Not doing well

Recent politics and the people around me only talking about it is really messing me up. Everything is making me feel like a shit human and my ocd is extremely exasperated by this and my period is not helping it. I haven’t had my needed birth control for now 4 months and my PMDD and pain is back in full force. I’m having an absolutely terrible week to the point where I just really want to be left alone but people keep asking me to do things, hang out, play games, I just want to be left alone. I know I’m avoiding people but at the same time it feels necessary for me to make it through this week right now. I hate having ocd and I hate my period

Zoey02

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

I know the feeling. You’re definitely not alone right now in feeling that way. I have also been struggling with everything going on. ❤️

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 16h

Your feelings are completely understandable. Question: when you do hang out or play games, do you feel good afterwards, or miserable and drained? If you feel good, but you just dread looking forward to it, you might want to force yourself to be social—even if it’s hard. Interacting with other people can sometimes keep us from spiraling as much. If you feel drained and miserable tho, it may be your brain and body telling you that you need a break. Alone time is ok.

buggyladyxo

Date posted: 16h

@24ozpersephonenoice Thank you so much for asking this! Very helpful! I’m a huge introvert, while I do love hanging out with my friends and sometimes it’s super helpful, my social bar drains incredibly quickly. Especially when I am struggling. I have been made fun of/poked at in the past because of my energy levels from the same friends. Lots of them have larger social bars despite some of them also being introverted. They are different now and a bit more understanding but the hurt I feel from that statement that pops up in my mind a lot forces me to push myself and do “too much.” I think I overthink it a bit because I’m also autistic and want to prevent further burnout. Its a tricky line to lead

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 15h

@buggyladyxo This is great information! I would say to force yourself to be a tiny bit social to keep yourself from feeding the darkness that comes with PMDD. That being said, *there’s no need to push yourself more than you’re comfortable with.* I have a short social battery too, so today I got together with a friend for 20 minutes just to catch up and eat kolaches together. Perfect amount of time imo. Staying for just 1 round of uno is ok. It’s ok to go hang out and say, “I have to be somewhere in 15 min, but I wanted to spend some time with you guys.” If you need some time to rest and recharge tho, give yourself that grace. I just know that I was not looking forward to seeing my friend this morning, but I feel a lot less caught up in my own head now that I saw here. Caveat: I am not autistic, so if things work completely different for you, feel free to disregard what I said! You know yourself and your limits.

buggyladyxo

Date posted: 11h

@24ozpersephonenoice Thats sooo lovely that you are able to do that! I think I may need to talk to my friends about shorter hangs. They tend to like super all day hangs or else they feel like it’s not worth it but it would be really helpful to me! Sometimes just a quick hi and bye is all I need! Thank you so much for this. I, of course, know some of my limits so like today, I wont push myself but for the days I’m feeling a bit better, I will :)

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 7h

@buggyladyxo That’s great :) I’m sure your friends will understand :)

BigGyro09

Date posted: 24w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Aprilshowers...

Date posted: 21w

My OCD

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

Sierra-117

Date posted: 14w

I f$cking hate this now

I have no idea to what extent the new medication I am on is affecting me positively or negatively. The past two days and Monday have been awful. I feel close to walking around in a daze in the mornings. For whatever reason Tuesday was actually like a 3 on a 5 star scale whereas average had been below 2.5. I know the OCD is pissed off but it’s so bad and interfering with my life so much. It just hammers at me basically nonstop. I know I can watch YouTube and read books/comics and sometimes play with Legos but exercise, video games, consistency, feeling like I have a choice when I want to do these things is so difficult. I’m starting to lash out with anger at things and am going back down the path of self harm and suicidal thoughts. I just despise all of these thoughts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

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