MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Please reply. I am embarrassed to share this. I dont watch porn AT ALL anymore and never will again but I keep getting intrusive images of porn scenes I saw on pornsites from a long time ago. Especially weird things, like I remember I once stumbled across porn that had a old man in it. Porn has lots of weird categories. I keep feeling bad and guilty for ever watching porn in the first place but I'm trying to remember a lot of people have watched porn/do watch it without feeling the shame I feel now, over a year after stopping watching it. My OCD is fixating on this to the point where it's making me want to throw up. I have real event/moral ocd and my ocd really tries to make me feel bad about these memories from a long time ago.

macmiller

Date posted: 5y

remember that you cant change the things of the past. I know its difficult but remember that your ocd does not define you and that you are not a bad person. You are stronger than your ocd!!!

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I wish I could go back to 13-15 and have never found porn. I watched it for a few years regularly 17-19 and I feel so ashamed, more so because I rarely hear about females watching porn. I feel like I am a horrible person for it. I dont agree with porn, I dont like porn at all and I think all those categorys on those websites are horrible but when I was younger I did what I'm sure many young teenagers do out of curiosity which is just click away. I'm disgusted now. My OCD latches onto this heavily and I feel so much disgust. Im almost 22 now, I will never watch it again but randomly I will get hit with a weird memory like this and feel SO much shame. I can only blame myself because if I had never watched porn in the first place, my ocd wouldn't have these things to latch on to. It would latch onto something else :(

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5y

Hey , I think it would be good to look at it this way ... if you didn’t watch porn at that age , you probably would have seen it or started watching it eventually ! Either if a friend showed it to you , a weird link popped up , or you were just curious. And I know it may not seem like it now , but it doesn’t define you at all. Curiosity is strong and sometimes we like to look at those things because we’d rather have certainty over what’s going on in them and what they’re all about then uncertainty. Sometimes it can be used to show you what you don’t like , and can be helpful so you know what you don’t want to do in relationships later on in life and just so you know what sex is NOT. This may not mean much but it really does not define you. You watched it and that’s totally okay. Even if it did define you before , the past has no connection to the present unless you let it. People grow into totally different people all the time :)

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Thankyou, I guess you're right. In this day and age we all do stumble across porn websites one time or another, and there is so much on those porn websites we come across all sorts of things and that seems to be the nature of those websites. I keep trying to tell myself that I was young, I wouldn't go onto adult sites now at all and when I was young I was just being curious like most people are. It meant I came across some weird things on those pornsites that I didnt like but that isnt my fault, I didnt put them there, I did what any normal person on a pornsite does and clicked around. Things are always suggested on those sites, it's a weird place. I wish the OCD would stop blaming me for watching porn. I feel so much shame and disgust. I do not like porn at all now, or how available it is. I have blocks on my phone to makesure I dont come across any adult sites or anything by accident. I still wish I'd never come across it at all so OCD had nothing to torture me with.

cnv

Date posted: 5y

Look, I had been watching porn since about 6 to 15, on and off, but at one moment, it became addictive. I watched straight, lesbian, gay, threesomes, orgies(which for some weird reason I liked) , female masturbation, hentai etc. When I was about 13, I wanted to learn how to masturbate properly, so I watched masturbation videos, which turned me on. Ever since, I had been watching only those, untill I got sexual intrusive thoughts regarding my sexuality. And now, I use this past of mine to prove that I have an attraction towards women. What do you think about that?

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I wont give you reassurance, but I also found porn extremely young on the internet (unfortunately) too, and the first category I found was lesbian porn when I was 13 on YouTube out of all places. Even with this, it doesn't change the fact that I know I am straight and attracted to men. I know you're struggling but it will be okay x

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd So it's normal to be turned on by those kinds of porn even as a straight woman?

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@hateocd123 Yes definitely, but I'm afraid I'm reassuring you and I shouldn't do that x

goyate

Date posted: 5y

Many people have watched some sort of porn, whether it's looking through a porn magazine or through the internet and also DVDs from long ago..... don't be so hard on yourself......your not watching it now....some people always watch porn throughout their lives, whilst others watch it once and never again

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Thankyou, I appreciate it. I feel so much shame when a random weird memory hits me like this. I don't like porn at all, especially now with the internet there is so much crap on these websites for young people to randomly come across. It really affects me and I feel that I'm now paying a price (OCD torturing me and telling me I'm a bad person) for watching porn in the past because if I hadn't then OCD would not have this subject matter to latch onto. Its It's such a shameful topic that I can even share it with others so I'm stuck ruminating alone most of the time.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd I cant*

BelieveInYou...

Date posted: 5y

It's okay. You have got yourself into something that you don't want. It's okay, kindly let it go now. We learn from our mistakes and rebuild ourselves. You're already accepting that you don't want that. Everything must not happen the way they seem as for now :-).

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I dont watch porn at all and havent for a long time, I think over a year and I never will again. I wish I never had, I am trying to accept I was young and curious about sex when I found porn websites and a lot of people go through that phase in life. Porn websites are weird places. I just feel so much shame at any memories I have of being on them once upon a time. I would love to know how to let the memory go because my OCD has latched onto them and keeps making me feel shame for ever viewing porn when in reality a lot of the world does and they're not bad people, they're just normal people, even good people.

Kuch

Date posted: 5y

Maybe you are just turned on by your own body?

SunnyAnon

Date posted: 23w

dealing with OCD flashbacks 18+

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

ughhhh

Date posted: 23w

I feel gross interacting with adult content.

18+ people with this thread please. I just want some advice from people who have experienced this. Its been almost 2 years since my real event and i can confidently say that i feel a bit better about that and my thoughts. (We still have bad moments but we recover.) but, ever since then and before, i feel nasty and gross whenever i engage or interact with adult content. Like this nasty guilt or feeling like i cant interact with it because then my ocd says “this proves that your thoughts are true and your perverse” and after i always feel empty and disgusting. Besides things like that, i read adult fan fiction sometimes or even write stories for my original characters. And yesterday i shared these stories with a close in person friend of mine. (Were both in college) and they were fine about it we laughed about it but then after i felt guilty-my brain was telling me “you traumatized her she just doesn’t wanna tell you” obliviously this isn’t true but im having a hard time believing it and this morning i woke up with a deep dread that i hurt a friend and im horrible. I can say that they’re more positive about these things then me and i think thats why we got into the conversation and i felt comfortable to share these stories but i just can’t get over it. I have a strong urge to ask for reassurance but i know it wont help. I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Ive spoken to my therapist about this guilt with adult content and we have yet to expand on it especially how it goes hand in hand with my asexuality. My therapist tells me its human to feel things like this and its ok to perform self care like that and again-im a human person its usually normal for 19 year olds to be like this especially for someone my age but i dont feel normal. I feel nasty. Does anyone else feel this way? How did you confront this guilt and how did you feel comfortable again interacting with these feelings and actions again? I dont really have a desire to do s*xual things often (im on the asexual spectrum) but when i do i dont want to feel like this. Especially when my ocd types effect it. Advice is needed and appreciated thank you for your help.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

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