Please help very urgent

Since i was 16 (18 now) it all started with pocd related intrusive thoughts I would have panic attacks in my closet almost every single day sat there all day every day just having horrible horrible gut wrenching anxiety all day long. I would have a thought and tell myself if were to ever harm like that that i would end my life and I would repeat it in mt head every time a thought came up. I started looking up what I was experiencing and it said something about pocd. It went from pocd to monitoring my every breath and movement for a fear I was breathing too much and people would think I was strange for breathing so heavily and it even happened when I was alone. I even hyper monitored my walking because i though people though I walked strange. It then became something that I think might be something called staring ocd. Where im afraid to look down because im afraid someone will see it as inappropriate and think Im weird. I still monitor where my eyes go 24/7 and im very hyper aware when im around people. Idk if this is a symptom or if I really am just strange but random thoughts like weird sentences about someone would just pop up and Im usually pretty harsh to myself when even the slightest sexual thought pops up now. Idk if its just a dirty mind but its images in my head, thoughts, words, sentences. I dont like them I want them gone completely if i could shut my thoughts off entirley I would. Recently I feel like I may be going through something called exstistencial ocd. A week or so back. I began looking into philosophy because it sounded interesting and that then lead into spirituality and then somehow it got into how the government was controlling us all and the free masons own everything. for about a week I was afraid the government was always watching me at night and sometimes I would get extremely paranoid. Idk what to do how to get help if I even have it. Also idk if this is a symptom of real event but if I perceive that someone thinks something I said is weird or awkward I beat myself up over it for sometimes days. Ive become extremely quiet because im afraid if I try to make a joke or say something that I will accidentally say something socially wrong or inappropriate. Im scared im miserable please help. What do I do. Does it sound like I have it?

Kxtie

Date posted: 6h

I'm sorry you're so scared and miserable. This sounds very OCD. From your post it sounds like you don't have a diagnosis? Have you looked into therapy? Therapy can really help with all the thoughts. Whether or not you end up going with therapy the way through this is to let the thoughts pass. I know this is way easier said than done, but when you have those thoughts, (about pocd or sexual thoughts or existential), just let them pass. Maybe try to think, " Maybe I am a bad person, maybe I'm not, I'll never know for sure." Or, "Maybe I did say something socially wrong, maybe I didn't." Don't try to get to "get them gone", the more you interact with intrusive thoughts the more they come back. Also, something that's good to know about intrusive thoughts is they're ego-dystonic, meaning they go against your values. The fact that you're getting so distressed means this goes against what you believe in. Also, getting the intense fear, anxiety, panic, distress is a sign of OCD. Thoughts are just thoughts. Just because you think something doesn't mean you're a bad person or have a dirty mind. Sorry about the long response, but I wanted to share any help that I could. I'm sorry you feel so afraid right now, but you can do this. I know it feels really hard and maybe even impossible. But you CAN get through this. You're not a bad person, and you're not alone. You got this! ❤️

peterbaloney

Date posted: 5h

You have no idea how much this means to me thank you. Its been so incredibly hard for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Imsexybutimi...

Date posted: 15w

Do I have ocd

Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help

pollydol

Date posted: 15w

I kill people with my mind

I don't know what this is, I don't know enough about OCD, my psychiatrist put me on a medication and told me I have OCD and a mood disorder but I didn't ask any questions because I didn't want to be annoying. I have "evidence" that every year, when I think about death, the world kills someone I love, and it always happens twice. I have nothing to help change that, like, I don't do anything with my thoughts or anything numbers or ritually, so I wasn't sure if it even was OCD, but I do move my hands in certain ways to make my friends happy or improve their lives. Also I cant turn off my fan or something SA related will happen (i dont know how) I think that the world is threatening me, and that if I do something wrong or involve myself with certain things, the world will punish me and the people around me, so all I can do is apologize I've tried looking into the different types of OCD, and all of them are things that I've been anxious about before, but I haven't really been so anxious about any one of them in particular or held onto it for so long, or done any rituals, that I would probably not even say I have OCD. Like, I worry that I'm a nazi, I worry that I like kids, I worry that I killed my friend, I worry that I have schizophrenia or am somehow giving myself it, I worry that I'm going to abuse someone, I worry that I've already abused someone, I worry that somehow I might die, I worry people can hear my thoughts, I worry about ignoring my friend when he cried out for help, I worry that God has already rejected me from heaven, I worry that I like women, I worry that if I don't hit the hammer 9 times on the wall when Im using it that just something bad will happen that I dont know what and I don't know why, and I feel like I don't have a single compulsion that can even "fix" or bring relief to any of these things besides saying sorry, because if I say sorry at least people know that I am apologetic for the crimes I've committed, but saying sorry doesn't fix anything except my own guilt so I'm just a bad person looking for sympathy or seeking attention I don't know enough about OCD, and I don't know how to seek help for my condition because I don't even know if that's really what I have, if I'm not just simply anxious, or possibly schizophrenic Does any of this seem familiar to anyone? Can it be this varied and unfocused? Does this really sound like OCD, or can it be anything else, because I don't want to bark up the wrong tree when I could just be taking medication for something else.

FallenSun

Date posted: 10w

uhh do i have ocd-

So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.

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