My wife told me last night that our marriage is 85% my OCD and that she is considering a divorce. I started ERP this week and have been making good progress. I’m giving it my all to getting better and I just feel seriously overwhelmed right now. Any advice on dealing with OCD when it has an impact on your partner? My wife also has BPD.
I have had to find the boundaries for what I tell my husband because if they don’t have OCD they truly don’t understand, I mean he is supportive but they don’t understand how some of your compulsions and rituals feel like they need to happen or something bad will happen. I finally feel free from OCD this spiral I literally had 2 months of hell including getting laid off it was absolutely utterly terrible!!
I am sorry to hear about your struggle. It's amazing that you already doing progress. Don't talk a lot with her about your thoughts, work hard on your recovery and try to meet her needs. Show her that you will fight for your marriage.
I am so sorry you're going through this. OCD is tough enough without having to deal with marital strife. Does she understand OCD, what you're dealing with? NOCD has placed some videos on YouTube, designed to educate loved ones on the disorder. Maybe it will help. You can also ask your therapist to speak with her. If she knows you're taking the right steps toward recovery, maybe she'll cut you some slack. Hope this helps.
I deal with bpd and ocd. She might be going through a split moment because I tend to do that with im overwhelmed. Just try to give her space until she can actually make sure if that’s what she wants to do
Very sorry to hear about this. It's good that ERP is working for you, but it's unfortunate that your wife thinks this way. Have you both talked about what OCD is for you before? Or how it makes you feel that she doesn't really understand what you're going through?
Wow I’m not really sure my husband is usually understanding or at least overall understanding. I think I do hurt his feelings with my obsessions/ responses. I think you should just speak with her and let her know it’s not your fault you have ocd. And that you will practice erp to help with your responses.
This is in response to everyone. I appreciate all the support and advice. Thank you all. My wife is familiar with OCD. I don’t think she fully understands it at times. I am going to educate her about it more. I’m going to work on setting healthy boundaries with what I say about my OCD to her. We both decided we are going to try and work through this and go to couples counseling. I am 100% fighting for marriage. ERP will help me over time as well.
❤️🙏 good idea with couples counseling - be also aware that they probably don't know the OCD mechanisms. I mean they can give advice like "talk about everything and be honest" - that's good basic advice, but in the OCD context we have to be wise, don't give OCD all focus, don't tell your partner things to get reassurance and so forth...Hope your OCD therapist can give you a direction. Wishing you strength to fight!💪
What is a common family joke. OCD is hereditary on my father's side. However I also live with complex PTSD, and ADHD. I didn't learn till recently how severe my OCD is and the intensity gets amplified if the though goes to either of the other two. It's a loop I've identified recently... just little too late. I've lived with OCD for years not really addressing it till I see that's the very reason I cause damage to loved ones. I'm married, 33, a vet. My marriage is not in the best place now. I have a son who's 4 and already showing signs of OCD. Currently my marriage is at a point where we are working on ourselves. It's discovered that my wife's issues are reflections of my own. I understand fully now that I am the center of the issues but also the solution. I need help for me. What happens with my relationships depends on me showing that I am better and able to process thoughts and emotions better. Journaling helps alot. Trying to do hobbies or this that and 3rd but. I'm willing to try anything. Things are on a line. I'm open to any and all POV and ideas. I'm not out crying. I'm taking a big step for me. Something 25 years over due. Thank you for reading this. As I tell myself now. You'll best this and be better
I’ve been really struggling with Relationship OCD since I got married, and 3 years later, I’m afraid I’ve lost the love of my life. Between the Relationship OCD, the Religious OCD, and the Sexuality OCD, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Now that she left, the fog of doubt has faded, and I’m realizing how much I truly loved her all along. I just don’t understand how our minds can play such sabotaging tricks on us. And why? I don’t know what to do. I hope and pray we eventually get back together, but I know I need help. I want to do whatever I can to return to a place where she can feel loved by me, the way she did before ROCD took over. Is anyone here going through something similar? Has anyone overcome ROCD? Were you able to repair your relationship? I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.
I don’t think much of this has to do with OCD and the subtypes that I struggle with: Harm OCD and religious OCD and Guilt OCD. Yesterday, I felt like a failure. I’ve been volunteering at my church to help families affected by some wild fires and I’ve been managing a lot of the logistics associated with it. I love this type of work and the people I work with. I consistently struggle with not giving my heart away so easily to the various interns or full time staff there. My affections were all over the place yesterday and thinking about how I looked or appeared toward one person in particular. I tried on four different occasions to remind myself and to refocus that she was an just like an older sister in my faith and to try and think of her as a literal sister as well, but it didn't really change how I was feeling. It was really cool at some points I felt very comfortable to talk briefly about my story. Told her about my wife and my son (we are currently separated and living in different states) and the battle I’ve had with OCD. Yet I could see that I was jealous for her attention. It was pretty much just us there yesterday. There was a guy named Jim and I felt like I was just irritated that he was there, because he was taking the attention from me. It wasn't all bad, we were able to help a lot of families, I made my son and awesome video, there were moments of relief when I recalled her as my sister and got to hear more about her testimony, in a way deeper conversations helped me see her more than just a crush or temptation. Idk. I've asked for forgiveness to the Lord and I know even though I feel guilty and upset at myself, that He is rooting me on. My wife and I have been going through an uncontested divorce, a lot of it has to do with OCD and this new diagnosis, but as you can see by what I’m struggling with there are other problems as well within me as I’m trying to be a faithful husband, a strong father, and a just good friend to the people in my life. For so long I went to relationships and the hope of one as a source of life, but when I got married I kept trying to find life in “what if I was with this person?” I’ve caused real hurt to my wife and struggling to stop the way I feel so easily when I’m around different people and love everyone how I am supposed to.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
