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Hi! I'm new here so Im still getting a grip on how this works. But I went through this a couple months ago after a bad break up; my ex told me i was a bad partner and i became obsessed with the idea of trying to answer that question of whether i was truly bad. I felt immense relief from the obsessive thoughts when i decided to accept the title as a bad person who did wrong. But now i think the truth is people are nuanced. You won't ever truly feel like a good person if you are human and have made mistakes. Its easier to relieve yourself of obsessing over your entire life's choices if you "accept" that you're a bad person, but I think thats just a coping mechanism for your mind. Give yourself a little grace, you're human and its okay if you've made mistakes. I'm not sure how i moved past my own decision but I don't try to categorize on good/bad anymore. I would rather think of myself as a person with good intentions. You've got this! Keep your head high 💗

Can I ask you if you have religious OCD? I have religious OCD, so I have even more to say in this direction, just FYI. The experience you are describing is actually quite common for OCD. I have seen people write about it on this app quite often. People think that they are the only ones who experience this. However, as I said, this is quite common. It happens when our brains hit burnout. OCD is relentless. It wants us to CARE deeply whether or not we violate the "rules" it has set up. After a while, we hit mental and emotional burnout, and we can't care anymore. So, I have good news for you. When you go through treatment, you actually WANT to get to a place where you don't care anymore. Let me explain. In ERP therapy, we are trained to allow the OCD intrusive thoughts to run freely through our brains. And then we are trained to deny every compulsion (even if the OCD says we are bad people for denying them). Then we have to "rideout" the bad feelings like a wave. We train ourselves to not care that our feelings and emotions are screaming terrible things at us. I'll give you a practical example. My OCD says that I will go to hell if I buy tea before I finish the old tea at home (among hundreds of other things). Also, my OCD used to give me constant blasphemous sentences inside my head against God. Those sentences would run constantly like a record, over and over and over. If I went to ERP therapy, I would be trained to let the sentience run freely without trying to stop them or fix them. Even though the sentences would make me feel like a terrible person, I would have to let them flow by. Also, in ERP therapy, I would be trained to go and buy tea anyway, even if I had more boxes of tea at home. The OCD would tell me that I am a terrible person because of the BAD thoughts and because I broke the "rules" about the tea. And I might feel terrible for a long time. But I eventually would have a goal to get to a point where I DID NOT CARE if the thoughts were in my head or not. And I would want to get to the point when I didn't care if I broke the rules or not. SO, let's bring this back to your case. It's actually okay if you don't care about these things. Through the course of therapy, you WANT to get to a place where you don't care.