I’ve acted to an extent on my thoughts in the past. I never cheated..but I did try and look attractive in front of certain people even though I only want to marry and spend the rest of my life with my fiancé…. How do I get over this😣
I’ve also tried to look good in front of certain people sometimes and I’m also engaged. I’ve never cheated and never will but I think sometimes we like a little confident boost idk someone just saying we look nice for that dopamine…I don’t think there’s anything malicious in that ❤️
@Winter storm Thanks for the response 🥺 well in my case it’s been people we both know (for example one of his friends) And I know he is one to check woman out and I knew that but tried to be attractive and impressive anyhow and I hate it.
@Kiki4623! Well we all make mistakes sometimes we do or say things that we regret. The important thing is that you did not engage with those people
@Kiki4623! I have acted on my thoughts before not in a harmful way so I get it
Your moral criteria right now is very narrow, almost like trying to walk across a bridge that’s only an inch wide. Of course you’re going to stumble and obsess, because there’s no room for human imperfection. That’s something you might eventually need to loosen, to compromise with. For example, who decided it’s wrong to want to look good for others? Wanting to look nice is a basic human instinct, not a betrayal. The fact that it bothers you shows something important, though. It points back to one of your deepest values: obedience and loyalty. That irritation is like a compass needle, reminding you what matters most to you. But here’s the thing: you’re attaching enormous meaning to random thoughts and feelings that drift across your mind every day. It’s like sitting on the side of a busy highway and panicking over every car that passes: “What if that one means something? What if that one proves I’m unfaithful?” But thoughts are just cars. You don’t need to chase them. A thought like, “What if I dressed up for someone else? Does that mean I micro-cheated?” doesn’t need an answer. Who knows, and who needs to know? Life really is what you make of it, a tiny life lived on a rock spinning in the middle of galaxies. And yet, your OCD narrows the lens until the whole universe shrinks to a single fear. What makes it worse is not the thought itself but the belief that you must live within rigid moral and societal constraints of absolute perfection. You have been told, maybe directly, maybe indirectly, that obedience must mean flawless behavior, and that’s just not true. Obedience isn’t perfection. Obedience is posture. Picture yourself walking a long road with your fiancée. Sometimes you’ll stumble, sometimes you’ll wander off the trail for a moment. But obedience is turning your shoulders back toward her every time and continuing forward together. That’s all it means. You don’t need to assign more meaning to every mistake, thought, or impulse. It’s not a sign of betrayal, it’s not proof of failure. It’s simply the human experience. And if you keep your posture toward her, choosing her even after stumbles, you are being obedient, loyal, and loving in the only way that actually matters.
@slippery_salad I seriously appreciate how much time you took to write this, I am trying to shake the need to constantly bully myself into shame and misery. I know how much I love him, he means the world to me but I have acted in ways that I know I am not happy with even though it was not ever pure acts of cheating. I just pray I actually move forward and stop living on this narrow mindset path that i have been. 🥺
@Kiki4623! You’ve added a lot of pressure on yourself by keeping everything bottled up. Sometimes the most freeing thing you can do is to have an honest conversation with your fiancée instead of hiding your internal struggles. Vulnerability feels terrifying, but it’s also where true intimacy lives. I genuinely believe that someone who is meant to be your partner for life isn’t just there for the highlight reel. They’ll sit with you through the lowest valleys too. That’s what makes love more than just a feeling. It becomes a commitment to walk together no matter what storms hit. I went through something similar recently. I was so afraid to tell my significant other what was going on inside me. My mind kept whispering, “What if this ruins everything? What if she sees me differently?” But eventually I opened up. And to my surprise, she didn’t recoil or judge. Instead, she responded with so much patience and grace, almost as if she could see past the mess and straight into my deepest intentions. It was like setting down a heavy backpack I had carried for miles, only to realize she was strong enough to carry part of the weight with me.
@slippery_salad Yeah I actually have spoke to him about these things. Like even things my therapist said would have been better kept to myself but I felt an obligation to say it all. And he has been beyond supportive and by my side regardless🥺🩷Even though one of those things being one of his friends that I found attractive and felt the need to impress (I would be like babe let’s hang out with him ) because he was always fun to hang with but now I’m questioning my intentions even though anytime I was alone with him I NEVER did anything or said anything wrong. Or dancing provocative in front of his friend knowing he is looking & is the type to check me out. I just hate it so much 😞 Like I deserve this guilt. And I thought him knowing would give me relief and the ability to move forward but its just been torment day after day wishing i could go back in time
@Kiki4623! Guilt is directly tied to your perception of your suffering. Gonna have to change the way you see life:)
I sometimes come back to this particular feeling and thought. So when I first met my partner I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. I don’t think I thought he was ugly by any means. I met him at work along with another new go worker and I thought the other co worker was cuter than my current partner. That alone fills me with guilt but what’s even WORSE was that I told a friend “Oh man I wish that guy was in our group instead of the other.” Something like that. I feel so much freaking guilt over that comment. I adore my partner and this always fills me with shame. I think my partner is the most beautiful man in the world and I kick myself that that was my first thought or worlds about him. I don’t know what to do. I want to confess but how do you even say that to your partner? I just feel so guilty and awful inside….
I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.
So I’m 22 and have had ocd my entire life. I’m about to hit 1 year in my relationship. I’m extremely happy and haven’t really had any rocd problems. Which is great. So here’s the problem. About 4-5 months into my new relationship I was bored one night and couldn’t sleep. I must’ve doom scrolled TikTok and Reddit for hours that night. Until finally I randomly thought about going on an anonymous chat site. I use to do this all the time back during covid when I was stuck in the house So for what ever reason I made a fake girl name and instantly connected to some random dude. I thought it was funny and decided to troll alittle cause why not I guess I just wanted to pass the time. He asked me where i worked and I said a bar (obv I don’t ) and he said “wow u must get hit on a lot u must be hot” and said yeah i do and then I felt really weird about it. So I closed the site down. Fast forward to now I felt like I cheated on my gf by flirting with another guy. Even tho I don’t like guys. It was months ago so I can’t rmeebr exactly how the text went but it was along those words and the convo had to been less then 3 minutes. Now since then all I can think is maybe I wanted the texts to go further. Or what if I said something sexual? What if I liked it sexually? On top of that, it was just a really weird one off thing I did. I mean I have no idea why I pretended to be a hot girl working at a bar lol. I guess I was just trolling or curious idk. Either way it would be really hard to explain to my gf and I don’t really want to tell her. Butttt , since I feel like I cheated I feel awful like I’m horrible person. These last 4 days I keep reading reddit post about ppl cheating on chat rooms and I keep googling to see if I should tell my gf or not. I understand sitting with uncertainty but I need to know desperately if I did something wrong bc my gf deserves to know. But like I said if I told her what happened it such a weird situation that she may think something serious happened. Also I dealt with a porn addiction at the time and I’ve gotten a lot better. So far I’ve been 3 days clean of watching porn and don’t even have the need too. How ever I think the real reason why I feel like I cheated was my intentions altho I went on just joking around I feel like I was on there for something sexual. Which I’m glad I never shared any personal things , pictures or anything graphic and the convo was less then 3 minutes long based off a fake character
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