ROCD

Today I was told I do suffer with subtypes of OCD and also panic disorder. I’m struggling at the moment with persistent relationship doubts when I love my partner and want a future with him. We have been together for 7 years now and I have come to a point in life where I need to stop using cannabis. I’m so scared this is going to affect my relationship, even tho it should only get better . I’ve just been in a state of anxiety for the whole week and I just want to feel normal again and be able to continue working on my relationship positively but I’m so scared of all the changes and how I’m going to change as a person. I have a lot of work to do on myself and I’m scared of how we will work out , I can’t calm down and the second I have a thought it fills me with dread and I can feel my heart racing, it’s draining me

Heroic OCD

Date posted: 15h

Just want to celebrate you for taking the courageous act to improve your life and your relationship with your partner. The healing journey is the heroes journey, and we’re all on our own unique heroes journey yet it’s universal: overcoming fear and becoming a better version of ourselves. We’ll never know for certain what the future holds. OCD has taught me we are terrified of uncertainty but exact certainty doesn’t exist. It never will. But what is in our power and control is how we choose to respond to our intrusive thoughts, seeing them as separate from us, and that we always have the keys to our own inner liberation by choosing moment to moment how we want to show up despite the discomfort. I’m not trying to offer reassurance. The journey ahead is real and it’s hard. We make progress and then we may relapse. But if we always choose to return to our core values and heart, we can build momentum and tip the scales for good. My therapist told me on day one: “you can’t think your way to change. You have to behave your way to change.” That hit hard. Because it means I have to consciously choose my own healing and growth through actions and not words, not just once or a few times, but consistently. This is what it means to have integrity. Integrity to your core values. Be kind to yourself. Take aligned actions that build self trust. Let the part of you that is worried and afraid to sit down for a little while and take a break. Breath, smile, and enjoy the feeling of just being alive, even if there is discomfort. Sending love and healing your way 🙏🏼

soscaredofmy...

Date posted: 13h

@Heroic OCD Thanks so much , I just want us to be together and work though it I just can’t stop being so scared , got alot to do. I’m trying to show up and be around him as much as I can and I do feel uncomfortable because I know what’s going on in my head and I can’t get out . I feel I need to change some values I have to become a better person and improve my relationship, some good advice . I am trying my best I’m just suffering and confused right now , Thankyou for your time for the reply

Heroic OCD

Date posted: 15h

Also, maybe change your username to something more empowering. You’re feeding the identity of fear. Think of your lower identity as the one who fears your head. But there is a new you trying to emerge. Name this higher identity. For me, it’s Optimus. And I ask myself, “how would Optimus handle this thought c this compulsion, this fear?” We don’t have to stay stuck, but it starts with self-awareness and consciously choosing to heal ourselves and then taking aligned action towards that goal.

soscaredofmy...

Date posted: 13h

@Heroic OCD I will work on it , right now I feel trapped , but I shall try this too , again i appreciate your reply

rjahastings

Date posted: 24w

ROCD - anxiety

I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.

br0wnie

Date posted: 13w

ROCD ?

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling lately and wanted to ask if anyone relates. I’ve been dealing with relationship OCD and possibly sexuality OCD, and things feel very overwhelming right now. I’m in my last year of university, studying something I don’t care about and never wanted to work in — I’m only finishing it because of pressure from my parents. I feel totally lost about what I want to do with my life, and the pressure to find a job is intense, especially since my girlfriend (we’re long-distance, and she’s also my fiancée) is working and everyone around me seems to have it figured out. Every time I look at jobs or go to interviews, I get hit with anxiety. A huge part of it is fear: “What if I fall for someone at work? What if a guy looks at me and I start questioning my sexuality again? What if I’m not a lesbian at all and I’m just pretending?” I also obsess over my feelings for my girlfriend — “Do I really love her? What if we’re not meant to be? What if I don’t care about her as much as I should?” These thoughts are intrusive and exhausting, but they feel so real. Even during good moments with her, I question everything: “Do I enjoy this? Do I really want this? Why don’t we have as much to talk about?” Then I panic when I don’t feel “enough.” I’ve also started to feel distant, and she’s noticed — she’s mentioned that I’m not as flirty or close as I used to be. That makes me feel even worse. To top it off, I have magical thinking issues — my therapist told me to avoid tarot, numbers, predictions — but recently my best friend joked about reading tarot for my relationship, and that triggered a spiral I haven’t escaped from for days. I’m also judging myself constantly: “Why did I text my best friend before my girlfriend? Does that mean I don’t care anymore?” Even when I do things that feel natural, OCD throws doubt at me. I haven’t been in therapy for a month and I feel like I’m falling apart. I’m trying to live like I don’t have OCD, but it’s so hard. I know some of this is probably OCD… but it feels so real. If anyone can relate or offer some perspective, I would be so grateful.

cmax20

Date posted: 11w

ROCD

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

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