I'm under so much pressure. I need a job. I've been out of work now for a year and I was looking before OCD hit me really badly, with no success. Hocd/rocd became completely debilitating for about 4 months, I wasn't able to do anything although I did still hang out with my boyfriend which I'm sure makes me look really bad. I didn't want him to think I was doing as badly as I was so I forced myself to do things with him. Of course I definitely wanted to see him, but in the beginning everytime I saw him I'd internally flip out with panic. He knows about my ocd, but I've shared only what I want to sparing the details as not to make him insecure. Things are good enough now where I've started applying places again, yet I've gotten no responses. I really feel like I'm taking advantage of everyone at this point because my dad gives me money all the time and my boyfriend pays for dinners and lunches ect often. I hate it. I really hate myself right now, but I'm trying my hardest to dig myself out of this hole so I can breathe again. I got an application for a job that I'm really interested in, but transportation is an issue. I'm also scared I would be able to do the job, but the manager said that if I'm interested they would train me for the position since I have no experience. I can't do math and the job requires talking to people and doing some basic math. It's a career type job that I could have for the rest of my life if I wanted. The issue is I can't drive and the bus here is always late. The bus stop at night is kind of terrifying and there are really scary people there. Last time I went on the bus and old guy started harassing me and was trying to get me to go to lunch with him. Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get it off my chest. I feel so guilty.

deemajical

Date posted: 5y

Sorry to hear this! Sounds like you’re going through something tough! It’s hard for people to understand what it’s like for us ocd sufferers once we actually start to feel a bit better... while we were suffering it’s like our world is on pause, then you are left to pick up and put things back together... does your boyfriend/ family understand how difficult this time is for you? Maybe if you open up to them they might be more sympathetic then you think? Also, does your city have Uber or Lyft? Instead of taking the bus you could use one of those services... my sister ubers to her job everyday because her apartment is in a bit of a sketchy neighborhood.... wishing you all the best!

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

My boyfriend knows that I have issues, but I try my hardest to hide my outward compulsion and meltdowns from him. At home my parents have to deal with it full on and its tearing everything apart. My mom is under so much stress that she tried to walk out. She ended up coming back and apologizing, but I get it honestly. My boyfriend doesn't know specifically about my hocd, but he knows about all of my past obsessions.

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

Wouldn't be able to*

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

And thanks for the uber idea, that should solve that issue!

deemajical

Date posted: 5y

Okay I see... are you in therapy??? Are you doing ERP?? Or have you ?? Both are solid ways to really help you overcome ...

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

I'm in therapy but my therapist is shite. He's not familiar with ERP. I can't afford anyone else at the moment, but after I find work I'll definitely get an OCD specialist. I've been trying to do ERP by myself and also working on acceptance. At first it was extremely difficult, but its actually really helped. I've been feeling more myself bit by bit.

deemajical

Date posted: 5y

That’s good to hear! I had my therapist sort of guiding me along (luckily she also had ocd so she understood) there’s nothing worse then therapist who don’t understand exposure therapy. I pretty much did my erp on my own. Glad to hear your doing it and doing well that’s really great! Maybe being more open with your boyfriend could help? But I mean you know your relationship best ... good luck I hope you get amazing treatment when you are able to! And you are not alone! Xx

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