What helps you?

Disclaimer!! TW: Hi guys, When I was 10 my uncle (my dad’s brother), inappropriately played with my sister and I. where we felt his genital on our behind but we were all clothed and he disguised it as a game. I would catch him also acting weird around me. Later on when I was 12 and my sister was 10 1/2, he went on top of my sister while he thought she was sleeping and she had her eyes half open while she pretended to be asleep. She kept moving around and he thankfully didn’t do anything to her but that alone was horrifying to her. then he went to my bed and I’m a light sleeper so I immediately woke up. I asked him what he was doing and he said “just fixing the nightlight”. The next morning my sister told my parents and I what happened. My dad cried. I never saw him cry in my life. We left immediately and never spoke to him again. He has 3 kids and an amazing wife. Recently he’s been really sick and he had multiple strokes and he can’t walk. My cousins are older now and the eldest is 2 years younger than me. His eldest daughter was in the room as well but he didn’t do anything to her. I talk to my cousins on the phone but I never talk to him. I ignored that it happened for years. I am 24 years old now. In my teenage years I became boy obsessed and hyper-sexual. I got into relationships and got cheated on multiple times. I also feel like I developed OCD because of it. Now I don’t trust men or people at all. I also have triggers that make me feel horrible. A few months ago my older brother complimented my hair and my brain told me that meant he was attracted to me and it made me sick to my stomach. But that isn’t the case and I know that. But I hate that my brain made me think that. The other day my eldest brother (a different brother) facetimed me and showed me his son, my 3 year old nephew. He checked if my nephew peed my feeling his diaper. My brain told me “what if he’s touching your nephew inappropriately?”. God forbid.That made me spiral and feel like I can’t even trust my brother and made me scared for my nephew. I hate how I never can know. I would hate if that were true. That would break my heart because I love my brother and my nephew. But all because of my uncle, I feel like I can’t trust anybody or put it past them. Especially men. It’s ruining my life and making me break down and want to self isolate. I don’t want to live like this. I also don’t want my brother to ever do that. I hate this. Thanks for reading this if you made it this far.