Psychiatric trauma - anyone else & willing to talk

My OCD is directly tied to my PTSD from being hospitalized in the past. I feel incredibly alone because of this. I’m 26 and was hospitalized twice - once when I was 14 for an eating disorder, where I experienced solitary confinement and SA. Then again when I was 22 for depression, where I was “cold-turkey” from one of my medications and almost had a heart attack. I’m traumatized because of these events and struggle with “insanity OCD” that directly ties into my trauma where I get terrified I’ll “lose control” and do something that will cause me to be hospitalized against my will and taken away from my loved ones. I’m scared to even seek therapy or reach out. If anyone has similar experiences/lived experience I’d greatly appreciate your guidance. Please forgive any grammatical errors; I’m not in the best state of mind rn.

TrashRacer013

Date posted: 10h

I experienced something fairly horrible from a psych nurse when I was hospitalized as well. I’m unsure of any advice to give you. I believe I haven’t yet started to process what happened and I haven’t been to a psychiatrist since either. So at the least, I understand you.

Mela55

Date posted: 10h

Hi Violet, First and foremost, you are not alone and it is not your fault that you had this experience. You have done everything right. You have taken the proper precautions to ensure your own safety and help by seeking help. You deserve to give yourself a chance and give yourself a break. Don’t be hard on yourself . Also don’t fear being hospitalized again. Nature can really assist you with grounding yourself and calming those thoughts. Please don’t fear seeking help or reaching. But don’t pressure yourself either because pressure also burst pipes. You are safe. It is just your thoughts dear one.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10h

You should get therapy my OCD is directly related to my trauma not to tell too much but I was a victim of child sexual abuse when I was 4-5 years old and it haunts me everyday no matter what I do get help your body and mind needs it but you need help from a professional someone who can grasp your situation and actually understand because just explaining or telling someone else could lead you feeling even worse my best advice is ur on the right path just because of the fact you’re on this app now all you have to do is make the right steps I’m 27 so only a year older then you and I completely understand what you’re going through this app does a great job of showing you that we all suffer the same and change is possible their is sunshine over the horizon but you won’t see it unless you fight what bothers you in your mind and seek help from your allies I’m telling you people here can understand what your family and love ones cannot and will make you feel a hell of a lot better

ORACK

Date posted: 9h

@Violet1998 I understand you completely. I too have PTSD from hospitalizations, but from surgery. I have had several. While this may not seem related, I believe that it is. I refused to go back to the hand surgeon after I completed the surgery and therapy. It had been nearly a year of a hell that I wanted to shove to a place that I would never remember. But slowly, I started to lose my hand mobility more frequently and eventually for longer periods of time. I still refused to get help. My other hand had to carry me through for years. Finally, just this last year, now I can barely use both hands. My worst fear had come true! I had to face my biggest fear. I had to accept the fact that I had to see the hand specialist. He started with less invasive treatments. But, I also had to listen to him tell me that I needed surgery on both hands now. There is good news here. 1. I faced my fear and faced the surgeon that for years I had nightmares about- nothing he did wrong. 2. I had to accept the consequences of my delayed treatment. 3. I had a choice to accept his professional opinion or get a second one. 4. I could choose to do therapy or something else. You see where I am going? Facing my fear allowed me take back the power to regain control over the direction of my life. I chose to get a 2nd opinion. I chose to do therapy. And if all fails, I will choose the surgeon that I am most comfortable with. Treatment matters. 💖

Lean_into_th...

Date posted: 24w

OCD/Trauma/Depression

Hi everyone. I haven't posted on here in quite in some time. I'm hesitant to post but I'm battling some things that are compounding onto each other. I've had ocd since 15 I'm 30 now..I feel it's still there but much better than years ago. Currently though I'm really struggling with depression and trauma too. Atleast I believe it's trauma and my psychiatrist saw some indicators. Long story short I was in a relationship with a narcissist and I'm still recovering. I feel my nervous system is still kinda on fight or flight. I've learned that our bodies very much stores trauma. Alongside this I'm pretty critical of my appearance and my self esteem is not so great. I've been putting myself out there more and socializing but I can't shake this feeling of being stuck in an endless loop. It's hard to tell what to tackle. It's difficult for me..I don't know if ocd treatment is for me or more so trauma based therapy. I think there is some overlap..any advice or feedback would be appreciated. A side note I've done ERP in the past and I've been to treatment centers such as mclean. I feel like I need a community because I feel pretty alone but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 14w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

Neko_Mancer

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

I feel broke and hopeless.

I'm currently at one of the lowest points with my OCD despite me working so hard on it and everything that I know it stems from because a lot of my OCD comes from trauma from sexual abuse as a kid and as I got older and a lot of other stuff which is also why I have Complex PTSD. I was doing so well, I started medication, and I was in this dual housing program for treatment and everything was going okay. That was until I ended up getting SA’D by a man there and none of the staff cared or did anything despite me doing everything possible and gathering all of this evidence and all the people there either didn't care or bullied me relentlessly as they laughed with my abuser. It was so painful and I felt so alone. I think what triggered my spiral was that it was very similar to the reactions of my past assaults and thus my OCD came spiralling alongside my C-PTSD symptoms and I feel like it is worse then before. I left that place but its still absolutely terrible and I feel so hopeless and hurt. Not only did this man hurt me like I have been in the past he brought back the very thing that caused me so many years of suffering. It makes me sick. I don't want to think these thoughts or feel these horrible urges and sensations. I feel so disgusting and broken.

POCD

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Psychiatric trauma - anyone else & willing to talk

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