I love my bf. I really do, but I keep getting this urge to break up. We haven’t had the best week due to college classes and stress and it has put some obvious distance between us. It is freaking me out so badly and I feel so lonely that my brain is just screaming to break up. I don’t want to, but when i’m away from my bf the urges are much louder and it’s like i can’t even see my bf for who he really is. I need help, what do i do?
It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by these breakup urges, especially when you’re apart from your boyfriend. It’s common for OCD to latch onto the things we care about most, and stressful times can make intrusive thoughts feel even louder. Remember, having these thoughts doesn’t mean you want to act on them. If you’d like additional support, feel free to book a free call with our NOCD team. We’d be happy to share more information and explore ways to help. No one has to live in fear of their own thoughts. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-ocd-feels-so-real/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/relationship-doubts-sign-of-relationship-ocd-symptom/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/5-things-you-can-do-to-support-a-loved-one-with-ocd-bfrbs-or-tic-disorders/
College stress is understandably a big stressor for couples and its good that you are able to recognize the impact it can have in a relationship. Its important to prioritize a balance between school and your relationship so you are both able to get what you need done and so you can also both continue to develop the relationship you have created with one another. ROCD is one of my subsets and I've definitely been there in the absence of my partner. Practice with that phrase of breaking up or feeling an urge to break up. Write it down and read it out loud if you want and sit there with all the feelings and thoughts that come along with it. When it comes to mind just remember its simply just a thought or if you feel stress or anxiety, call it out for what that is.
Hello emthegem, As Brooke mentioned, intrusive thoughts only occur in response to things we value. Relationships, work, who are, what we represent; any of which could become intrusive thoughts, based on our values. The important thing to remember, is that an intrusive thoughts, is a thought, not an experience. With intrusive thoughts, by their very nature, they are hard to ignore, and cause distress. Instead of trying to question the thought or even argue you with it, have you instead tried to sit with uncertainty? Were you able to let your distress pass? Did you struggle to figure out how to start? At NOCD we are trained experts in the diagnosis and treatment of OCD and related conditions using Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). ERP is the gold standard of treatment for OCD and related conditions, with the better part of the past century's research backing the efficacy of ERP. If you would like more information on OCD and ERP, please visit our website at www.treatmyocd.com. If you are seeking to begin/resume your journey of recovery, you may reach out to our member advocate team at care@nocdhelp.com. I hope this message reaches you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help! Take care, Ian M. Reeder
I keep having this overwhelming thought of "I need to break up with her," however I really don't want to. It causes me so much anxiety when I try to fight the urge to the point that I'm bed ridden and unable to work. Is this normal for ROCD or am I just fighting my actual feelings?
for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.
Lately I’ve been having moments where I want to be single and explore other possibilities, like new relationships or flings. Sometimes I even feel like I do not want to marry my partner. Those moments honestly scare me. In the last two days alone, I almost broke up with my boyfriend three different times. I love him, and I want to love him without these moments/urges to leave. I’ve been feeling especially numb and distant this past month, and while my OCD has been quieter, my connection to the relationship feels like it’s slipping. I feel like I might be glorifying the idea of being single, like the freedom and exploration seem so idealized. I’ve been looking for posts that sound similar to what I’m going through (yes, I know that’s a compulsion), and I’ve found a few that made me wonder if maybe OCD is more involved in this than I initially thought. I just really don’t understand how. Could it be a mix of my numbness and OCD? Could the urge to explore or the emotional flatness around the relationship be OCD showing up in a different way? One other thing I’ve noticed: whenever my boyfriend is sweet or romantic, I feel this deep guilt or just nothing. Like I cannot say “I love you” back without feeling like I’m lying. It makes me feel like a bad partner. I just want to understand how OCD might be playing a role in all of this.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
