Hello finding it hard today to not ask questions to my partner . When we first started dating I seen a heart on the garage fridge that said John + (ex gfs name). I seen where there was another writing on the fridge smudged off , and wanting to know what it said
What’s the fear that’s coming up for you when these intrusive thoughts are in your mind?
@Heroic OCD That maybe he liked her better
@Anonymous Mmm I have ROCD as well. I struggle with lack of self worth and doubt, oftentimes leading to intrusive thoughts that my fiance could be better off with an older man who is more established and mature and a better provider. I’ll share what has worked for me, maybe some of this will be helpful on your journey. The first thing was being able to name the fear, which you’ve done and takes courage. It’s not easy going into these intrusive thoughts, but man is it heroic and courageous. The second thing is not trying to fix it or stop the thinking and feeling. Instead, I take three deep breaths and just allow myself to actually feel the fear, sadness, anger, or whatever emotion is present. There is a part of us that is afraid and we need to treat that part of us with compassion and presence, not fear and criticism. By simply just allowing myself to feel the emotion with true presence and not judgement, I’m able to better regulate my nervous system and detach from the actual fears and thoughts…I become the observer and from that elevated place I can make better conscious decisions on how I want to relate to the feelings, thoughts, and compulsions. Third, I gently diffuse the experience. Sometimes I will challenge the thoughts through inquiry…can I know that to absolutely be true?” 99.9% of the time I cannot know the fear to be true, and so I realize it’s just a distortion in my mind that I am attaching too much meaning to. A great book to read is “loving what is”…I highly highly recommend it. So powerful. Other approaches are “I don’t need to figure this out right now” or “that’s just ROCD talking”. Or even just saying “maybe this is true, maybe it’s not. I’m ok with that.” The point is, we need to detach from identifying with the intrusive thoughts. And fourth, if something truly is on my heart after this process and I feel I want to open up and be vulnerable with my fiance, I do so but from a place of compassion, love, and understanding instead of worry, being a victim, or projection. I would open up with something like “hey babe, I wanted to share something that’s been on my heart that I’ve been avoiding bringing up because it’s been a fear and a part of me has been worried what you might think. But I’d love to just open up with you and share. Would you be open to a five minute chat about it?” And then I would say something like “I really value our relationship and want to be present in it and build something strong together. There are moments when I see the fridge door and notice the old message about your ex gf on it and when I see that I feel worried that maybe I’m not showing up enough in our relationship or I compare what our relationship is like to what it may have been like with her. I know these are fears in my mind but I’d love to just be open about it and hear your thoughts and how we can build together.” Usually this type of vulnerability done without criticizing the other person or blaming them or projecting onto them really helps. And one final thought: OCD can be a gift. A gift of developing self leadership, self-awareness, and self-love. The practice of ERP would suggest to use that fridge as an opportunity to expose yourself to the discomfort and allow yourself to just sit through it, without indulging in the compulsions, to just breath through it and be present. This reduces the intensity of the intrusive thoughts and compulsions over time. I hope some of this helps. Sending love and strength in your journey.
Can anyone relate to this type of ROCD? It’s like i obsess of my partners past, I’ve spent probably 100 hours over the last 3 years asking him about girls he was with before me questioning him about every little detail and seeking reassurance. I don’t want to think about these girls at all. And I’ve been in ERP since August and was doing really good and not sure if it’s just getting bad again the last few days because of the holiday (Easter) and i had to go to his hometown where I know he had a past in and he recently brought a ring which I’m so excited about but it just seems like it’s getting harder for me and i don’t wanna be talking about girls he dated for a few months before me when we are about to get engaged. Am i ruining my future? What can I do to help and to not bring up stuff about the girls before me? How can I be in the moment and not relate everything to an irrelevant girl before me? Help
Why am I so curious about my bf’s sexual past … I know the amount of people he’s been with, but now I’m curious as to how many at one time. I don’t want to ask because if I know and it’s an answer I don’t like, it will break me. How do I get the urge to ask out of my head :/
Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? the situation happened a day ago and it still bothers me Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone.
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