I’m unsure

@ORACK Making everything look so easy that no one even thinks Im suffering or could need any help! Ha! I won! ,,,

@ORACK You’re the first soul who has had a relatable response to exactly what I’m feeling. How do you handle it,? Each day I tell myself that it’s okay if I lax up a little bit because “no one else is taking this so seriously” but I can’t.

@TrashRacer013 Honestly, I kept moving. Pivoted and changed paths if I started getting too exhausted or if people started to notice that it was all a facade. I am here because I have nothing figured out. All I know is that I have to be honest with myself at least and in a safe space where I can regroup and recharge for me

@ORACK Sometimes I try to do that as well, change something either minor or major, but now I’m having this battle with trying to find routine in the chaos of it all. I fight between wanting to be spontaneous or strict with my life and I have all these fake rules that I feel like I have to live by. I definitely think being honest is a good start and I’ve just recently started practicing that. I only opened the app today after having it downloaded for 2 months lol

@TrashRacer013 Routine! Such distain! I cannot stay on the routine train. Self discipline with swaps works best for me for short increments. That is my success spot. I too crave the stability of a regimen, which my mind so desperately needs to check everything off. Spontaneity removes all the pressure and it should give me the freedom to be still and feel okay. But, it never does feel okay. The racing angst wins. The either or fights it out. It feels like something is going to fall apart, end, fail, stop, and if it doesn't then the mind starts racing and churning and the whole tail spin is spun again! I just decided that I wanted to live that last part of my life with intention and try to attain self actualization. Sounds like you are too! Great insight on your part.

@ORACK It just came to a point where I had to sit down with myself and come to the realization that how I view how my life should run, isn’t healthy. I’m more scared of the fact that I’m always going to be so anxiety filled that I’ve stepped out and reached out for help. Thank you so much I’m saving all of this you have no idea the relief it feels to have someone else struggle like I do and seem (at least over the internet) to have it way more together than me. I’ve confided in others but I’m met with responses like “why is it bad to be so hardworking! that’s a good trait!” Well then why am I so exhausted,??