Any bisexual people on here, I got some questions ?

Did it make you obsess over the fact that you might be attracted to one sex and not both?

@NocturnalGyal Mine has been HOCD. And in in my recovery stages a bit. However, my attraction to guys hasn't fully returned yet and I'm still hyper aware of females and I'm trying my best not to ruminate over this. Idk if I should accept being bi or if this is just apart of the recovery. I don't anxiety to the thought of being with a woman anymore so idk what to think. I have a bf and also suffer ROCD so ?

@NocturnalGyal It made me obsess over the fear of being gay. All women became a trigger. Then I overcame my theme and I went back to my “normal.” And now my sexuality or possible attractions don’t scare me one bit.

@pureolife Did you suffer a loss of attraction towards the opposite sex as well?

@NocturnalGyal Yes. It disappeared completely during HOCD. And it was SO convincing. But once i got over the OCD, my attraction towards the opposite sex came back stronger than ever. With any sexual orientation OCD: you will lose track of what you actually prefer and if wil feel disorienting. Conquer the OCD, allow for uncertainty, and you’ll get back to what you actually want.

@pureolife Omg thank you so much for your replies ? I've been feeling so disoriented and so uncomfortable with these thoughts it's insane! You've helped me a ton! I will try my best to live with uncertainty and take one day at a time. Recovery just takes a while ??

Alright so! Did you always know you were bisexual? Or did it just pop out of no where and turned into an obsession?

Like was it something you obsessed over? Or you just knew

@NocturnalGyal I obsessed over it. Then I went thru a drinking phase for several years. During my drinking years, I would giving in to the obsessions. While I don't recommend going on benders, it did allow me to "experiment " for lack of better terms. Lol. I had my fun, it's not for me. I would probably do it again one day. Long story short, I am not affraid or obsessed with questioning my sexuality anymore. Again, I don't recommend alcohol (sober for 2 years now), but maybe feed the obsession.. might turn out that it's not for you and you can move on.

@JDubb So you obsessed over being gay? Like HOCD? I've kissed women before but I didn't feel any sort of inclination to persue them at all, it was enjoyable but I never thought anything more about it. But my HOCD is using this as proof. I've had opportunities to be with sexual with women but I never wanted to because it just was not my thing. So my HOCD has messed me up so much. Again, I love my bf and don't want to leave him but thr thoughts are still frequent and feel real

@NocturnalGyal That is exactly how it was for me. You already tested the waters. It wasn't for you like it wasn't for me. No need to stress over it, you already tried it. I'm not sure if you and your man are sexually active... but if so, try a 3some?.. lol. He would love that, and you can try whatever you want. No judgment.

@JDubb I'm just trying to settle the thoughts down. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship and I fear that if I engage with a woman like that, I will enjoy it and leave my boyfriend. I've been thinking so much about these thoughts that I don't even know what I want anymore. I'm just getting out of the storm of it all and my identity is just so out of wack. I know I am sexually and romantically attracted to men. But the idea of being with a woman doesn't give me anxiety anymore! That's what freaking me out like it feels like i wouldn't mind being with a woman romantically but I don't want to but my brain keeps throwing me these thoughts saying I want them but I don't. It's such a hot mess in my head and it makes me cry all the time thinking about it.

@NocturnalGyal Sounds like backdoor spike

@poprocks1 Better explained here: “As this habituation takes place, the person’s thoughts and feelings become more congruent with those of non-HOCD sufferers. In other words, the individual becomes less upset by the presence of the unwanted thoughts and feelings they experience related to the issue of sexual orientation. At this juncture, some with HOCD then begin to obsess that they are not “bothered enough” by the trigger, and then use this as evidence of their homosexuality. This is sometimes referred to as (awkwardly enough) a “backdoor spike” because the OCD goes from identifying the fear as evidence of being gay, to now identifying the lack of fear as evidence of being gay.”

@poprocks1 Omg this sounds very accurate thank you so much

Did you always know you were bisexual? Or did it just pop up one day

@NocturnalGyal I wouldn’t say I always knew, really- I think when I was young I almost wasn’t aware it was an option? I grew up religious and the life plan that was laid out for me was essentially grow up, marry a man, have kids. As I grew older I sort of came to realize that people could be gay or bi. As I started having crushes on boys, eventually crushes for girls joined them. I would not say it just “popped up” one day, though. I believe I have always been queer, but didn’t necessarily know it until I was older and began to know and understand that it was even an option I had. I also then had to unpack a lot of internalized homophobia and biphobia before I was comfortable accepting and exploring my feelings towards girls. It’s a journey that I’m still exploring, but at the end of the day, no matter who I love, I know I’ll be okay and end up happy.

@Delaney Thank you for sharing! :) I Beleive I suffer from internalized biophobia as well. My family has always said it doesn't exist and it's either one or the other. So I guess I have to get over that too