i didnt deserve this

hey, i stress about harm ocd. just because im mad does not mean i want to harm family in anyway but thats what ocd convinces me. so i just go away from people. pocd is draining too

@ireallyhateocd Oh wow that's a lot to be going through! I only ever had acid reflux once as a young kid and I was so scared so that really sucks that the OCD is causing that I am sorry to hear. And those are some huge fears too wow. I personally have been having ocd fears about events like having a heart attack or being stabbed. It's amazing how our brains manage to conceive of the scariest sounding traumatic events that could happen and then it compounds and we catastrophize it to "prepare" and start to feel like it's real and going to happen and that even if it doesn't, the possibity alone is unacceptable. Then our brain make us think about and try to feel what it would be like all the time which of course makes us feel actually sick and can even cause stuff like acid reflux I now am learning from you! It's so encumbering. I don't have harm ocd myself but it just also sounds so extremely stressful. I just really hope you don't give up hope because the fact that ocd is proven to be recoverable, and you (and I) have ocd, I think thats enough reason for you (and I) to keep having hope even if we cant see the light at the end of the tunnel until we actually make it there. What's been giving me hope is learning about ACT "acceptance and commitment therapy", idk if you know of it but "OCD recovery" is a channel that teaches how to recover from OCD based on the channel owners' personal experiences with OCD and with using ACT. This channel I found teaches in a way that is so different and better informed than plenty of the ocd advice out there and it is super refreshing; I think it could benefit you. They explain that ocd recovery is a long and hard process requiring going down a journey to learn how to unconditionally accept life, yourself, and others. Its meant to really get at the core of our ocd fears so that we can recover once and for all. They have all had their own ocd experiences and they have made lots of vids about health ocd, and also harm ocd I believe. Lol I sound like an advertisement I promise I am not it's just whats been helping me and I hope it can help others like you too. Good luck on your journey!

@ireallyhateocd Oh also I saw the end of your message and I had pocd for the past few months but that theme went away for me actually by feeling an aha moment of unconditional self-acceptance! I kind of viewed it in a deterministic sense of how right now in this moment, I am just handed the cards that my past self delt me, I dont have to identify with my past (not that I was a P in my past but this is what acceptance is all about its accepting (NOT AGREEING but accepting) the idea of the worst fear being true even though our rational brain knows its not). I suddenly felt fresh and like I dont need to keep giving myself the guilty verdict of being a P because right NOW is the only moment that matters and right now I know I dont want to be a P so I'm not one and that is all I will allow myself to care about. I know its not always that simple and it may be your ocd requires the long journey approach whereas my themes come and go quick, but not matter what, there is no OCD that is impossible to recover from, thats just not how OCD works. And no, you are not the exception. Everyone's ocd tells them they are the exception but its not true!

@sageconquers - Thank you, i appreciate this