This ocd is fucked man

I totally get that. Fortunately you’re still breathing, so the life force isn’t gone and you can claim it back. I know this to be true because in my darkest it had taken me completely over. I didn’t even know i had ocd. I was just so wrapped up in depression and so fucking lost and confused about everything. I had believed everything anybody ever said about me or to me that was bad. I only saw the worst in me. I had no forseeable way out of it and was ready to make a final decision without regret. I felt it was the only option i had because nobody wanted or needed me, i ruined everyone’s life. Fortunately, i had a moment of clarity and decided otherwise. I decided after that i would figure out what the hell was going on inside me. It took a while, but i started therapy. I’ve learned so much since, so much i misunderstood, so much bullshit i believed to be true, so much i hated about myself i have since learned (am learning) to show compassion for. It’s been and will continue to be a journey, gladly. The comments i used to get were much like what you hear because in all honestly, it was taking everything good in me and for me and fucking it all up and i looked like i felt. I was angry, confused, sad, lonely, and in my case, was mostly self inflicted because i believed the lies i told myself, what others have told me throughout my life. When i learned to have compassion for the me i hated, it lifted the veil over my heart and eyes and i could finally progress towards who I’ve tried to be my entire life, honest with myself. That’s a lot, sorry it wasn’t short and sweet lol, but i hope what i shared helps.