Deleted post.

@M✨️ Nope

@M✨️ Okay, first things first. What is your relationship with the intrusive thoughts? Do you believe that they are DANGEROUS? That they have the ability to change the world around you? That you have to fight them off? If this is the case, you need a paradigm shift. And we can talk about that. But first, let's identify what you believe about your intrusive thoughts... ??? How do you feel about them??

@M✨️ OK, we need to start right here. You need a complete paradigm shift. I'm going to tell you the truth. And you aren't going to be SURE it is true. (And we never will be.) But you have to ACT as though you do believe it. And the more you do this, the more freedom you will get in your life. Here's the truth: The intrusive thoughts don't mean anything. And God doesn't care if they are in your head or not. Like I said, you are not going to be 100% certain that those statements above are true. But if you can act on those statements--out of a step of faith--you will be on the journey to freedom. The deepest faith comes into play when you take a step in the dark. It's like "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" when he takes the step on to the invisible bridge. He cannot see the bridge below him. But he takes step anyway and finds that he is safe . Your OCD will keep you in a stranglehold until you can start ACTING on the premise that the intrusive thoughts don't mean anything (even if you still feel doubts about whether or not that is truly safe and OK.) So this is what ERP is going to look like for you: When intrusive thoughts come knocking on your brain, you need to just let them run freely. Don't try to fight them off. Don't try to fix them. Don't engage in any action to "neutralize" them . Don't do anything about them. This can seem very scary at first. But this is where you get to practice believing that God will take care of you even when you are frightened. You'll probably experience semi-despair after you do let the thoughts run wild in your head. This is normal. This is called "riding out" the wave of anxiety that occurs after ERP exposures. In other words, every time you do a "exposure "to one of your triggers (such as letting thoughts run freely), your mind and body will freak out a little bit. You might worry like you are going to hell (even though deep down, you know you are not). You might feel like your life is crashing down around you. But you have to " ride out" that wave. Eventually, your mind and body will settle down. And the more you practice the exposures, the less reaction you have. This is going to take WORK. In other words, the work you do to get over OCD is gritty and hard. But at its core, it is an exercise of faith like no other. You have to trust God in a way that most people never dream of. This is because it feels like you are risking your very salvation. But the truth is that you are not. You are actually safe in Christ. Completely safe! And in the end, all these exercises will strengthen your faith. Do you think this is something that you can do? Does this all make sense? I think that you can make a lot of progress. I think breaking the fear of the intrusive thoughts will be a MAJOR step in your OCD journey. What is your feedback? We can talk about this all that you need to talk about it. Big hugs! I know how much pain you are in. And God doesn't want us in that kind of pain. The Christian life is supposed to be about freedom and joy. And you can get there. All of this pain he will use for his purposes to make you stronger in the end.

@M✨️ I'm here for you!! We can keep taking this through until you feel better. It takes a lot of talking and a lot of time. It can be a slow process. But you will get there!!

@M✨️ OK, I think it might help to get into the particulars of how you struggle in your day to-to-day life. Then we can talk about specific treatment. Do you want to tell me maybe what a typical hour might look like for you? For example, what are the intrusive thoughts, and what are the compulsions that come afterwards? Like feeling stuck or feeling like you have to avoid things? Or feeling like you have to do certain things just stay safe? What does the OCD cycle look like for you? I think if we can hone down of how OCD is particularly affecting YOU, then we can talk about practical ways to work against it.

@M✨️ - I remember waking up every day too and feeling so upset and scared because of all the intrusive thoughts against God. I have had constant fears and doubts about my salvation and committing the the unforgivable sin. I know what you are talking about when you describe how upset you are about all this. Here's the good news. What you are experiencing is very NORMAL for OCD. When I was a kid, and I first got intrusive thoughts, I didn't know what they were. I though I was the only person in the world who was tortured like that. When I got to college and took a psychology class, I learned that intrusive thoughts happen to EVERYONE who has OCD. In fact, it's the hallmark of an OCD diagnosis. I found out later, that religious OCD followed similar patterns with almost everyone. Most Christians with religious OCD struggle with the following fears. 1. fear of the unforgivable sin, 2. fear that their thoughts will disqualify them them from heaven 3. fear that God is mad at them or disapproves of them 4. fear that they can lose their salvation "at the drop of a hat" through their own mistakes or weakness 5. fear that they will fall short, because they feel it is actually their RESPONSIBILITY to keep their salvation safe Just remember, everything you are experiencing now is actually textbook religious OCD symptoms. You are soooooooo not alone! The other good news is that there is good treatment for OCD. People understand OCD a whole lot better than they did in the past. And the treatment is very good (especially the ERP treatment). I highly recommend you try ERP, by the way. It might really change your life. However, just because there is good treatment does not mean that path is easy--or that it is fast. OCD recovery is often a very slow process with lots of bumps and setbacks. For example, I have been getting better from OCD for nearly 20 years. And I still struggle with things. But every day I make more progress and enjoy more freedom than I had the day before. It sounds like you are at the beginning of your journey for OCD recovery. So don't be discouraged! It will take time, but over time you will learn important truths at a deeper level. Here are some of the things that you will learn: You are safe! God really is love! God is not disappointed in you. Your intrusive thoughts have nothing to do with your relationship with God. It's really okay to make mistakes and live in grace. You are actually not responsible for your salvation. It might take a long time to learn this. I am only now starting to learn these things more. But the important thing to know is that you are on a journey. And your journey will take however long it takes. The length of the journey is different for all people. What are your thoughts? :):)