Seeking some reassurance

Hey all this is my first post so i’m kind of nervous. I’d like to hear feedback from outside sources and people not directly in my life who might be biased. I am not sure if this is an OCD thing or maybe just an anxiety thing but I would love some advice. I am a night owl and the rest of my family is not. I’m an adult who still lives with my parents since i’m saving money to move out. Every night I stay up until around 12:30 in our living room to relax and wind down with a quiet house (like my own me-time) and then go to bed. My parent’s room is right off the living room and they close their door while I’m awake so they can sleep. They told me not to be up past midnight since their room gets “too stuffy” with the door closed. I haven’t been doing well with midnight but try my best to shut everything off by 12:30 at the latest. They got mad that I don’t listen and now say I am not allowed in the living room after they go to bed. So when they go to bed I have to confine myself to my bedroom. I like my routines and thinking about trying to wind down (by reading or crocheting) in my bed feels wrong because my bed is “for sleeping” only. I feel like I don’t have a comforting safe place to relax before bed now and when I have tried to explain that to them they don’t care and say i’m disrespecting them. I’m curious what you might think about the situation and would appreciate feedback, regardless if i’m in the wrong or not. It makes me wish I didn’t live here but I don’t really have anywhere else to go.

I’m 21. The 3 year anniversary of my graduation from high school is soon. Lately, I’ve been worried about where I’m going in life and if it’s even worth it because I don’t know why I exist or what my purpose is After graduating I lost a new job I loved due to poor management on my boss’s side, they failed to teach me my job then fired me for it, and moved from my mom’s house into my dads house due to issues with my stepdad, both of which put me into a depression. I got a new job 3 months later. But ever since being fired and moving out, I feel like I’ve been in a depressive cycle of Eat, Sleep, Work, Repeat. I’ll get home and doomscroll for hours, and occasionally play games with friends at nights. Occasionally I’ll do my hobbies but usually feel guilty for it. I don’t see my friends and family nearly as much as I used to. I want to, but it feels like everything I want to do, my intrusive thoughts find a way to keep me at home. “It’s a waste of time.” “You need to be productive on your time off or you’ll go nowhere in life so stay home.” But then if I stay home it’s “you need to go out and do something.” “You’re being unproductive sitting at home all day.” “Seeing them wont make you feel better, you’ll never be happy” My girlfriend lives 6 hours away and is usually the only time I’d go outside and live and feel in the moment, but even then I’d feel guilt. I feel like my OCD makes me feel guilty for everything. She’s helped me a lot, but lately we’ve had a few issues we’ve worked past that made me fear for losing her too. I’ve felt depressed for years now. Before being fired, I usually felt pretty good and was almost normal feeling. I’d had control over my fears and intrusive thoughts of suicide and the meaning of life, and had accepted them and wasn’t afraid. I knew it wasn’t me. But lately I’ve been trying to push myself out of this depressive cycle, and it’s made my OCD and fears of suicide and if life has meaning, come right back. I’m handling it slightly better, but it’s still hard. I just want to move past this and stop questioning why I’m even doing anything, if I want to end it all, when I know for certain I don’t want to and that I get to make my own meaning in life. I have dreams, I want to get back into art. I want to move in with my girlfriend eventually and start a family. But my OCD makes me so scared to even try to make art, and it makes me so scared I won’t be happy or content with my dreams. I feel so alone and sad. I feel like life will pass me by while I’m stuck feeling this sad and scared. It sucks, but I’m trying my best to get there. Gotta keep moving

okay so I’m 18, I’ve always been kinda a homebody , especially recently starting lexapro made my anxiety worse at first ect. I feel so scared to be in the “ real world” because I feel like I’m not independent at all:/ I’ve never had a job I had 1 at 16 for 2 weeks and it wasn’t to bad. I can drive , but it’s kinda hard for me , I get scared of thinking of the future and independence “what if I’m not capable” “What if my mental health doesn’t allow me too” ect ..:/