plss respond i feel really guilty, idk what to do

I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.

since one of my biggest fears/events of my reocd happened (not the way i thought it would happen!) i've been healing and understanding a lot of things (like the fact i was the one being abused in my old relationship) but thanks to that my ocd has been trying to launch on a new event and i don't know. i was in a cut and off relationship with my ex three years ago, this happened when i was an older teenager and really confused. during the time i cut off momentary with him i started to get compliments and cute messages in an anonymous confession page and used to post them replying in a playful way or just with genuine curiousity. the thing is, i got with my ex once again in secret for the last time but honestly i'm realizing lately that i didn't love him anymore and being with him made me feel terrible but i wasn't strong enough to leave him once for all. i didn't tell any of my friends about this because they hated him (for a good reason) and i was also disappointed on myself for this. he pushed me a lot make it public and i would say to him a lot of times that i wasn't sure. the thing is, that i still got that type of messages on that anonymous confession page and still publish them on my profile while being with my ex in secret, but eventually i stopped doing that. then i finally left my ex (was horrible). but since what happened to me, i cant stop thinking if that was cheating – it was cheating? i'm not sure anymore and i feel like im going to have a relapse.

A girl that I know that lives in my neighborhood just snapped me and it was “watch Marlee show off her garden or something” and I was worried enough to just open the snap bc I’m scared of interacting with other girls bf my ocd. The snap was just of her friend playing a garden game and then it switched to a coloring one but I genuinely just skipped over the whole video, it was 10 snaps long. Also the girl that sent me that, her name on snap has had a “😘” and even after changing it today it still shows the ____😘 on her public profile but I never changed her name on my snap and I feel bad bc I have a gf. I hate when people add the stupid hearts and stuff for their names on snap. I’m not going to respond to this snap. Also my brain is telling me I’m a cheater bc I never took out the emoji from her name beforehand. I genuinely never thought about the name until today, it’s been like that forever and I don’t think I ever paid much attention to it until now when my OCD is attaching to it. It’s also attaching to the part where a couple weeks ago her and her friends were giving out cookies to people and they texted me if I wanted one, they were down to their last cookie, so I was like sure and they were in their car just out of my driveway in the street and I got a cookie from them. Even then I felt terrible for getting a cookie from them bc of just interacting with other girls. But now I’m like why did I never realize the name had the 😘 emoji with it and I’m spiraling. It’s also attaching to the part where a couple weeks ago her and her friends were giving out cookies to people and they texted me if I wanted one, they were down to their last cookie, so I was like sure and they were in their car just out of my driveway in the street and I got a cookie from them. Even then I felt terrible for getting a cookie from them bc of just interacting with other girls. But now I’m like why did I never realize the name had the 😘 emoji with it and I’m spiraling. Also she texted me June 20 asking about if I had a bbl which was weird and so I responded to her then bc I was like wtf. But now I’m like why did I never realize her name had that emoji in it and I’m stressing. I really don’t enjoy talking to her and I’m not attracted to her at all and barely actually talk with her, and if I do I’m not flirting with her bc I love my girlfriend and don’t care about other girls I do remember that it wasn’t that girl that texted me about the cookie, it was one of my friends gfs. I was also worried about that bc I didn’t want to text my friends gf bc I thought it would be weird but it was only about the cookie