- Date posted
- 22d
This ocd is fucked man
Everyone around me says I look ill and that I’m a shell of what I used to be, I’ve had it up to my eyeballs OCD has completely sucked the life force out of me
Everyone around me says I look ill and that I’m a shell of what I used to be, I’ve had it up to my eyeballs OCD has completely sucked the life force out of me
I totally get that. Fortunately you’re still breathing, so the life force isn’t gone and you can claim it back. I know this to be true because in my darkest it had taken me completely over. I didn’t even know i had ocd. I was just so wrapped up in depression and so fucking lost and confused about everything. I had believed everything anybody ever said about me or to me that was bad. I only saw the worst in me. I had no forseeable way out of it and was ready to make a final decision without regret. I felt it was the only option i had because nobody wanted or needed me, i ruined everyone’s life. Fortunately, i had a moment of clarity and decided otherwise. I decided after that i would figure out what the hell was going on inside me. It took a while, but i started therapy. I’ve learned so much since, so much i misunderstood, so much bullshit i believed to be true, so much i hated about myself i have since learned (am learning) to show compassion for. It’s been and will continue to be a journey, gladly. The comments i used to get were much like what you hear because in all honestly, it was taking everything good in me and for me and fucking it all up and i looked like i felt. I was angry, confused, sad, lonely, and in my case, was mostly self inflicted because i believed the lies i told myself, what others have told me throughout my life. When i learned to have compassion for the me i hated, it lifted the veil over my heart and eyes and i could finally progress towards who I’ve tried to be my entire life, honest with myself. That’s a lot, sorry it wasn’t short and sweet lol, but i hope what i shared helps.
@Someonemaybe It’s okay I appreciate the comment, I hope one day I can recover like you :(
@Fcukocd Start today, even in the smallest most seemingly unnoticeable way. Are you in of any of the support groups they have here? By the way, this post you shared, that’s another way to start. You’re showing up for yourself, looking for answers, reaching out. Keep doing that. Btw, i fucking love your name fcukocd, awesome!
@Someonemaybe I’m not, I haven’t been able to find a way to access them unfortunately, and thanks, wanted my username to reflect how I feel about OCD
@Fcukocd It does, perfectly. Wish I was as creative😁. To access the groups, go to your therapy tab, scroll down till you see support groups, then click view groups. There’s several different subjects. If you don’t see several different ones, let me know. I’m not an admin, but there’s an issue with some people’s support group views. I can reach out and try to get it corrected. If you can, join one and even just listen in. It’s so worth it! I didn’t think it would be. I pictured a bunch of people whining about their lives. Not very nice i know, and i was wrong. You don’t have to talk, but they do appreciate you having your camera on and mic muted unless there’s something you want to say or share. Let me know if you have any issues, I’ll do what i can to help any way i can.
@Someonemaybe I’ll have a look, thanks!
@Fcukocd Awesome! You’re very welcome
@Someonemaybe Hi I can’t find the support groups :(
@Fcukocd I’ll will see what i can find out for you. Do you have the latest version of the app? You can definitely ask your therapist about that in the meantime. They should be able to contact an admin on your behalf.
@Someonemaybe I don’t actually have a therapist on here because I can’t afford it, do you think that may be why I don’t see the support groups? Do u think if I had the 15 minute free consultation that the support groups would appear after that?
Actually, yes, that may be why. I think you could do the free 15 minute consult and ask, for sure. It’s you can access them after then awesome. Though i do believe you would have to be a patient. But you’ll certainly find out if you ask. There’s all kinds of resources for financial help with treatment, especially anything mental health. If you’d like, i can look up some info for you. The therapist in the consult may have some resources as well. Do check into that for sure.
@Someonemaybe I’ll try and book an appointment and see if it appears after
Awesome! And I’ll see if i can find some resources for you. That’s so good, I’m glad you’re making that appointment. Carrying ocd around without knowing what you can do about it sucks. There are things you can learn and do that will help and the therapist will be just the person to help you with that. And us as well, just not at the same level.
My symptoms are clear as day and they literally have disrupted every single thing in my life but I ask for help and they tell me to just change ,stop doing that,stop being weird,or they tell me it's in my head Im going crazy here and I don't know what to do.some one please if you have any advice id love to hear it Thank you.
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’ve lost so much weight due to this mental illness. I sleep 18 hours a day to escape these thoughts. I grieve my old self so much. I miss crushing on men, I miss loving men, I miss dressing up nice and get compliments from men, I miss listening to music and daydream about my dream man. I miss wanting to get married and have my own kids with my dream husband. All of those things… I’ve desired them so much and I’ve daydreamed about them so much. My OCD is telling me that it’s all fake. I miss my old desire and love for men. I’m so tired of being alive. I’m so tired of seeing multiple posts where people who apparently suffered from SOOCD became their fears. I’m so tired. Cause y’all probably didn’t even have ocd in the first place idc. I will say it again, has it been someone with pocd or harm ocd and their obsessions/fears became true NONE of y’all would’ve had the same reaction. Stop normalizing soocd obsessions becoming true. It is someone’s worst nightmare. People are out here attempting because of it.
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