Dealing with Symptoms Returning/False Memory

Hi everyone. I have been doing a lot better for several months but in the past few days have been struggling with ruminating a lot on my intrusive thoughts. My theme right now is worrying that I cheated on my boyfriend and don’t remember because one night (almost a year ago now) after drinking too much I woke up feeling guilty and after getting reassurance from my friends that nothing happened, still had the thought of “what if I cheated in the bathroom.” Then an image popped in my head of me cheating, even though I have no actual memory of meeting someone or anything like that and have normal texts with my boyfriend from throughout the night. My boyfriend’s dad just passed away from cancer a week ago and it’s been extremely difficult. I know that the stress of this time could probably be making this specific theme come back and be worse, but I’m wondering if anyone has any advice for dealing with symptoms coming back? I really don’t want to fall back into how I was feeling several months ago, but I think being as emotionally drained as I am right now is making resisting compulsions more difficult and my need to “know” this fear didn’t happen when my boyfriend is going through so much feel more intense.

Livingwithit808

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

This will be hard to believe but I’ve had the exact same theme and exact same scenario as a topic of my OCD and guilt. You will never be certain so accept how uncomfortable the possibility is. Move forward, live your life. You may never be certain about the past but you can certainly say you have OCD. Aloha

Anonymous

Date posted: 20h

Hi, I read through your posts and just want to say I completely understand your situation and am dealing with it myself and have been for a little over a year. The stress and major life event of losing a loved one can definitely impact it. I married my partner about a month ago, and my false memories have gotten so much more intense with this life event. I had relief for a little while, and then a spike again. I love him so much and am so scared to lose him. I want to tell you you are not alone. I have false memories from a trip abroad, as well as few other occasions where I got extremely drunk and have a fuzzy memory. As soon as I “work through” one situation , the other one pops up. I am now committed to just not drinking because it causes such issues for me. If I talk to the opposite sex or if someone approaches me and my friends at the bar, I’ll ruminate about what was said and I can’t fully remeber and then I make myself panic. I have made mistakes drunk in the past which my husband knows about, which makes this fear more intense. I just want to let you know you are not alone. What I have learned is when you are that drunk your brain stops recording memories. We will never know what happened or exactly how an interaction went and we have to live with that. I have also confessed compulsively to my partner and it was starting to damage the relationship. I don’t have the answer other than trying to just sit with the uncertainty and know you are not bad and you are not alone. People do a lot worse drunk and don’t even think twice. How are you feeling now? Sending you positive thoughts during this hard time.

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