Anyone want to give me relationship advice ? because HOCD and ROCD are preventing me from thinking logically right now.

Hey! So basically, for the past 4 days I feel like I'm lying to my bf. I seem to find it hard to think of a future with him right now. I know I want a future with him, I only want him. But it's so hard to think of it and I feel like I'm "supposed" to be with a woman :( idk what to do. I cry all the time because my head tells me I'm leading him on and wasting my time and his. I've been feeling numb and my head tells me "it's because you see him as a friend". I'm just so lost. I don't know what to do and what's real and what's not. My attraction to guys is pretty much 30%, not 0% anymore. It's slowly coming back but i just feel hopeless. And don't feel anxiety as much. It's just the thoughts and it feels like i want it but idk if it's part of the recovery process. I'm sexually and romantically attracted to him but my head tells me I'm lying and that I'm forcing it. I've been so sad because it just feels like I'm being selfish keeping him around.. He's the most important thing that's ever happened in my life so idk if this is just OCD or if we're just not meant to be ?

Is it normal to not always miss them or feel "in love"? I just feel disconnected and he's my first serious relationship (approaching 3 years). I fear so much in the future that I feel like I'm better off alone because I ruin everything

@NocturnalGyal First I want to say is, it’s okay! You’re obviously aware that this is all just your ocd! Second, because of where you are mentally. Don’t push yourself to think about the future. It never helps us, never ever. Thinking of my future is literally why I got my first ocd theme, with thinking my bf would murder me in THE FUTURE. You see, We don’t know the future and Ik that scares you and a lot of us. But try to live with the uncertainty, if you want a future with him, than you will. Third, I relate to everything you just said!!!! Literally every single thing has happened to me. It’s so scary because my boyfriend loves me so much, even more than I love him. And then I think about these things and I feel guilt and I hate it. I just want to be in love with him back. But seriously, don’t think about the future just go with the flow and what with you want to do. Not what ocd is telling you to do or what tou think it wants you do do. Hope this helped a bit! :)

@NocturnalGyal And yes. I think it’s normal. I hope it is, I deal with the same thing.

@advice? Thank you so much ?? I just cried and I feel a bit better :) it's such a tough journey to get through this all. I think about the future because I use it as a compulsion :/ my brain is always throwing me scenarios with spending my life with women and then I think of the future with my bf and I feel better but recently it hasn't been working ??so it's been worrying me and then plus I don't get as much anxiety as before so I use that as proof but I'm hoping that this is all part of recovery ? I'm trying my best not to argue with the thoughts and feelings. Bless my boyfriend's heart, he's been so patient with me and I always confess nonsense to him because I feel guilty? I know I love my boyfriend but it doesn't feel like it right now? I know I love him it's just my emotions and thoughts are a hot mess!!!! I hope we can get through this and live the lives we want ? just gonna take lot of work. Goodluck to you too!!!

@NocturnalGyal It is your OCD. My OCD has always convinced me I can’t be with guys because I am unattractive, now it’s convincing me I can’t be with guys because I am a lesbian. I want a boyfriend so badly and it always attacks what is most dear to you. If you love your boyfriend, it will attack that love because it brings you happiness and moves you away from the obsessions. Don’t let it win!

@poprocks1 I'm really pushing through this storm. Everything feels so real and I'm trusting the process but damn... OCD is so cruel and convincing. I've had this for too damn long to give into the ruminating anymore ? it's only made me worse. Thank you!

Same I so sad cause of hicd

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years..

@NocturnalGyal Well.....

@NocturnalGyal See a ocd therapist

@Peridottttt She wants to be with her boyfriend, but many people with a significant other are more likely to develop ROCD and if usually converts into HOCD.

@advice? Alright...then I highly suggest to see a ocd therapist and do erp