MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Please reply. I am embarrassed to share this. I dont watch porn AT ALL anymore and never will again but I keep getting intrusive images of porn scenes I saw on pornsites from a long time ago. Especially weird things, like I remember I once stumbled across porn that had a old man in it. Porn has lots of weird categories. I keep feeling bad and guilty for ever watching porn in the first place but I'm trying to remember a lot of people have watched porn/do watch it without feeling the shame I feel now, over a year after stopping watching it. My OCD is fixating on this to the point where it's making me want to throw up. I have real event/moral ocd and my ocd really tries to make me feel bad about these memories from a long time ago.

macmiller

Date posted: 5y

remember that you cant change the things of the past. I know its difficult but remember that your ocd does not define you and that you are not a bad person. You are stronger than your ocd!!!

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I wish I could go back to 13-15 and have never found porn. I watched it for a few years regularly 17-19 and I feel so ashamed, more so because I rarely hear about females watching porn. I feel like I am a horrible person for it. I dont agree with porn, I dont like porn at all and I think all those categorys on those websites are horrible but when I was younger I did what I'm sure many young teenagers do out of curiosity which is just click away. I'm disgusted now. My OCD latches onto this heavily and I feel so much disgust. Im almost 22 now, I will never watch it again but randomly I will get hit with a weird memory like this and feel SO much shame. I can only blame myself because if I had never watched porn in the first place, my ocd wouldn't have these things to latch on to. It would latch onto something else :(

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

Hey , I think it would be good to look at it this way ... if you didn’t watch porn at that age , you probably would have seen it or started watching it eventually ! Either if a friend showed it to you , a weird link popped up , or you were just curious. And I know it may not seem like it now , but it doesn’t define you at all. Curiosity is strong and sometimes we like to look at those things because we’d rather have certainty over what’s going on in them and what they’re all about then uncertainty. Sometimes it can be used to show you what you don’t like , and can be helpful so you know what you don’t want to do in relationships later on in life and just so you know what sex is NOT. This may not mean much but it really does not define you. You watched it and that’s totally okay. Even if it did define you before , the past has no connection to the present unless you let it. People grow into totally different people all the time :)

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Thankyou, I guess you're right. In this day and age we all do stumble across porn websites one time or another, and there is so much on those porn websites we come across all sorts of things and that seems to be the nature of those websites. I keep trying to tell myself that I was young, I wouldn't go onto adult sites now at all and when I was young I was just being curious like most people are. It meant I came across some weird things on those pornsites that I didnt like but that isnt my fault, I didnt put them there, I did what any normal person on a pornsite does and clicked around. Things are always suggested on those sites, it's a weird place. I wish the OCD would stop blaming me for watching porn. I feel so much shame and disgust. I do not like porn at all now, or how available it is. I have blocks on my phone to makesure I dont come across any adult sites or anything by accident. I still wish I'd never come across it at all so OCD had nothing to torture me with.

cnv

Date posted: 5y

Look, I had been watching porn since about 6 to 15, on and off, but at one moment, it became addictive. I watched straight, lesbian, gay, threesomes, orgies(which for some weird reason I liked) , female masturbation, hentai etc. When I was about 13, I wanted to learn how to masturbate properly, so I watched masturbation videos, which turned me on. Ever since, I had been watching only those, untill I got sexual intrusive thoughts regarding my sexuality. And now, I use this past of mine to prove that I have an attraction towards women. What do you think about that?

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I wont give you reassurance, but I also found porn extremely young on the internet (unfortunately) too, and the first category I found was lesbian porn when I was 13 on YouTube out of all places. Even with this, it doesn't change the fact that I know I am straight and attracted to men. I know you're struggling but it will be okay x

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd So it's normal to be turned on by those kinds of porn even as a straight woman?

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@hateocd123 Yes definitely, but I'm afraid I'm reassuring you and I shouldn't do that x

goyate

Date posted: 5y

Many people have watched some sort of porn, whether it's looking through a porn magazine or through the internet and also DVDs from long ago..... don't be so hard on yourself......your not watching it now....some people always watch porn throughout their lives, whilst others watch it once and never again

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Thankyou, I appreciate it. I feel so much shame when a random weird memory hits me like this. I don't like porn at all, especially now with the internet there is so much crap on these websites for young people to randomly come across. It really affects me and I feel that I'm now paying a price (OCD torturing me and telling me I'm a bad person) for watching porn in the past because if I hadn't then OCD would not have this subject matter to latch onto. Its It's such a shameful topic that I can even share it with others so I'm stuck ruminating alone most of the time.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd I cant*

BelieveInYou...

Date posted: 5y

It's okay. You have got yourself into something that you don't want. It's okay, kindly let it go now. We learn from our mistakes and rebuild ourselves. You're already accepting that you don't want that. Everything must not happen the way they seem as for now :-).

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I dont watch porn at all and havent for a long time, I think over a year and I never will again. I wish I never had, I am trying to accept I was young and curious about sex when I found porn websites and a lot of people go through that phase in life. Porn websites are weird places. I just feel so much shame at any memories I have of being on them once upon a time. I would love to know how to let the memory go because my OCD has latched onto them and keeps making me feel shame for ever viewing porn when in reality a lot of the world does and they're not bad people, they're just normal people, even good people.

Kuch

Date posted: 5y

Maybe you are just turned on by your own body?

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Thinking u did something u not sure if u did

Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Real event false memory ruining enjoyment guilt

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.

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