I was looking at adult pictures and I had a small groinal response to a really triggering picture of a man and it’s making my sexual orientation OCD go into hyper mode, idk why I do this shit to myself I keep acting on compulsions that just make things worse
Like today I'm in church and guys I have a sudden though In my head saying I'm already gay and now my brain even when laughing at a youth joke on dating,it tells me ur laughing and ur gay , and I get still and then another voice comes she can laugh even if she's gay....I tell you 😭today even talking to my friend some kind of realization comes and it's like I'm a secretly bi girl in church....and I feel...like crying and I can't
@Anonymous I know how you feel, just try your best to tell you that it’s your OCD talking and it’s not you, because I get the same thing, even though I find zero attraction to my own gender and naturally find an attraction to women, my ocd will always make me question it, and that’s the most painful part, as someone else here said doing ERP is the best way to do it by accepting uncertainty, which is a hell of a lot easier said than done, cos I try to do it, but really really struggle
@Fcukocd Thanks for this ...also my brain is telling me, but you find women attractive ( I know 😭)
@Anonymous OCD will do a lot of things that feed it, and that sounds like one of them, if you know what you like and what you are, then OCD cannot beat you, it’s best to seek out some professional help as I know as well as anyone that trying to deal with OCD alone is the biggest headache of all time
@Fcukocd Ok thanks for that 😊
@Anonymous No problems, I would recommend trying to get professional help with it too, as from what I hear that is what’s most important :)
@Anonymous Just about 2 weeks ago, I had the exact same thought and my anxiety skyrocketed. It felt so scarily real and convincing, like it was the truth. What made it worse was the thoughts that came after which were along the lines of, “Yeah, you're in denial. You just keep lying to yourself.” The only thing we can do about this is to keep sitting with the uncertainty. It's so difficult but being in a tug of war with OCD is even worse. No amount compulsions will alleviate any symptoms. It's something we're all learning the hard way. You got this and you're not alone. - from one SO-OCD sufferer to another
@Tiny Turtle I feel what you said about tug of war, it’s like a tug of war between what you know you are and what ocd tells you, speaking of that analogy, I had an email from Made of millions that said if you’re in a tug of war, drop the rope (sit with uncertainty) and I thought that was a really good way of putting it
@Tiny Turtle Thanks for this... really sending support from here
@Fcukocd I've definitely come across that analogy before and it's a great one. Thank you for mentioning it because it's a great reminder for all of us.
@Tiny Turtle No problems, we got this
@Anonymous Currently struggling with a trigger as we speak but as @Fcukocd said, I'm going to drop the rope by telling myself, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
@Tiny Turtle I'm going to try the maybe maybe not but I dunno if it's me or sometimes I feel like it's admitting it but I'll try for sure 😊
@Tiny Turtle That’s good, I find myself struggling with triggers a lot, I’ll be struggling for a little while before I eventually say “you know what? Maybe, maybe not, I don’t care anymore”
@Anonymous It’s not admitting it at all my friend, it’s all about not feeding the OCD and not letting it win anymore, that thought that it’s “admitting it” is just another way that OCD will keep you trapped
@Fcukocd I know it is but sometimes u just loose ur ocd tools and start spiraling and none of those even work... although I think I'm handling my episodes even better 😄
@Anonymous Yeah I understand that definitely, we all have good days and bad days, and bad days are so daunting because it feels like you’re losing progress, but you’re not, you’re still strong and still you, you’re just having a bad day with spiralling
Me too! I have had it for so Long now, that I am afraid that because I have not seeked help sooner, that I must just admit that I am now a lesbian. It feels so much more real, because you keep getting that response and seeking it because I’m hyper aware. Ugh, it makes you so sad
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl Yeah it’s horrible, I was already having a reaction down there to the women I was seeing, but then as soon as I saw the triggering picture it’s like it got a lil bit stronger either that or I was more hyper aware to what was already happening, all I know is now I’m hyperaware to everything down there, I know I’m straight but this groinal response really makes me second guess myself and ur right it does make me so sad :(
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl Usually can tell what the difference is between actual arousal and groinal response as actual arousal is followed by a certain pre-fluid that I won’t name as I’m not sure if it’s allowed or if it’ll be triggering, and groinal response never ever makes it do that
@Fcukocd I’m a Girl so😅
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl Sorry I didn’t notice ur username that’s my bad, OCD brain fog does that to me a lot, but yeah it’s different for women than it is for a man
@Fcukocd Don’t apologies! It was not meant like that, it is just, girls get sort of another feeling
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl Okay thanks! And yeah it’s different for each gender
From someone with experience in soocd, you guys probably arent doing the necessary exposure with the pictures, videos, etc that needs to be done to exhaust the anxiety. You get a reaction from a photo or video and then turn it off and perform some type of compulsion to neutralize the anxiety. Trust me, if you go through the necessary protocols, eventually you will see those photos/videos and either not get a sexual reaction or if you do it wont cause anxiety. It may be easier to talk about it on here but you have to go through the erp with a therapist for it to be done correctly.
@Ifiknewthen Yeah, ur right it’s like as soon as I see something like that and I have a groinal response I get rid of whatever the image is, however I do repeatadly expose myself to it afterwards and the groinal response subsides and doesn’t happen, but as you said, I’ll straight away do a compulsion (in my case, putting ice down there) and it just reinforces it, I need to try and wait for my therapy to start it because even though I am doing the exposures every now and then, I still do compulsions, which kinda defeats the purpose of ERP, I think I’m just gonna stop doing it until I actually start it properly with a therapist, cos the way I’m doing it just seems to be making things worse
Firstly I'm sorry you'll are having a hard time with this ,I didn't experience sexual orientation/hocd as yet but at your core I know what is all about .now the missing piece in ocd therapy is ERP +AU/accepting uncertainty-living in a world where your fear can come true or already happened .AU is the most important part of ocd therapy, ERP therapy is not hard it's accepting uncertainty that is the hard part but when you understand that certainty doesn't exist in this world .no matter how hard you try ocd will never accept any answer you give it cause it's the doubting disorder and the doubting disorder will always make you doubt anything you care about ,that's to get better at managing ocd you have to accept uncertainty. My fear may or maynot come true or happen .very important we can never be or give ocd 100% certainty Our fear won't happen or come true .bottom line it's not your job to figure your sexual orientation/hocd out ,just continue living your life,now if you are doing it with a ERP ocd therapist he or she will guide you through all this
@No matric certificate/grade 12 Thanks man, I do have my first appointment next Wednesday so hoping it’ll be a step in the right direction, I’ll check back here then and let you know what strategies we came up with, because they said it would be CBT, but I’m gonna bring up ERP and see if we can work it out
@Fcukocd What 'no matric certificate' said above is exactly true. Treatment wants you to get to a point where you stop telling yourself "i know im this" or "i know im that." Because continuing to assure yourself of your sexual orientation is part of the problem. Now of course people who know you may say yeah so- in- so is a straight guy or straight woman, but you yourself shouldnt assure yourself of that. Us ocd people keep trying to prove something. Expose yourself regularly to the anxiety producing stimuli and resist behavior to neutralize the anxiety caused by it. And then accept the idea that maybe you liked that. And you keep doing that indefinitely.
@Fcukocd I think erp is a form of cbt.
@Ifiknewthen Yeah I’ll give it a go when I have my appointment next week
@Fcukocd Trying to ease myself into it before getting into it professionally by exposing myself to anxiety triggering images, and resisting compulsions for as long as I can, hopefully over time the anxiety will reduce and I’ll be able to live with the uncertainty, because telling myself I know what I am only feeds the disorder more
A compulsion i do is if i get a groinal or anticipate it i take a step. Adjust my legs and feet to avoid the groinals. I was carrying my daughter and worry about groinals which sucks. I had groinals when I picked her up but discarded it didnt give it attention. Then when i put her down i had intrusive thoughts about groinals worrying if i get it. I took a step to my right and just sat with the groinals and the thoughts. I do t remember if i took a second step or not but ocd hyper-focused in the groinal sensations and i feel guilty its telling me i took tbe step to get groinals and i sat with it to arouse myself but i think i took the step as a compulsion and my ocd hyperfocused on the ocd and was aware of it and just let it be but ocd is saying i acted on the thoughts and aroused myself i know thats not true.
Havent been on in a while but todays rough. Had a major ocd episode. Its literally ocd number one million different iteration In summary i saw teen boys had intrusive thoughts. Looked away. Moved my foot which had a groinal and the pcd hyperfixation of them being in my side view and the additional intrusive thoughts saying “the false attraction and groinal non concordance means i aroused over them” followed by intense gut wrenching guilt sick to my stomach is what ocd is making me ruminate and provlem solve and feel guilt and stuck and question y intention even thiugh i know my true self. Also i tried doing what others have said by responding “maybe, maybe not” and just agreeing with the thought to shut it up. I know i wasnt arousing over thr boys and wasnt checking tbem out and im not a pedophile and not attracted to teen boys or boys/men period. I know groinals are a natural occurence and ocd symptom . I just had this random intense ocd episode. I was standing at the store and seen two teenage kids. I had intrusive thought they were handsome but i dont think they were handsome. I looked away but still seen them in the corner of my eyes and i adjust my foot which caused a groinal. I looked at them and their mom twice i think then looked away but my ocd hyperfocused on them in my peripheal view and since i had a groinal ocd had followed up with another intrusivr thought saying this means i aroused over them and its pedophilic and then i felt a gut wrenching disgust and guilt. I dont want any of this. I know im not a pedophile. I know i wasnt checking them out or arousing myself. I just was looking at people like normal and had intrusivr thoughts and groinals. I looked away as a compulsion but since i still seen them in my peripheal and didnt completely block them out ocd says it means i wanted to see them and chrck tbem out and arouse myself. This is ego dystonic. Its causing me extreme distress and gut wrenching guilt. I dont even think theyre handsome and im not a pedophile. Ocd makes me feel guilty and doubt if i did something wrong. These intrusive thoughts and feelings are intense It all happened so fast i saw the boys. I had the ocd thoughts. I looked twice. I felt anxiety so looked away but still seen thrm in my sode view and ocd was hyperfocused screaming to me theyre there like a lion was next to me. I simply moved my foot which caused a groinal reaction. Then ocd followed with the intrusivr thought “you aroused yourself youre a pedo” etc and then the gut wrenching guilt and dosgust followed but i know its ego dystonic and not who i am and ocd thought number one million because ive had this before. A compulsion would be closing my eyes or looking away so they wouldnt even be in my peripheal and since i only partially looked away ocd said it means i was doing something inappropriate but i knoe thats not true I know i was already feeling anxious because of the large crowd. I know i was just looking in their general direction nothing wrong and had intrusivr thoughts. Then i looked away at a guy next to me to distract myself from these intrusive thoughts and from the boys. Plus me looking away to the guy and all i did was move my foot and that motion plus the anxiety caused a groinal. So OCD said “you aroused over the boys= POCD” and since i basiclaly did a semi compulsion semi erp i looked away to avoid the kids but still could see them in my peripheal view thats when ocd played on it and said i didnt fully avoid them so i mustve aroused over them but i know its all ego dystonic. A real pedophile wouldnt feel guilt or anxiety or discomfort or gut wrenching feelings and wouldnt avoid looking. Theyd look and enjoy it. I was extremelt uncomfortable and the groinal was uncomfortable. I dont even think the boys were good looking. Its the gut wrenching guilt symptom of ocd and the intrusive thougjts that make it feel real and keep stuck in the loop In summary i saw teen boys had intrusive thoughts. Looked away. Moved my foot which had a groinal and the pcd hyperfixation of them being in my side view and the additional intrusive thoughts saying “the false attraction and groinal non concordance means i aroused over them” followed by intense gut wrenching guilt sick to my stomach is what ocd is making me ruminate and provlem solve and feel guilt and stuck and question y intention even thiugh i know my true self. Also i tried doing what others have said by responding “maybe, maybe not” and just agreeing with the thought to shut it up. I know i wasnt arousing over thr boys and wasnt checking tbem out and im not a pedophile and not attracted to teen boys or boys/men period. I know groinals are a natural occurence and ocd symptom
i saw an instagram reel and i noticed a disturbing sight of a trigger with a noticeable bottom and the very moment i noticed and compulsively looked to check i felt a groinal response. what does this mean?
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