Feel like such a loser

Ok, I’m 23 years old guy and I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything intimate with a female. There’s reasons for it I think growing up I was awkward, shy, and at times out of shape. But now I take good care of myself and though I struggle a lot with my mental health I think I could bring a lot to the table but I’ve just never been able to find somebody. I put myself out there on apps(no success) or just being out in the world hoping to meet someone naturally just nothing. I was pretty fine with this fact of waiting for the right person and taking more time than others to find love for most of my life..but everyday I get older it gets more embarrassing. Seeing friends and peers in relationships and talk about intimacy feels like I’m missing out on such a core fundamental part of the human experience. I try not to compare myself to others and have my own journey but I feel kind of pathetic honestly. I’ve been a hopeless romantic for my whole life I think it’s such a beautiful part of life and I’ve been dreaming of the day..that might be a problem honestly because I have such a romanization of it and idea of what it should be that the few chances I might’ve had I overthought or dropped because it didn’t fit that image I had…love at first sight, sparks flying etc..maybe I should be more open..And on top of all of that I do struggle with the fear I’m far to broken or far gone mentally to ever be able to maintain a relationship which hurts because as I’ve expressed it’s what I want most in life. Thank you for reading it might not be 100 percent ocd related but I needed to express this somewhere and I love this community helps me a lot, if anyone in my age group struggles with something similar feel free to share.

bbgirl94

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17h

I hear you, this can be so difficult. I’m 30 years old & I’ve never had a boyfriend. At 29, I dated for the first time which resulted in an ROCD flare. I didn’t date in my early 20s for a variety of reasons. It can leave you feeling left out or less than. That is not true. I don’t know you, but I hope you know you bring value to this world. Your worth isn’t tied to your relationship status. Fear can lie to us and make us believe that we can’t do it. It can be challenging, but it is possible. My encouragement is don’t let fear stop you. Continue to put yourself out there, but take breaks if you need to. You haven’t met everyone who will love you yet.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

You are not a loser. Get out there and meet people. Bars, church groups ... friends 23 year old sisters. Be nice, genuine and if you can help it funny. Once someone seems interested, you can share something vulnerable about youself and then at some point express that you are interested and committed to seeing them again. A lot of people on here may struggle with intimacy because of something called blunting from medication they take. I wouldn't mention that though. The key to advancing in a relationship is to be open and honest about what you want. You don't know what people are thinking. They may want the same thing. Also, rejection happens. Often times, people will reject someone based on something that isn't even true. DO NOT fixate on yourself. DO pay her a genuine compliment now and then. Good luck and God Bless. God wants you to be married first.

bafiire

Date posted: 16h

you are not alone❤️ im 18 and ive never been in a relationship with a boy before its difficult especially with time you feel like you are just less and less experienced and so that no one will want you. i get it truly. but know there is someone there for you. i am too a romantic and expect yk sparks and hearts all around me but in reality love can be jaded and bleak. i think you need to just get over your first obstacle just put yourself out there and then it will become better with time. but always befote you get in a relationship you alwayd need to love yourself before you can love someone else ❤️❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 9h

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’m 22 and I’ve never even had my first kiss yet. I can barely talk to people I don’t know, especially guys who I find attractive. I’m just very shy and self conscious so it’s hard. It can be very discouraging at our age to see others finding people they’re compatible with so easily, but I don’t think it’s as uncommon as people might think. And being a hopeless romantic should be considered a great trait to have these days honestly cause it’s not something I see a lot of anymore. You sound like a very nice and genuine person so when you find that special someone who loves you for you, know that the wait will be worth it

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Struggling😢

Can having socd make you lose attraction. I have never be the girl to obsess or chase after boys does that mean I’m gay. I had crushes on them but I would rather die then have them know I like them. Plus I knew they were out of my league so even if they did like me I feel like I would say no for some reason. I have been single all my life and thinking of being in a relationship feels so weird and scary and foreign. Like I feel like I won’t be in a relationship. I won’t look good with anyone or I will feel like an imposter. Idk how to explain it. I want to feel love but all this is making me feel like I never will.

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

Advice

As someone who has never been in a relationship it’s hard for me to envision myself in one and know what it will feel like. I feel like being 21 I’ve protected myself a lot due to insecurity. I want a boyfriend and yet I don’t it’s just all really scary for me. I never had the stupid relationship to break the ice and now I’m putting so much pressure and emphasis on things and finding the RIGHT person. Also have hocd definitely doesn’t help. I’m working on myself and doing my best. But my current feelings are: I don’t like the way I look, I can’t imagine myself with someone, and I’m never going to find someone I click with and feel good with. Any advice??????

jcai68

Date posted: 20w

Anyone else get really hung up on crushes?

Okay, just wanna start by saying that I don’t have ROCD. I have perfectionism OCD, and I get intrusive thoughts that no one will like me, I’ll lose all my friends, I’ll be alone for life, etc. if I don’t have things “just right.” I feel like every time I like someone, my OCD just gets worse cause if I don’t perform compulsions, I feel like I have no chance with him. Your handwriting wasn’t smooth? Guess your love life won’t be either. The volume of your phone was too low? Guess your chances with him are too. Failed to draw your graph perfectly symmetrical? Guess what else you’ll fail at. It’s honestly exhausting, and that it isn’t even it. I feel like I tend to fixate on my crushes also. I wanna be 100% sure they’re a good fit before making a move, and that’s really problematic cause there’s just no way to know. And even if I deem that they’re a good guy, I STILL won’t do anything cause I always expect the worst! What if the first impression that I make is so bad that he wants nothing to do with me? I put so much pressure on myself to get him to like me back that I’m terrified to make a move. I’m so focused on the prospect of a second convo that I don’t even want to have the first convo! Like rn, there’s this dude that caught my eye. He’s a senior in high school, while I’m a junior. I’m taking AP bio, and he’s taking AP chem—both are 1.5 periods, so I see him in the cafe and during the passing period (we leave the cafe halfway through the lunch period). I purposely plant myself next to him in the halls during the passing period but haven’t worked up the courage to talk to him. He’s single, I don’t have any classes with him this year, he’ll be at college next year, we follow each other on instagram, and my friends have told me that he’s nice (and keeps to himself), so there’s minimal risk in trying to talk to him. Thing is though, every time I think about introducing myself, I just imagine all the ways that it can go wrong. What if he hates me? What if my first impression is actually good and we become friends, but he doesn’t like me back? What if I tell him I like him over messages, and he screenshots my text and posts it on his instagram story? I don’t know what to do. I know that high school is kinda early and that I still have time to figure things out. I’m just worried that I still won’t have things figured out when I need to. Any advice or personal experience would be welcome and greatly appreciated!

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