Not normal

I feel like bc of OCD I’m not normal. To give an example of this, my mind trailed and eventually went to me potentially seeing a video of my sister giving oral to a man (long details and I don’t want to fall into confessing). But anywho that’s where my mind went and ik the correct thing is to be like “if I saw that, maybe I would like it, maybe I wouldn’t.” But REGULAR people would already be disgusted at the thought right off the bat. The fact it feels like I do like it for whatever reason shows I’m not normal.

mindfullymaddie

Date posted: Yesterday

no such thing as normal before i had ocd i still had weird thoughts to the point where id look back WITH ocd and beat myself up for them. the difference is with none ocd people their brains realise theyre just thoughts and push them out they brush for a second and never come back thats what erp intends to train the ocd brain to do i believe

Stuck@theSink

Date posted: Yesterday

I've been dealing with self criticism and feeling abnormal lately. My ocd is more contamination related, but it has been making me feel not normal lately. I feel the stigma of my ocd. I don't know if this will help, but I'm going to try to attend the self compassion support group tomorrow. I haven't gone to a support group in a couple weeks, so I could probably use it. I'm feeling in a funk and that gets annoying. I hope are able to shift your thoughts to something more relaxing for your evening.

seb111

Date posted: Yesterday

@Stuck@theSink I wonder - what is your OCD like in terms of contamination

Stuck@theSink

Date posted: 22h

@seb111 It involves a lot of things, but a lot of it is feeling dirty if I or my clothing touches something. I feel the need to quarantine that body part or clothing until I can wash it or clean it. I hate using the bathroom at work because I worry about any amount of urine splashing on my pants, whether mine or a droplet on the porcelain from the person that used the urinal before me. I don't sit on the toilet unless I'm at home and planning to get in the shower immediately after. I get grossed out about the amount of urine on the floor, under the urinal, at my work bathrooms. It makes me uncomfortable about my shoes. When I do laundry, I follow a process where I only touch the clothes with one hand, which has touched nothing else and remained clean. When I move the clothes from the washer to the dryer, I need to prevent the clothes from touching the spindal or circular opening of the washing machine, otherwise it goes back in the hamper. I was uncomfortable walking through my house for a few years, which I'm working to push back on now. To get through my living room and dining room in the past, I took large hopping steps, from one spot to another, that I convinced myself were more likely to be safe places. It was like trying to be a gymnast everytime I left my house or returned. I don't like to open my windows because my house has papers lying about that might get blown onto the dirty floor. In the summer of 2024, it was very hot in my house and the frustration of not being able make it cooler for myself made it very difficult, like beating myself up. I guess that's a quick list. I know it's different than other ocds, but it sucks, like really miserably sucks, when my mind wants to track all these things that might be dirty and any mistakes. Being in group and hearing others talk about similar challenges helps me feel normal, but struggling at times, having self criticism creep in, and times of discouragement make me feel like damaged goods.

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 11w

Urges and doing them

Was listening to the diarrhea song cuz I remember hearing it as a kid, this one guys version ended with “when she’s sitting on your face and you get a bad taste.” Anywho I had a whole thing bc of that involving different people but the main one that’s bothering me is I thought of my sister and her bf. They’re pretty edgy and I guess in general edgy people are freaky. Anywho I had the urge to imagine them while he gives her oral. And I tried to ignore it but it seemed too real and so I gave in and imagined it. And shocked, I think I liked it. Whether it’s because it’s sexual in nature so it was a general thing, or a taboo thing and that’s why I liked it BECAUSE it was gross and I shouldn’t think about it. But anyhow people say ocd can’t make you do things but I believe it still in a way made me purposely think that. Any words of advice appreciated !!

Idontknow

Date posted: 11w

18+ help me

I was on YouTube looking for saw traps I scenes and I see a saw 5 playlist and I was a bit horny because I was thinking of the guy I’m talking to and it’s like what if the playlist had inappropriate stuff on kids and I got arosal and then I got worried and went to see if there was stuff on kids there The gronial response gets intense I felt arousal because of the idea I might find content of kids there I think I’m a p how is this ocd I get worried when I open playlists or images because I’m going to think there’s inappropriate stuff and I don’t want to accidentally see it and I feel guilty afterwards I feel like I also touched my brother inappropriately I asked if I ever did anything he said no but what if he thinks it’s not wrong or he’s not telling me the truth

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 9w

Distressed 18+

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

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