At 14 I once searched illegal stuff on an adult website. It was out of curiosity and I wanted to know there aren't such things, but it currently caused me have POCD and false memory OCD which makes me sick, because I feel like I remember in details that I searched that with ill intentions. Since then I remembered every single stuff I ever did, and now I remember when I was younger between 9-12 I might've watched l0li to self please. How can I cope?
I can hear how much this memory and the doubts around it are weighing on you. What you describe—constantly replaying the past, questioning your intentions, and feeling sick from the uncertainty—fits very closely with how OCD works. With POCD and false memory OCD, the mind grabs onto things that matter most to you and twists them into intrusive, distressing doubts. The fact that these thoughts disgust and terrify you is actually a sign of your values, not your secret desires. One of the hardest things about this kind of OCD is how real the memories can feel. Even when something happened out of curiosity or even when nothing happened at all, your brain can create vivid “evidence” that convinces you otherwise. OCD isn’t satisfied with maybe—it always wants absolute certainty. That’s why you find yourself reviewing every detail, trying to be sure of your intentions at age 14, or even wondering about things when you were much younger. But memory is not a tape recorder, and OCD uses that gap to keep you stuck in the loop of “what if.” It may feel like figuring it out once and for all will finally bring relief, but compulsions like replaying memories, confessing, or checking only fuel the cycle. Every time you try to “solve” it, your brain learns the thought must be important, so it brings it back even stronger. The way out is not to solve the doubt, but to let it exist without feeding it. That might sound impossible, but many people with OCD learn to do this through treatment. The approach most often recommended is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a type of therapy that helps you face these intrusive thoughts without performing the compulsions that keep them alive. Over time, your brain learns the anxiety fades on its own and the thought loses its power. It’s not about proving yourself innocent; it’s about no longer needing to. You didn’t choose to have these thoughts or this disorder, and you don’t deserve the shame it brings. You were a curious teenager, not someone with ill intentions. OCD has latched onto that and magnified it far beyond reality. Healing is possible, especially with professional help from someone who understands OCD. While you can’t erase the past, you can build a future where these thoughts don’t control you. You are not alone in this.
Are there chances to feel just like before remembering all this and overthinking?
i did the first one too when i was like 12 out of curiosity
How did you feel?
@Anonymous i feel guilt for it of course but the way i look at it is, i was 12, and i didnt realise the consequences or how wrong it was back then !
@dwestiny Could it be the same for me even if I was 14?
@Anonymous Id say so. If you didn’t realise it was wrong and didn’t realise the consequences, then, yeah, thats how it was for me too💞
I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that
I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?
when I was 15 soon to turn 16, I met this girl in a IG group chat made by our mutual friends. We started talking and eventually we started flirting and talking sexual towards each other, though eventually we stopped talking because she was being really weird. A couple months later In July of 2024 my friend found out that she was actually 13 and that she lied to me about her age. It's been 10 months since l've found out and I still feel so disgusted in myself. I had my suspicions at the time but I let them go since she said she was 16 turning 17. I was completely oblivious trusting someone I only knew online especially since i've never seen their face either. i'm struggling on what to do since i've been suffering with POCD since I was 15. Till this day I still feel weird and disgusted in myself because of that. But it feels ironic since i'm sexualizing someone that's 2 years younger than me and I waited to confirm she was around my age range to sexualize her. I feel so weird and guilty about it idk what to do
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