Gf problems

Im having issues with seeing my girlfriend as a good person, good girlfriend to me, idk. To be fair I do love her, but it feels like she's just so irresponsible. Which is ironic because she's older than me (1 year). She's just such a slob. I feel terrible for saying that but she's been so depressed and all and is ALWAYS finding a way to procrastinate cleaning her room, there are bugs and food and clothes everywhere it's an absolute mess and I pretend not to care but it grosses me the fuck out. It's been worse lately because she was given too much estrogen (she's transgender) and it can cause relapses in depression if the dose is too high, which is was the past month but she's tapering off now. I know I'm only 17 but I think about what it'd be like to date other women post college as an adult, cisgender women, black and brown women, non autistic women and more femme women. Women who got their shit together if that makes sense. I feel awful for saying all of thay because I still love her. I want to go to university, mostly online to finish my ITP and get my asl interpreting license (woohoo!) But she's doesn't even try in school. She's ALWAYS. Been like that. She wants to go to community College for business and marketing but refuses to get her shit together. I've talked about this dozens, hundreds of times this summer because she's a senior now. It's not just depression anymore I feel like. All she does is talk about weed, watch South park, and watch porn. Listen, nobody's perfect, but I never knew she would turn into this. I don't want to break up with her because I have genuine hope she can change or mature as she tapers off estrogen, but I'm still not sure. I love her, I want her to grow into the beautiful, amazing young woman she's destined to be, but if she's not even gonna try then it's useless to hope. I don't know. I'm so confused. Someone please give advice- we've dated for almost 2 years now with minimal problems, I feel so guilty for even thinking about this

Abigail27!

Date posted: 22h

it will never change , even with you sticking by her it , it can be seen as enabling her . my sister did this with her ex for 10 years he never changed even though she hoped and saw potential. you can love her and focus on urself / break up and take space. you’re young focus on yourself and goals first, don’t need someone bringing you down and focusing on them more then ur own needs and being

Ariana ♡

Date posted: 22h

That's crazy, I don't want to break up though, especially not now. I really love her and like her, and we do have good days. I'm just always worried about her. And I have no idea what or who she'll be in a while or how/if she'll change. Crazy as in your sisters situation

Abigail27!

Date posted: 22h

@Ariana ♡ i’d encourage you to be very honest with them then about how their current lifestyle isn’t helpful for her or you like i love you and want to be with you but i want to thrive and grow together but it doesn’t seem like you have a solid plan to do that could we come up with one together ? like trying a new therapist or new medication?

Ariana ♡

Date posted: 22h

@Abigail27! That's good advice, and I have talked with her. Many, many times. It does seem like she tries, but every time we talk about the therapy and medication stuff she argues and insists Yvonne (her therapist) is fine and that she doesn't want to discuss mediation, says it makes her feel like a lab rat. I do have a solid plan for post high school, but hers seems so unrealistic. I've never done well academically but I'm putting in the effort to get an iep for school so I can be better. And nothing vrazy, my GPA has always been over 3.0 and above 3.5 at best. She wants to go to community College and open up her own shop, locally, but like she doesn't even put in the work in school, she always skips and doesn't do homework. She's gonna be destroyed when she realizes she just wasted all of her high school years just fuckin off. And I really don't want that. I'll talk to her though, thanks a lot!

Abigail27!

Date posted: 22h

@Ariana ♡ you can only talk to her so many times:( i’d mention to her as well that you don’t see it going far in the future if it stays the same way now , like you support her and her mental health , but if she’s not willing to try or work on it :( meds take a long time to adjust to and trail and error at first they can make you feel like groggy or zombie like but they usually do balance out once you find the right one and are on it for a bit ! :)

Ariana ♡

Date posted: 23h

This is also a really, really terrible and fucked up thing to say, and I hope she never hears me say this because It's so crappy- but her behavior for whatever reasons reminds me of a boy or man, and I'm lesbian and it just makes me so upset not just in terms of attraction but morality. Even though we are teenagers, she acts like a teenage boy. Which again is so fucked up because she's literally trans but I cant explain it. I just imagine what it's like to date other women as I grow up. I have a specific type, you know- blonde women, femmes. She's not really like that anymore. She dresses in baggy clothes and stuff like that all the time and it can be hard to see her as the beautiful woman she is when she passes as a guy still. I wonder all the time what it's like dating a cisgender woman, I know it's so transphobic to even say that it's just I don't even feel like a lesbian when she doesn't even try to dress nice anymore. And she doesn't really have body image issues, she just dresses like that bc she wants to, which I'll never ever stop her or make her feel bad for it. She just didn't used to be like that. I'm really confused right now so any advice is welcome please. And before you recommend talking yo her about it, I already have and nothings changing. She's going to the same shitty therapist she never liked going to and refuses to even consider antidepressants, even though wellbutrin saved her life last year. And if I talk to her about this more I'm afraid she'll cut herself again because since the estrogen thing she's done that, she's clean now though for a week I think. Or two. Idk. She doesn't like to keep count.

miss_anonymous

Date posted: 25w

ROCD *long post*

I’m looking at old pictures and videos of my ex and I didn’t feel a spark or anything looking at them. During our relationship there were times I found her attractive and other times I didn’t. Almost like her weight triggered me and I felt guilty about that because I really tried to not focus on that. I don’t know why I was/am so fixated on her weight. I was doing the “what ifs” as a form of ERP. I was saying in my head, “what if she’s big what if she’s not” while looking at these pictures and videos. And then looking at it again, I was trying to remember what I felt when I was with her and took out the physical and it made my anxiety go down a bit. But I don’t wanna force anything or get myself too hyped up but for that second I felt at ease. I’m ngl I’m a little more confident then I was a year ago w/ myself. Sometimes I ask myself, “was I fixated on her weight and certain people seeing her bc I was uncomfortable about how I looked?” I’m trying to sit with uncertainty. I know this is a process and I am scared what’s gonna happen. “What if she moves on? What if I do?” I feel like I don’t know what love is anymore or if I ever was attracted to her in the first place. I’m also scared that if she does lose weight I’ll like her more and become more attracted. I’ve looked a pictures of her before and it triggers me bc I am attracted a little bit more and that makes me feel guilty. I know looks aren’t everything and they shouldn’t be. She’s honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Does there need to be a spark all the time or does it fade in a relationship? Before getting on this app and seeing a therapist, we were talking everyday and I felt like when we would FaceTime I would look at her physical and my instrusive thoughts would kick in. I noticed that certain ways she layed or turned her head, I felt more attracted to her and I hated that. She had dyed her hair back in November and I felt more attracted to her , but my thoughts got to me and I felt like if I flirted it would come off fake. My thoughts would say, “she’s more attractive bc she has different color.” I kept my distance because I thought maybe if I continue to see my therapist and get on medication i would feel differently. I was hoping something would happen or I would feel something like I did when we first got together. But I’ll be honest when I first met her I wasn’t attracted. So maybe this isn’t an OCD thing? I’m confused. But I feel more confident with myself now, but I know I still have a long way to go. I’ve only been in therapy for 6 months. I’m just getting impatient and I’m trying not to.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

is it rocd or just a relationship?

hey you guys i’m new to the app, i just wanted to come on here and share part of what i’ve been struggling with recently- around the beginning of 2024 i started having intrusive thoughts and they completely took over my life to the point where i began planning my suicide once i had finished out some of my commitments for that year. during that time i met this girl and we began texting and keeping in touch with each other every single day since last february. (tw suicide) unfortunately i did have to spend some time in a hospital after i attempted suicide in may of 2024 and i never really knew if this girl was into me or if she even liked girls but we kept talking up until the end of october where we finally said we liked each other. immediately i could tell smth was wrong bc i was shaking and crying and completely scared because i wanted to be very clear that i couldn’t commit to a relationship and then i disclosed to her i was in the hospital in may and i still hadn’t fully recovered from that (#stillhavent #butiwillsoitsokay😛) and i felt awful that i had responded to such an amazing moment like that andever since then i had been plagued with these constant thoughts about not liking her, being straight (which i still don’t know and fully branched out into SOOCD and i have an incredibly hard time distinguishing what is OCD and what is genuinely true about my sexuality because ive never really felt like this for a girl) and for about 4 months we went out on dates where i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i wasn’t acting like myself or i was being rude to her or i was more attracted to male passerby’s than her or i accidentally thought something about her that just felt so mean and horrible. i also convinced myself it could never work because i couldn’t picture her face and that continued for the first two months, but then i decided to call things off at the beginning of march because i just couldn’t handle debating if i actually liked her if i was gay if i was a horrible person and if i was wrong for all the things i thought every single day and currently we’re on a break because i tried to call things off and she kind of talked me out of it in a very kind and understanding way. i just hate leaving her in limbo because at the end of the day i just want her to be happy because she is an amazing incredible and sweet person and if i wasted more of her time i’d feel even more awful. kinda long lowk… if u read all this thank u and lmk what u think:)

LiaExe28

Date posted: 15w

Couple of rough days - soocd

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

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