komorebi11

Date posted: 21h

How can it just do this? And I have no control?

How can it just switch the narrative. And when I call it out on its bullshit. It means nothing? It’s switched again “what if you did this too” I already don’t believe what you are telling me. But this one I know I haven’t done. I even said it days ago because I knew it may switch to something like this. “I know I haven’t done this. Don’t believe it. Ive never even done anything similar.” And yet as soon as the thought hits. It doesn’t matter. My certainty is gone. And it’s “could it be possible? Even the slightest chance?” No! No it couldn’t. I know. How can it be allowed to do this to me? I go shower. I try to get on with my day. And In the shower. The thought just pops up. And that’s it? It’s not fair. I didn’t do this. I know I didn’t. And yet my certainty slips with each passing moment..

Anonymous

Date posted: 21h

I understand exactly what you’re going through don’t let those thoughts win

komorebi11

Date posted: 21h

@Anonymous Thank you for responding. How do I not let the thoughts win. Do you know how? I know eventually it will be replaced by another “What If” yet I’m so scared of how much worse these thoughts can get and what it can convince me I have done next.. Even when I know I haven’t..

Anonymous

Date posted: 20h

@komorebi11 I wish I could take your pain and uncertainty away but the only thing I can truly say that helps is talking about it I suffer from SO-OCD and the thoughts I get are terrible but I do believe that their is a way past this a way for the intrusive thoughts to not bother you and me both what helps a lot is talking about it tho I’m always available to talk in discord if u want

komorebi11

Date posted: 20h

@Anonymous I don’t think I can talk about it. As you can see i don’t disclose my thoughts at all. And the worse they get. Sometimes I feel like I can speak about them. Then my thoughts make it all worse. So I couldn’t possibly. I can’t even write them down because I’m so scared..

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@komorebi11 I understand if u ever need motivation or just to see how other people live with so-ocd just look at my posts

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@komorebi11 If you ever need a friend or someone to talk to about this sort of stuff I got you I know it’s hard and coming from someone that suffers from so-ocd it’s one of the worst and I’ve done some terrible things

komorebi11

Date posted: 19h

@Anonymous What is SO-OCD? I don’t think that’s what I’m going through. But of course. I know all themes feel like the end of the world for us no matter what.

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@komorebi11 It’s called sexual orientation ocd

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@komorebi11 It’s a terrible form of ocd

Anonymous

Date posted: 21h

You’re stronger then this

Anonymous

Date posted: 21h

If you need someone to talk to I’m here

Lemonmind_

Date posted: 20h

Yeah I struggle with this SM , I try not to identify with my thoughts and ignore them but still they just pop up in the back of my mind , I’ve been doing ERP for 5 weeks now and it’s kinda been helping with my anxiety but my mental checking and compulsions are still there , I just try to remind myself that I am not my thoughts and I focus more on the reality of my life instead of the “what if’s , I saw this one therapist on YouTube that said “if the fear or thought isn’t 1000% happening right now in front of you then don’t worry about it “ thats been really helping me ground myself instead of spiraling on the what if’s .

Anonymous

Date posted: 20h

@Lemonmind_ That’s so good I’m proud of you bro I haven’t gotten a chance to do ERP yet cause I owe hella bread to my therapist and I only did 2 sessions lol but all the help I’ve gotten is literally helping a lot

Lemonmind_

Date posted: 20h

@Anonymous I do it by myself since I can’t afford therapy right now , it’s really hard and takes a lot of patience but being apart of the OCD community definitely helps me not feel alone on this journey. Some days I fail and some days I do really good , but on those bad days I remind myself that I need to show up for myself everyday with ERP or else my fears and compulsions will only grow bigger . But thank you (: , I hope you are able to get more ERP sessions

dee012

Date posted: 25w

False memory UGHH!

I hate this! so f-ing annoying! my brain gets over one “what if”, then goes onto the next immediately. It’s like my punishment for feeling and sort of peace or relief. for example, I did a compulsion yesterday trying to see if I did anything bad/inappropriate, I eventually got relief and was like I didn’t do anything bad but then today I did the compulsion one more time just to make sure and then I finally got relief and then my ocd latched onto the compulsion I did today and was like “what if u did something bad/inappropriate but don’t remember” like wtf. this JUST happened. it feels like i forget things immediately!!! Idek if this makes sense im just venting this is so annoying

eb123456789

Date posted: 24w

Relief followed by questioning that relief

Does anyone else experience a moment of clarity where you feel strong relief that the intrusive thought isn’t true, only to then immediately start questioning if you’ve only convinced yourself that because you don’t want the thought to be true? I’m pretty confident it would take some crazy mental gymnastics to actually successfully convince myself I didn’t do something that I deep down knew I did, but every time I resist the compulsions and try to sit with the uncertainty or tell myself to think about what is logical, I usually briefly know that this probably didn’t happen but am unable to move on out of fear I’m just in denial and have convinced myself of that.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

I can’t tell anything real anymore

This situation just happened and I can definitely remember how it went but my brain is telling me otherwise and I know you guys said to sit with the uncertainty but what if the intrusive thought is so bad like disgusting, I can’t sit with that. Maybe it’s false memory but this just happened. I don’t even know how to live with this

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How can it just do this? And I have no control?

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