- Date posted
- 18h
Anyone wanna share their HOCD experience?
Cause i feel like i am the only one with these thoughts
Cause i feel like i am the only one with these thoughts
Your not the only one dw
I know it probably feels like your the only one but trust me alot of us probably have the same exact things your going through š
I am listening, tell me more, then we decide if whether or not you are indeed the only one šāāļø (sorry if this sounds kind of offensive, luv yall)
@7th.gen.spiritbearer I just feel like in the beginning of last year I knew I wasnāt gay and that it was just evil thoughts, but as I have lived with it for so long now, I am so close to giving in and breaking up with my bf and just isolating myself and coming out as a Lesbian, even though EVERYONE says that I am not, and I did to in the beginningā¦but I just want the thoughts to end
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl So, the urge to come out as a lesbian is an ocd urge and it wonāt get better if you do( trust me on this because Iāve been here)
@Ms.shelovesfrogs Really, thank uā¦it helps to hear that other people is more āwiseā
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl Youāre welcome. Just keep on sitting with maybe, maybe not. It would loosen ocd grip on you and donāt expect ocd to just disappear or let go(sometimes it doesnāt) but once you change how you react to it, it would be like having tinnitus and ignoring it
@Ms.shelovesfrogs Yes itās just so hard, cause I feel like I need to know and be certain, and right now the only answer is that I am what my thoughts say
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl You are not your thoughts ā¹ļøsadly ocd latches onto what matters the most in our lives and twist it
We can't both be the only ones. I think this is extremely common. I think the way kids are raised today gives them too much spare time and too little interaction with people. When you interact with people you figure out what you are like, and what you like. When you're alone in your bedroom, all you can do is worry that you're not enough or something is wrong with you. And, you can look at the examples people show off on social media... So to sum up my view: blame society for your anxiety. growing up, I dealt with HOCD by thinking through the process of accepting myself as gay. I thought through coming out to my friends and family. Scripting this would be so much easier today now that I have several gay friends, one of whom I'm very close to and share at least two diagnoses with. But, I was still able to do it then. I knew the kids who bullied me would make fun of me a lot harder if I was gay, but dealing with them was already so hard that I didn't think piling that on top would make much difference. After thinking through what I felt like was enough, it was kinda just like "yeah, maybe I'm gay". I guess, at the end of the day, I found a way to let go. Once I let go, I could observe without obsessing. I wouldn't turn a tiny little sensation in my groin into a whole stressful daydream rumination. it would just be "yeah maybe", and I'd stay calm. I think that staying calm is really what lets you observe yourself. And, turns out, dudes do give me hella groinal responses all the time. But, I'm still not gay. That's just part of being a person I guess. I think it actually comes from anxiety. It makes sense to be able to recognize attractiveness in the same sex, they're your competition, and that's probably what causes the anxiety. At this point I have observed that nothing I feel in my groin will actually make my brain want to take a guys clothes off. "yeah, maybe I'm gay". I still have that attitude. I have no less respect for homosexuals as an adult, so I wouldn't lose any respect for myself either. At this point I really feel like my quality of life would not decrease at all if I discovered I was actually gay and had been repressing it. I hope something in this word salad helped. :)
@roweder I helped so much, I am glad you guys wanna take your time to try and help - thank u!
@ImJustA19YearOldGirl I needed people too, and they were there for me :)
Hey everyone. I wanted to share my story and some of the things I have/am experiencing in my journey with OCD- particularly with Sexual Orientation OCD. My goal is not to use this as a means for reassurance for myself or for any other, rather as to be a reminder for myself and you all that you are NOT alone. No matter what you are experiencing you arenāt alone, and we have all gone through the same thoughts and feelings as you, in whatever form they may have been. For personal reasons I will not share my name, but I do want to share about me and my journey with what has truly been one of the hardest things Iāve ever experienced. I am a 24 year old female and for as long as Iāve remembered Iāve always been a āworrierā. My dad used to tell me that worrying will be the fastest way Iād die lol. Oh! How I wish I could go back to those days of just simply worry. For the past few years I have struggled with what I now know is intrusive thoughts. But, luckily for me they were a little calmer than what Iāve experienced now. They were the occasional worrying that my boyfriend died but I would get over it rather quickly. Well, in may of 2024, I had just graduated college, was about to get married and about to move out. So, that triggered some switch in my brain and thus began this horrible disease of OCD. My main type has been SO-OCD but I have found some moments that Iāve also struggled with ROCD as well as some existential crisis OCD. I have unfortunately not been able to go to therapy because of money but I am on meds and have been using tips and tricks Iāve found online. My goal is to still go to therapy when I can find the right time. And I, like many of you have months of great āfreedomā from the disease; and then, like I find myself now, fall back into its trap. I wanted to share some of the things Iāve experienced with this to see if yāall have experienced the same things and to let you know you are not alone. For reference, I am straight (I am happily married to my wonderful husband). 1. Thoughts from the past: I slightly remember having a thought that Iād be gay when I was around 12-13⦠that was around the time I actually first figured out what that meant. Even then, I (more easily than now) brushed it off. Continued to have about a million crushes on boys and never thought of it again. But now, with my OCD, I feel āconvincedā that that was a sign that I was gay. 2. I have always been a girls girl. Me and my friend have a joke that we are worse than men! Meaning that when we see a pretty girl with a nice body, we stare. We say they are pretty. Never have I ever thought anything of it. It was always from a place of envy and admiration. Never a place of lust or anything along those lines. But NOW. OH! If I even look that direction I feel guilty, I feel like thatās confirmation that I am gay. And even worse- that is one of my compulsions. To look and make myself āproveā Iām not gay. 3. I have lost āfeelingā for my partner. I love my husband. More than anything else. I could not live without him. But since this all happened, my emotions and fears have been all over the place that Iāve somewhat lost that feeling. It doesnāt help that Iām on medicine that can have that effect. I have to just remind myself that love isnāt always feelings, itās a choice. And I choose him every single day. 4. sex life issues: bc/ of the OCD fear as well as my medication, I donāt have much sex drive or pleasure in the bedroom as I did before OCD⦠and, my OCD likes to convince me that that is because I would be better off with a woman (even tho I donāt want that) and then, OH THEN, I proceed to experience some groinal sensation from that though. So- cue even more āproofā that I am gay. well- thatās all I can think of now. Let me know if any one yall struggle with those. And I hope you know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU ARE NOT YOUR OCD š
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that itās most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like Iāve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I donāt feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. Iāve never felt this weirded out. Because Iāve always been straight and still believe I am but Iāve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I donāt believe Iām gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I donāt hate the idea of gay people but I canāt imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I havenāt really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didnāt last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. Iāve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. Iāve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I donāt want this. But I hate how I canāt just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It wonāt quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. Iām lonely I donāt have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe Iām straight and I just canāt see myself with a guy. It just doesnāt feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because thatās where I can have peace of self. It sucks but Iām so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I canāt even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but Iām scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldnāt ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes Iām religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. Iāve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. Iāve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But itās still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I donāt suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I donāt wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
Hi all, I deal with HOCD and been seeing a therapist for about 3.5 months. It has definitely got better but still affects me very much. Was wondering there is anyone out there who has dealt with HOCD as well and has recovered. I would love to message or even chat just see how your experience was and hear what was beneficial to you.
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