trauma.

at the start of the year my ex friends got together and spammed illegal disgusting stickers on the whatsapp groupchat to annoy me, because for them i was the morally strict one and they would often make fun of me, but not to this degree...they traumatised me and they thought it was something funny. I have POCD, so you can assume what those stickers were... Since then i cut them off from my life, I wanted to take revenge, I felt an uncontrollable rage and resentment towards them. I felt like the one thing that I didn't want to happen happened. What traumatised me is that it accidentally downloaded while i tried to manually select it to delete it. that stuff got downloaded on my phone without my consent automatically. i immediately deleted it. i dont wish this stain on anybody. i feel like i committed a crime, and i feel like im incriminating myself. I was so paranoid before that something like this could happen that i turned off automatic download on whatsapp. But I fucking made the mistake to press on the sticker to manually delete it... it's heavy if i think abt the words. abt what factually happened despite me not liking it, not partecipating in it. but i feel guilty by association. i cant stand that it got downloaded on my phone. i feel this unwashable stain that is not mine, but it is still my fault for accidentally pressing on it. to download it was not my intent at all, i wanted to delete that stuff and i was in panic. I cried. I don't think i have the courage and the strenght to accept that it wasn't my fault, and to be strong and resolute over my innocence. I feel like that my technicality im a criminal.

Real Events OCD

ccheney0

Date posted: Yesterday

I think a detective would be more interested to know why your ex friends had all those stickers. That was really mean and immature of them but I think you're fine. I can't reassure you much more than that other to remind you that people accidentally click on suspicious material all the time and people factor that in before judginf. Glad you cut those meanies out.

ivefailed.

Date posted: 16h

thank you. a significant part of my soul was stained because of them.

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m really sorry that happened to you. This must be so incredibly difficult to process.

ivefailed.

Date posted: Yesterday

am i guilty though? i struggle to process that too. i feel stained and like a criminal by technicality.

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@ivefailed. Unfortunately, I can’t give you the certainty your OCD is seeking. It is best to just say “maybe, maybe not”

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and horrible real events

I think these are the worst real events ive ever done... and Im so triggered because the last thing I want is to be a a P or a MAP... im triggered because I dont want the people ive become friends with on NOCD to block me because they think im a P or a MAP... thats the last thing I want... When I was 18, i unknowingly consumed l*licon a couple times... I didnt know what the term was at the time... I thought that since it was on a public site, and it had millions of views, that i thought it was safe to consume... when I did my research when I was 19 onto what exactly the term was... I was horrified and mortified... I puked and gagged and felt numb for days... it's been 5 years since then... im 23... and the last thing I want is to ever be exposed to this kind of content ever again... let alone consume it... I should've been more knowledgeable and it's my fault... my pocd and real events ocd call me a P and a MAP when these are the LAST things i want to be... I know what I did was wrong and I regret it immensely till this day... and im so overwhelmed...

str4berrycoo...

Date posted: 12w

stupid things i did when i was an older teenager

since one of my biggest fears/events of my reocd happened (not the way i thought it would happen!) i've been healing and understanding a lot of things (like the fact i was the one being abused in my old relationship) but thanks to that my ocd has been trying to launch on a new event and i don't know. i was in a cut and off relationship with my ex three years ago, this happened when i was an older teenager and really confused. during the time i cut off momentary with him i started to get compliments and cute messages in an anonymous confession page and used to post them replying in a playful way or just with genuine curiousity. the thing is, i got with my ex once again in secret for the last time but honestly i'm realizing lately that i didn't love him anymore and being with him made me feel terrible but i wasn't strong enough to leave him once for all. i didn't tell any of my friends about this because they hated him (for a good reason) and i was also disappointed on myself for this. he pushed me a lot make it public and i would say to him a lot of times that i wasn't sure. the thing is, that i still got that type of messages on that anonymous confession page and still publish them on my profile while being with my ex in secret, but eventually i stopped doing that. then i finally left my ex (was horrible). but since what happened to me, i cant stop thinking if that was cheating – it was cheating? i'm not sure anymore and i feel like im going to have a relapse.

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 10w

Distressed 18+

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

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