ROCD

@GraciousStandoff Yeah. It’s pretty clear my partner is in my heart. The other example that bothers me is when it seems like I would choose this other person to be with over my partner if they were still in town. It makes me sick too

@Mk3 I had this recently. I thought something similar. But you know what, I never acted on it. I actually fought back against the thought. Because what's in your head is meaningless. I love my girlfriend with all my heart, not my mind. Let's put it like this. Imagine you have 2 doors, 1 leads to a big room, massive, this is your brain. The other door leads to a small room, this is your heart. Now, your brain has all the room you could possibly want, it has comfy sofas, a TV, loads of neutral decorations, and it's full of everyone, your partner, family, people you knew, maybe even your ex. But the other room, your heart, it's covered to the roof in love letters, hearts, and what means the most to you. That room has one person in it. It's a bad analogy, but a truthful one.

@GraciousStandoff Wow thanks for sharing that with me!!! It essentially is saying that there’s a clear difference between the two. Love that. I hope it’s my partner in the heart room. If you could even explain further how this could apply for me I’d love it! And I could hope for myself I would never act on this either. Scares me And then I also always worry I need to confess and ask my partner if these things would be acceptable and make sure he wouldn’t leave me. Like liking someone else or wanting to choose someone else if that makes sense. But I know confessing is NOT the right thing to do.

@Mk3 There’s a difference between confessing because you’ve caused harm (actual cheating) and confessing because you think you’ve caused harm (OCD). My girlfriend understands that I have intrusive thoughts, impulsivities and in the past found other people attractive and she does not care, because she does the exact same, she just doesn’t have OCD punishing her for it because it’s incredibly normal. In the same way I might think, Sydney Sweeney, or even someone I used to know is attractive, that’s incredibly human and you’ve got to think, your partner is probably thinking the same. If your partner came up to you, and told you everything in their head, You’d probably think “you didn’t need to tell me, gosh” and you might be hurt, but you’ll also think “tbh, I do the same”. What matters are your actions. Are you there for your partner? Do you love them? Do you act on thoughts (I don’t mean privately or whatever) but do you go out and act with other people? If the answer is no, then you’re doing no harm. Instead of thinking, “I’ve cheated” or “It’s wrong”, change it to “I have a thought that I’ve cheated, but I haven’t.”

@GraciousStandoff Thank you for this. I haven’t straight up told my partner I am attracted to other people at times- but I don’t think it’s necessary at least I’d hope not. My OCD wants me to confess and it’s best if I avoid mentioning anything at all surrounding these topics I struggle with. My partner is aware that I struggle with OCD though and is very supportive! I would say I always do my best to be the best partner which includes not acting with other people. Sometimes I freak out that I’ve flirted but I’ve gotten over that fear. I always do my best to be great for my partner. It’s hard because my ROCD makes even the littlest “action” into a huge deal. Like eye contact and stuff like that. But as for physical cheating. No. So I don’t think there’s anything to confess.

@Mk3 You have nothing to confess. There is nothing that you’ve done, that I promise you, your partner hasn’t done themselves. Found someone else attractive? I promise you, they have, everyday. Had fantasies? Probably. Flirted? Maybe. There’s nothing you’ve done, that your partner hasn’t. There’s nothing you could tell your partner that they haven’t done themselves. You said you haven’t acted on anything so far, good, that’s all that matters. You might very well be worried that you might cheat and that’s an understandable worry, but you can’t see into the future, you can’t change the past what matters is the now and based on everything, you haven’t cheated. But, you need to work on your ROCD, I have it too, I know how hard it gets. I tell my partner everything and despite it all, she loves me. When my ROCD gets bad, I write her a love letter. That way, I’m not confessing, or fighting my OCD, I’m actively getting my true feelings out and to her. It really helps ground me and reminds me of who I’m with, that my love is all hers. A text means nothing, but a love letter, that shows effort.

@GraciousStandoff Yeah it’s mostly I worry that I would choose someone else and it seems like I would or want to it’s terrifying. Or that I like someone else. But yeah I’m also paranoid that I’ve done wrong and crossed the line and all that stuff. I do not confess ANYTHING to my partner because i know it’s not good for our relationship! It’s not the loving thing to do. Amongst all this worry sometimes I think my partner looks “ugly” and that thought makes me feel so guilty but I’m actively working on it. My ROCD loves this one, lol. Terrible. The love letter is great. Reminds us of the real reasons we are with our partner. Instead of confessing all the shiz that’s in the mind.

@Mk3 I’ve told my girlfriend that I used to find other people attractive, or that I used to have private moments thinking about other people, I don’t as much now because I just can’t. She did not care. Do you want to know when you’ve crossed the line? When it’s in person, you’ve actively sought out someone else. You haven’t. So what if you like someone else? So what if you had a fleeting thought? Or thought “I’d like them to be my bf” did you act on it? No. Why? Because you love your boyfriend. As a matter of fact, you’re still here. Worried. That speaks to your character. Do me a favour. Stop using this app. Stop it, write a love letter for your partner, get out all your truth. Tell them you worry, tell them how much he means to you, tell them how you only love him and want them. Write from the heart. Ground yourself, give them the letter, a lil smoochy smooch, and then, once you’ve done that. Come back. Let me know how it goes.

@GraciousStandoff But getting out all my truth…. I don’t want to confess any of this And I don’t actively seek out others but I have enjoyed going to places where I know this person I am kind of attracted to is but I don’t think I would ever cross the line And ofc my OCD is always worried and fearful I might love or want someone else I hate this crap

@Mk3 This isn’t your truth. This, this is ocd. Your truth is how you feel, your love, your heart. Tell them your worries “My mind is beating me up, doing its best to get to me, but the one thing I know is I’ll fight it everyday for you” I said that to my gf, something like that. Made it really poetic. It’s not confession. It’s truth.

@GraciousStandoff Yes it’s just so hard when my ROCD involves feelings and such. It’s such a struggle. Like feeling like I like someone else or seeming like I’d choose someone else or thinking my partner looks ugly or whatever it’s always a struggle. But I won’t confess or say any of this ocd crap in my letter. I doubt everything and maybe I have sought out others but I would never ever cheat on the person I love

@Mk3 You’re circling. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but what you’re doing isn’t helpful. Trust me, go write tour partner a love letter. And be honest about your love. Not your OcD, I’m sure you’ll feel better. But you gotta stop circling. Everything you just said, you’ve said before and the outcome is the same each time.

@GraciousStandoff I know I tend to do that. Idk what that outcome is though that’s still blurry to me That’s great you can tell your partner everything! I think for me i simply cannot confess for the sake of both of us!! :)

@GraciousStandoff I just hope it’s ok I don’t confess everything to my partner

@GraciousStandoff @GraciousStandoff I appreciate all the advice you’ve given me! I’m just so scared especially since I technically have sought out another person b4.

@Mk3 If you have, in person, then that is something you must confess as it was harmful to the relationship.