told I need medication, and I had moderate OCD at the time. I just always feel uncomfortable:(

notrich

Date posted: 22h

@myfunnyvalentine I rarely like to recommend somebody to go on meds but your case seems similar to mine and I would 100% recommend it. Because without meds mine got unbearable

lotus1998

Date posted: 20h

@notrich I have same feeling….

baukje

Date posted: 21h

Oh sweatheart it is like I have written this myself. I am obsessing about my mental health 24/7. The meta ocd hits harddddd. If you like we could talk. Just to feel a bit less alone.

myfunnyvalen...

Date posted: 21h

@baukje Awww thank you so much :’) my anxiety is going down more. I think it’s because I’m not doing as much compulsions. I just always want to ask if I’m going to be okay, or just be hugged. But I know reassurance seeking doesn’t help. One good thing is that I’m not letting OCD ruin my life, no matter how scary a thought gets for me

baukje

Date posted: 21h

@myfunnyvalentine Yes, I totally get you. I feel exactly the same. I still do everything while being scared, depressed, with a head full of OCD thoughts, etc. I refuse to let it break me down. But it’s hard. It’s really a constant stream of thoughts and being alone is especially tough. Do you have that too? Today I only looked something up once (my compulsion is researching all feelings, thoughts, and ways to solve them) and I stopped within 5 minutes. I’m proud of myself 😂 even though I don’t necessarily feel better. I’ve been very anxious these past 4 days. I especially find the negative future thoughts and the therapy talk in my head very annoying at the moment. And in the meantime, I’m hyperaware of every thought and feeling. But unfortunately, that’s part of it. Right now, I even question everything, wondering if it’s a compulsion. I actually deleted this app recently because I felt I was using it too compulsively. But a bit of peer support every now and then really does feel nice.

myfunnyvalen...

Date posted: 20h

@baukje I’ve been dying to Google every single one of my concerns. I have a job interview soon, and it kept me up all night thinking about everything that could go wrong. OCD told me not to go, but I’m still going. I know I will feel better once I’m done with the interview. I just want reassurance and to be told it’s gonna be okay 24/7. But I know compulsively asking isn’t gonna help. I was better once, and I can become better again❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I just need to do My exposures and do my best to get through life until the OCD fades away like last time 🙏

baukje

Date posted: 20h

@myfunnyvalentine Exactly! Proud of you for going. Let me know how it went 🤗 OCD can makes us believe we can’t do things. But i refuse to believe that! I’ve been better too a couple of weeks ago. However It’s been an up and down rollercoaster since it al started again. I have to wait for therapy to start. But I am doing an ocd self help course from Kimberley quinlan right now to help myself. Having a bit of a hard time with how to do the right exposure tho. I don’t know exactly how to do it on this meta sub ocd form. And there is not a lot info about it out there. Today I practiced just being with my thoughts without distractions. And I made a worst case scenario script that I put on a loop. And of course trying to not do any research 🫠 How do you practice exposures?

baukje

Date posted: 20h

@myfunnyvalentine Do you also have the fear of doing things that don’t give much mental distraction, like showering, cooking, and so on? Those are always the moments when I get stuck in my head. And now I always dread them.

myfunnyvalen...

Date posted: 20h

@baukje Yeah! I just feel like if I’m away from my phone and not distracted, my thoughts are gonna be terrible and something bad will happen 😞

baukje

Date posted: 20h

@myfunnyvalentine We share a brain I guess 😂😭

monte333

Date posted: 25w

Back to struggling

I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Afraid I’ll never be able to stop thinking

My OCD has been terrible the for the past two weeks. I have a fear that I will never be able to get out of the thought loop. I am hyper aware of my thoughts and it disturbs me. I haven’t been able to eat for 10 days. I force myself. I haven’t been able to sleep for more than a couple hours. Then I wake up and ruminate for a couple hours, until I’m exhausted. I’m also afraid I’ll never sleep well again. And I’m afraid I’ll never eat and enjoy my food again. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop thinking about this enough to enjoy my family ever again.

"Pure" OCD

Catlove9

Date posted: 23w

I need guidance or to feel like I am not alone

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Fear of never getting better

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community