This is really bothering me

@BigGyro09 Extra flavour mate. Have a laugh. It’s kinda funny. I’m not invalidating your feeling but cmon, you accidentally spat and someone ate it, that’s kinda jokes.

@GraciousStandoff A part of me is thinking of similar scenarios as if someone would cough without covering their mouth, or belch or fart near people. I don't know. I didn't mean to do it but I just wish I said something. I don't mean this in any judgemental or disrespectful, condescending way at all, my just out of curiosity, but how are you so light-hearted about this?

@BigGyro09 Because it does not matter. Can you make them un-eat it? No. Did they enjoy their food? Probably. Did you harm anyone? Nope. Would they have wanted to know? Probably not. It’s quite funny when you think about. It’s not like you opened their burger, and hurled a massive spit ball right into their sauce.

@GraciousStandoff That's true. I didn't have any intent or thought on doing it. I just think I could've handled this better and prevented it. I guess I just feel this way because it was in my control.

@BigGyro09 No. Shush. Don’t even tell yourself that. It’s reassurance compulsion. Just laugh it off. I promise you, it’s not this serious. I chuckled when I read your post.

@GraciousStandoff If I were to tell myself that I would just feel selfish and feel like an awful person, but I guess saying all of that is reassurance too. This sucks

@BigGyro09 Nope. You’re not awful for accidentally spitting and not saying anything. If you’d said “I accidentally spat on your food” you’d unnecessarily irritate someone. Just laugh it off, move on. You’re okay.

@GraciousStandoff The awful part I feel comes in with not telling them when I could have. And that irritation is what I fear would come from them since they ate it. Sigh

@BigGyro09 I accidentally punched an elderly lady in the arm when I was like 12, I burst out laughing. I look back, hope she’s doing well, but it’s still hilarious to me. What I did is so much worse than yours, don’t stress it. Laugh. Life is too short.

@GraciousStandoff I think I'll feel better when I've spoken to my therapist about all of this. I just have a hard time comprehending that it's so easy to get over this when I just can't help but feel like it's all my fault even though I didn't exactly want this to happen

@BigGyro09 No because that’s confessing. Will you really feel better giving into a compulsion?

Well to begin with, it wasn't on purpose. That's pretty gross to want to do that with intent and I know I didn't. I get the whole thing with leaning into the uncertainty. It helps but then it doesn't help because I'm so focused on leaning on a way to just move past it with a solution.

@BigGyro09 I know, and believe me I’ve been there and in the beginning it really sucks, not gonna lie. But after a few days of trying this technique, it honestly helps. Obviously consult an ERP therapist but this is super important because it helps you to be non-judgmental of your thoughts/actions. That’s the whole point is to learn to not pass judgment on yourself..people with OCD are so incredibly hard on themselves, but that’s what also makes us the most compassionate and understanding with others.

@Samiellie My biggest program is letting the anxiety take control of me and I want to fight back against that. I want that control back so next time something like this happens I don't get stuck in the limbo of choosing whether I should or shouldn't do something. I plan to talk about this with my therapist and I mainly want to talk about just ERP and doing something about the anxiety. Just can't help but feel like if this were any other person that would have done something rather than just do nothing. I hate thinking about it

@BigGyro09 Yeah. I totally understand, and I feel like that’s the part that people without OCD don’t understand. It’s like having a thousand mosquito bites and being told not to do anything about it. It takes time though to get through the anxiety without having to do anything for it. Like your therapist may have where you sit with the anxiety for 1-2 mins, then maybe aim for 5-10 mins..etc etc until you finally don’t have to find ways/compulsions to cope. You got this though - just stay the course and don’t give up. It seems so far away to think about a day where stuff like this won’t bother you, but you will get to a point where it’ll bother you for a few mins and then you find a way to let it go. Just be super patient and kind with yourself you know? And if it’s really bad like it’s setting you off and you can’t function, that’s when a lot of therapists will tell you to do things that bring you joy to help cope.

@Samiellie I've been living my life like this for so long it's hard to imagine what it would even be like without all of these intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Right now it's just seems like I made the wrong choice and it I were to confess this I feel like they would stop being friends with me. But now I'm keeping this from them and it makes me feel a lot worse. I just HATE having this happen. I don't know what to do except for waiting for this to somehow pass but that just makes it sound like I'm not really getting truthful or good

@BigGyro09 And it’s hard to remember a time without it, right? The point is, this bothers you because you care for this person. That’s what makes it like 10000x harder on your brain. You’ve identified your fear and that’s just part of the process, so you’re on your way, you know? You cannot get stuck in the “what ifs.” It will just keep you turning your wheels. Hopefully it’s not too long until your next session because this is a perfect thing to work through. The exposure may not be fun, but I think you’ll do so well, you seem very aware of what’s keeping you stuck. You just need to teach your brain to work through👏🏻

@Samiellie I just don't know how I can move on from this and feel happy about myself. I will tell my therapist about it but I just don't know how I'm supposed to let go of those feelings like others would tell me.

@BigGyro09 It takes practice, and even then when down the road you’re in recovery, you’re still going to be faced with this stuff. The point is, is that you’ve survived up until this point. The feeling of guilt is like the worst feeling, and at this point anybody telling you to work through it doesn’t sound logical to you and that’s ok. Just know, that this is hard now, but it’ll get easier over time

@Samiellie But the whole point at the end of the day is that my worrying and anxiety over this is irrational and I should just move on? That just seems impossible for me to believe right now but I guess that just fades within time. That just seems so unreal to me. To let go of all of these things that have happened. It just feels wrong to do so. But somehow that's OCD talking